Friday, January 16, 2009

nothing lasts forever

i asked Nicole to do me a favor and stop me when the time comes that i actually want to get married. she's probably laughing about it now. but I'm serious. the white fluffy gowns and fancy ten-storey cake is the biggest cover-up of the biggest crime in the world. giving yourself to someone you think you know, only to spend/waste half your life with your 'partner' and realize you can't live with each other. really, nobody stays together anymore. if they do it's all because of the kids, and do they actually think the fighting and hurting doesn't affect the kids at all. it's so sick! i can't believe i actually had a dream wedding, i can't believe I've fantasized about dropping the kids to school and all that family stuff. SPARE ME!

I've written so much about it, but in the end, i still don't understand it. Love is shit. I don't want to believe in it anymore. I'd like to say i don't believe in it at all but then again i would have to take it back someday. and i don't want to have to. I HATE THIS!

just today i did a good thing. especially for someone lazy like me. and it's not like i expect to be treated so nicely about it. i mean, he did say thank you, almost a whisper, almost incomprehensible. and the funny thing is (but who's laughing) if i could go back and have another choice, i'd do it again! how crazy am i?

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