on breakups

just because you're not answering any of my messages and because i won't be able to see you until this weekend if ever you do come home from work.

it'll be fine. you don't know how much i wish you didn't have to experience this to learn. but since it's happening, i do hope you learn from it. i hope you'd grow from it. and i wish you'd recover. maybe it's the time to finally do those things you talked to me about, things you planned to do 'if ever' you two are not together. you always knew you were destined for something better. but i know you love ate apple, planned your life together with her, and i know it sucks, but you'll get over it if you want to. when you find it hard to go on, you know that despite our differences i will always, always, be here for you. i love you, and i love ate apple too, we all do. but you're still blood and it's thicker than any ties with other people, we will always be on your side. and if only we could protect you from all the pain your experiencing now, we would. be strong kuya. i hate to imagine you weak and sad. i hate you most of the time, you know that, but i will hate you more if you sulk about it. especially if you do it without me.

i do wish you'd answer my messages though, i wish we could talk. you always come to me when things like this happens, and it sucks to not hear it from you. i love love love you kuya. be strong.

losing my bestfriend

came from the PI field trip. and i know you're supposed to learn all these Rizal stuff. but in the end of the day, the only thing i learned and realized is how much i miss Nikko. It's unbearable we're together the whole day and we haven't said a word to each other. we really were close then. Denise said that if i wanted to make up with him i could've done it a long time ago because really the only person who could make it happen is myself. actually, that's not entirely true, vecause all i was waiting for was an apology. but i guess i'm just partly to blame, i'm a little embarassed because i know i said some bad things. and i know then that whenever i feel as if i did something cruel, he would remind me that he's nikko and that he would never judge me and that he will always understand. but i didn't understand him, i didn't even try and i just know i never will. but i atleast want us to be friends again. when this issue exploded, i didn't go to class for two weeks because i didn't want to see him, not because i was mad, more because i was in pain. because i, too, was his biggest fan. i listened to all his stories, believed everything he said, and in return i told him everything. serious things we never talked about seriously, things we manage to talk about in between doodling and playing Stupid. that's why it hurt when i found out he told gel and not me, but i also realized that if i knew i never would have forgiven him, which is a lie, i know, but i could've hated him sooner which is worse than now.

i miss nikko. i miss how he's such a good friend to me, and i'm sorry i didn't hear his side or atleast try to save the friendship. i wish i could've done things differently. the truth is sometimes i even wish i never found out, i know i could've lived without knowing. i sometimes wish he is still the nikko i thought he was. but it's all done, and i know the only possible thing is wishing that we return to being friends again.

fredster

this is fir denise and ehm. okay mostly for me too :)

he's gwapo and hot all right. thanks to wildchild which i enjoyed by the way i now have a schoolgirl crush on fredster!

nothing lasts forever

i asked Nicole to do me a favor and stop me when the time comes that i actually want to get married. she's probably laughing about it now. but I'm serious. the white fluffy gowns and fancy ten-storey cake is the biggest cover-up of the biggest crime in the world. giving yourself to someone you think you know, only to spend/waste half your life with your 'partner' and realize you can't live with each other. really, nobody stays together anymore. if they do it's all because of the kids, and do they actually think the fighting and hurting doesn't affect the kids at all. it's so sick! i can't believe i actually had a dream wedding, i can't believe I've fantasized about dropping the kids to school and all that family stuff. SPARE ME!

I've written so much about it, but in the end, i still don't understand it. Love is shit. I don't want to believe in it anymore. I'd like to say i don't believe in it at all but then again i would have to take it back someday. and i don't want to have to. I HATE THIS!

just today i did a good thing. especially for someone lazy like me. and it's not like i expect to be treated so nicely about it. i mean, he did say thank you, almost a whisper, almost incomprehensible. and the funny thing is (but who's laughing) if i could go back and have another choice, i'd do it again! how crazy am i?

lover's cross

i love Jim Croce. never mind that they (Denise, Ehm... everyone) laugh at me whenever i sing time in a bottle in the videoke. i just love him.
i have a new favorite Jim Croce song, it's Lover's Cross. listen to it, it's good.. don't watch the youtube video though. trust me. unless you're a big super mario fan. hahaha! or watch it and you'll know why.

my dad is watching his dvd now.. i don't mind seeing him sing, i just prefer not to. so while i listen to him, i do this.

lolo

i planned to write about my grandfather's death last december 30. but, it's not really something i'm comfortable with. so let's just leave it at that.

do pray for his soul though.

series madness

i started season 2 of Gossip Girl yesterday.
and i finished season 3 of How I Met Your Mother today.
how cool is that?

mashed potato and flunking cognitive psych

i saw two people wearing stabilo orange pants today, in the words of Marvin Gaye, WHAT"S GOING ON?
is neon the new fad, i hope not.

but that is not the reason behind this blog entry. the reason is that i have a feeling that i might flunk psy148. which is just sad. pathetic. not to mention embarrassing. psychology is supposed to be interesting. any subject that does not involve solving math problems are labeled PASSABLE to me. but no, not this one, and take note it's not because it's hard it's because the prof (whose name i don't even know) makes it hard. she is nice though, but she can be nicer.

anyway, last night was perfect. Chase, Denise and I went grocery shopping. we cooked mashed potato, well actually Chase cooked mashed potato, Denise and i helped. and we had mashed potato, corn and carrots for dinner. after that we (Ehm, Gel, Mark, Denise, Chase) wiid (which is the verb for playing wii. durrr) and headed to the rooftop and sang disney songs. then i studied for the exam which i probably failed earlier today.

well that's it actually.

dur.

i've got lots of stories about the lack of it. but i've got no time except to say that i can live without certain things for a week, but i can't seem to survive without chuvaness.

i've got to live my other life too,you know.