Thursday, September 27, 2007

I don't know a lot of things, i blame it on my lack of interest in watching the news. Being a UP student my brother said i am obliged to have something to say about the current issues and events in our country. And embarrassed, i mostly have nothing relevant to say.

But regarding Cris Anthony Mendez' death and the perpetual bloodshed among supposedly "brothers" i have more than enough to write about. When one of my friends announced his decision to join one of UP's most prestigious fraternities and said that nothing we say will stop him, I only said "don't die." he assured me his survival, the physical pain he can endure he said, if there's anything that scares him, it's his academic grades as the initiation process, that i think lasted more than a week, was the same week as his exams. i believed in him, but mostly i was scared. the first night of waiting for his arrival, i was thinking, that that was what everyone thought, that they can survive the initiation, the public humiliation and the hazing otherwise who would've joined? but still, many went down to join those in the list of fraternity deaths, including now, Chris Anthony Mendez.

Patricia Evangelista said, "I do not understand what sort of twisted logic can make intelligent men believe that friendship and loyalty need to be proven through a brutal initiation." i don't either. the reason why i never joined any organizations and sororities that involve anything physical is because time will not heal the memories as they do with bruises. in the back of my head the persons i will shake hands with will always be those persons who blindfolded me and hit me. they will remain the haunters of my dreams and shall never be my friends.

as i am at the moment in the apartment sofa trying to imagine Cris' moments before his decision that later on led to his death, what was he thinking? was he sitting on the tip of his bed thinking that this will give him good connections? that this will help him have a better future?
what future? those who promised they could help had already taken that from him.

what will 30 days of suspension do? will it bring back a good man's life? will it bring back a son? a brother? a friend? no. instead, in a few years time another name will hit the papers, another death will be told, because we still haven't found a way to stop this violent tests of friendship and loyalty. loyalty, now that's a bit funny, if Cris would've lived, Sigma Rho would've stood by him the way they now cover up those who have killed him. but no, because he died, he was left in the emergency room by those responsible, he was denied of having gone through the initiation process and this, this is what we call brotherhood.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

MUST study.
MUST stop reading
and MUST start trying to get my own life.

i don't know if it's just me, or other people's lives are really just so much fun!
especially when they're rich and famous. and they want Goyard bags and get Goyard bags.
or that their sneakers are, God forbid, worth atleast 25 of my Old Navy sneaks, just because they have the *tentenenentenen* Vuitton print. or that they think Topshop is actually cheap while the farthest i've gone inside Topshop is the door because i realize just as soon that i'll only be disappointed. or because they write a hell lot better, making their blogs a 'tad' more fun to read.

hmm. that must be it.
so anyway, i talked to Franco in class today:
"lola mo ba si Gilda Fernando?"
nods, "oo, bakit?"
opens mouth for a few seconds, "wala. galing."
"pinabasa sya sa inyo? may binasa kayong sulat nya?" (how many grandchild have their literature teacher/professor ask them to research/read about their grandmother's literary work/s?)
"hindi. wala lang. she writes in the paper, diba?"
"oo, philippine daily inquirer. hindi na masyado, medyo mahina na sya."
"oo nga." (thanks to chuvaness, im up to date with Filipino literary news)
opens mouth again, for 5 secons, i think. "galing talaga eh."
"hello!" Denise said in a 'heller' tone, "franco?? kita naman diba, it's in the genes" she said,
well i have to admit, Franco is pretty good in writing, well, not pretty good. GOOD. kay?

i was so jealous, i just wanted to know how it is to have a lola like that. but then again, i felt really guilty. i remembered my own lola, she introduced me to the Curfew Must Not Ring Tonight, to Children's Hour and other literary favorites, and she was the reason why my father is just as good in writing, why my father has read numerous classics and has memorized several famous and not so famous poems. if i become a writer, which i already am, but i mean a real writer in the 'high-tech world' sense that people from my extended network would actually know my name, there would be no other that fueled the very passion that keeps me writing but my lola. her name might not be read in other prominent people's blogs, or she might not be mentioned on newspaper articles and her name might not printed on a hardbound under a title of a book i know very well she could've written, but her name will reappear in my handwriting and in my words. i don't feel so jealous now. i have my own Gilda Fernando only her name is much more beautiful and more personal, Fe Gardon.

Monday, September 24, 2007

of debut plans and getting spoiled every once in a while

papa's thai officemate, Sukalya is here in the Philippines, and because she wanted to see a volcano and kept pointing to Mindanao in her map, haha, we took her to Tagaytay. but the weather's not so kind as the heavens were pouring perpetually, and because it's tagaytay you could just imagine how thick the fog was, so we kept driving and driving.

then we chanced upon Sonya's Garden, and we have been talking about it for months now, so the rough road didn't bother us much. and it was majestic, it's so beautiful. i finally found my venue. this is it, it's perfect. it's so beautiful it almost made me cry, haha! really, it's so beautiful. i love it so much that i bet my parents couldn't say no when i asked them to let me celebrate my debut at Sonya's Garden's Greenhouse.

ofcourse the rest of my debut plans would have to be cancelled, the band, the lights, the gown and even the theme. because the venue is classy, i couldn't continue with the comics theme where kuya paolo aka creative director kuya of mine would be very much active. the band and disco at the end is without a doubt out of place in this whole peaceful ambiance, so maybe i'd go for a jazz band. oh God, im so excited. mom called after they dropped me off at elbi after the trip to sonya's and lunch at josephine's, she said it's going to cost a lot but not too much. but i love it, and she does too, haha.

i know i said i'll write about rashomon, but maybe later. oh and i googled those photos, i'll soon replace them with my own shots of sonya's garden.

