on highschool loves

last night's sleepover slash booze night at Nicole's marked the last highschool bonding for this summer. but i am in no position to complain, after all, i rarely, actually never, went out with any of my college friends and yet i was rarely home. except on wednesdays because i have piano lessons.

last friday night, all 13 of us gathered at Clark's apartment for the next day's trip to Nasugbu. and while we laugh out loud about jokes no one outside our circle would ever understand, i realized that though i do not think of them as much as i should, they would forever remain home to me. i say i am happiest when i'm in LB, the truth is i cannot compare, because i'm happy here too. i know that come June, piles of paperworks and good times with my college friends will make me forget asking how they all are, if they too had been the drunk the night before or if they too had gotten a failing mark in their NASC exam, and the truth is i don't know if it means i love them less. all i know is that in this moment, as i think of how much happiness and serenity i felt as we all sit together, talking as if yesterday was no different from our pancit day at Sonny's, our trip to Majayjay, our winning the cheerdance championship, our open forums, i know that they are closest to my heart. and i start missing them already.

...

what depresses me the most is that i am a firm believer that there is nothing worst in the world than being normal. and i am everything but extraordinary. i have absolutely nothing special to offer. except a helluva sense of humor. and my ability to fit in and fade away.

the truth is no matter how much i dream, i will get nowhere far.