Friday, September 21, 2007

last show today

RASHOMON is officially over, words of congratulations will now officially be accepted (and received, hopefully). had a blast, the production in general is amazing and the feedbacks are wonderful, close to perfect talaga and im not saying this because im a part of it. ah basta, lots of kwentos to follow, but for now i'm dying to go home and rest. i have the weekend, but unfortunately i have already committed to some appointments, so i don't know if i could fit 'rest' in my schedule. but anyway, the sem's almost over, so a bit of patience and perseverance would do me good.

and by the way, i just found out that Franco (ComArts, batch 05) is Gilda Fernando's grandchild. hmm?

Friday, September 14, 2007

teardrops on my guitar

i don't even play the guitar. hahaha! but anyway, i love this song.


you know how it feels when you've got a boyfriend or you're smoking then your mom calls and and tell you "usap tayo pag uwi mo." and you're so scared to go home. that's how i feel. though it's really not about home.

it's pretty much like vanessa hudgens scandal, only ofcourse im not some big celebrity and i didn't take a naked picture of myself. whatever. im not making any sense. i really just want to get all this over with.

hay. i can't even talk about it without crying.

Monday, September 10, 2007

ranting, PART 2

so it's Cecile van Straten's blog i'm currently hooked on. as ive said it's pretty addicting to know how the people from the other end of the pyramid lives. i'm listening to sean kingston's beautiful girls (thanks to gel's ipod) because i figured if you don't listen to the lyrics, the beats actually fun and it turns into a feel good song.

i kinda need to feel good right now.

watched One Tree Hill for 6 hours. and i bawled like a stupid baby at some very random scenes. i can't help it if i'm so into the jake-peyton love story and it's really killing me to see them part like that. seriously. i am so dumped by the fact that nicki's such a bitch and she just won't leave 'em alone. and peyton was really happy, its the first time that everything was so perfect for her. so i cried, and i cried some more. typical tisa. then i paused the damn thing and played it back to the part when jake was leaving, that part when he said "i could have held you in my armsforever, but that still wouldn't be long enough." it felt like stabbing my chest, then twisting the knife over and over again. it's torture. but sue me, i really find crying therapeutic. aside from ranting, crying is also what i do best. oh but anyway, im such a geek, i have no life which explains why i'm writing about someone elses. tas fictional characters pa, i have to get a life!! ahh, but anyway, it still pains me. hahaha. they were so wonderful, jake was so beautiful. i love jake. there! i said it, I LOVE JAKE!!

tish to gel: why am i such a loser?? haha.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

what i do best. RANT.

so early this morning i was reading Celine Lopez' and Gilda Cordero Fernando's column. yes, from two different newspapers. i couldn't even remember who writes for which just that they were in today's paper. i think.

so it's pretty tiring to read other people's lives. really. especially when they seem so heavenly, and yours is nothing to write about. but i keep reading simply because im hooked. last week i was so down about finding out how much writer's earn. but if you're the majestic Gilda Fernando who writes about 5 columns in the sunday paper (i don't know about the weekdays) you'd earn enough to feed a dozen children. but it's not like writers Jim Paredes, Celine Lopez, Tessa Prieto and Gilda Fernando need that extra thousands.

so as i was saying, i was reading Celine Lopez' column about internet. it was more like a blog entry about her love-hate relationship with the internet. she gets paid for it, i wonder when i will get paid for writing in my blog. oh. i guess when i become just as good, hmm, that makes sense. but what good is there to write about, lately i can't write about anything. i rant, that's what i do best. i sulk and get jealous. BUT REALLY, IM OK.

i'm not making any sense here. so anyway, i was checking out (stuff you won't read in the newspaper.) stuff you wish you read in your journal! i was getting all green with envy. again. just because these people live in the same country as i do, but they seem like somebody from the other end of the earth. i'd like to say that 'jessica zafra texted me...." too. i'd like to write about lunches with Dean Alfar and Socorro Villanueva, hahaha! but i'm a 17 year old writer wanna be, i don't write half as good as these people. and i don't even try.

one day i'm going to have a column too. and i'd write about parties and book signings. i'd be given complimentary tickets to plays and whatever. i'd write about countries i've been to over the weekend. but for now, i'm going to sulk and dream about it. haha.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


there are good plays and then there are the bad plays. being a friend of the backstage people for Ang Buhay ay Pelikula, I'd rather not say anything. i love Angeli though, she's fantastic. but oh well, i've known this since our workshop days, she's really got the most potential. yey for Angeli!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Ang Buhay ay Pelikula

had a workshop on review writing yesterday given by Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist Walter Ang. had fun, though i finally realized that in writing it's really prestige over pay. how i crumbled in my seat when i found out how much writers earn, but in the end i still want to write. he said the first trick to get published is to try. to email editors and publishing companies if they still need contributors and to do it for free if they want you to. because really, nothing beats seeing your first byline, it's worth more than a thousand dollars. okay, exaggerated a little. to try again if you get rejected, now that's the big challenge for me, because being ME, i'd probably cry for a week before i try again. haha. loser talaga.

anyway. i'm going to watch Dennis Marasigan's Ang Buhay ay Pelikula staged by the Thespian Circle tonight. i don't know what to expect. I'm going to support my ex sisses and brods. haha!

that's it for now.

oh and yeah, i'm entering a writing contest. yey for me!