i don't like you anymore.

Oh and I hate you. I didn’t think it’s possible, but I do. Because you don’t care enough to notice how I care. It’s because the people who are always around don’t get credit for staying, because they’re always there. And that’s how things are with you. You tend to forget about the people who cares most. To you, it’s about the special people and the acquaintances, I’m somewhere in between drifting from one category to another. And I really want to know where I stand, because I get tired too. those who say that when you love you don’t get tired don’t know anything about it. because it’s exhausting, it’s exhausting to try to be a friend to someone whom you want to be more than friends with, it’s hard to care, to be there all the time, to struggle with the right words only to feel insignificant, it’s exhausting to wait for nothing, it’s exhausting to keep on hoping that the fates would change their mind. I’m tired. And I’m lonely.

I don’t know what I really want. I guess I just need you to acknowledge me being there. Or maybe I just need to forget you and get this over with.

of heartbreaks and friendship.

chase and pat broke up. chase has been going on and on about how he's okay about it. for those who doesn't know him, siguro nga. because to me, he seems lost. i don't know, caught up with trying to be happy and trying to release the emotions all at the same time maybe. being a friend does not require you to know the things to say, does it? because if it does, then i sure failed. i'm struggling with comforts, i'm lost for words. naguguluhan din ako, should i let him wallow in sadness? or should i make him forget? i don't know how to be a good friend, i've always felt that being around is enough. oh but i guess he needs more than that. but what exactly does he need?
i've been walking with him twice since last night, should i initiate talking about 'it'. i figured that if he wanted to talk about it, then he'd probably start the conversation, pero wala eh, so i assumed that he doesn't want to talk about it. atleast not with me.

they wrote about how we should help our girlfriends cope with heartbreaks, guys get their hearts broken too, oh but that's the story never told.

battling ignorance

Frequent National Bookstore visitors will notice that the fiction section has grown inexcusably smaller. I find it terribly annoying that some Filipinos have very little interest in literature. Though love for books often starts at home, I think that it is also the school’s responsibility to bring their students closer to the enchanting world of words. I wasn’t blessed with a good literature teacher back in highschool, in fact I studied subject verb agreement year after year for four years. And honestly, It was a time badly wasted. (I envied my father’s kopong-kopong stories about what he learned from school, they read Edgar Allan Poe’s, Beuwolf’s and such.) I know for a fact that if we don’t do anything to stop it, the next generation will be dumber, less and less imaginative and dim-witted, thanks to the system of education, thanks to elementary and highschool teachers that teaches by the book and never by the words of Tolstoy and all them great. Back to National Bookstore, going through my usual browsing I observed that the classics, such as Hemmingway’s A Farewell to Arms, Harper Lee’s How to Kill A Mockingbird are now below 200 pesos. And I could only think of two reasons, two reasons that will either raise our hope for literacy among our unfortunate generation or prepare us for the downfall of the already sagging education. That they surprisingly lowered the prices to reach out to the financially poor lovers of a good read, or because literature is simply no longer of high value, that they are collecting dust in bookshelves full of expensive newer, sexier novels, that there is no other way to dispose them but to cut it’s real value. i would love to be able to talk to my children and hear them bragging about how they are receiving a better education that of that I received. Education should be improved by time, and yet it is always the opposite. When I was in high school, I asked one of my classmates if he has read this short story by Nick Joaquin, and he doesn’t even know him. I am ashamed of our lack of knowledge for these things, how do I expect kids my age to know H.G. Wells, if they don’t even know our national artist. People don’t feel ashamed that they don’t know about these great people and their equally great works, because everyone seems to not know it. Ignorance has become ordinary that everyone seem to think it’s cool, people who read and people who journey into the modern utopia become freaks. so I guess I’m a freak, then again so what?

ONE TREE HILL

I could almost do as I wish when I found out that mark has a “One tree Hill” dvd, all I need to do is reach over and strangle him. I had waited so long for this moment to come, sweet long hours of being stranded in the sofa, a bowl of chips close by, with Chad, oh Chad, on my screen. But the summer was almost through then and it was really late for me to start watching the whole season. But noone’s going to stop me from fulfilling my summer goal-to have a One Tree Hill marathon. But Mark, self-acclaimed Chad Michael Murray look alike won’t give it away without a fight. Oh he tried to battle with me, all right. In exchange for season 1 is a semester of math17. my answer-no way! Uh-uh! Unless ofcourse the deal was math 17 and I’d get Chad, fuh real! Haha. but he let me borrow it anyway. The first night was a long night, I couldn’t stop watching until 3 am, if I haven’t switched the tv off-grudgingly, the morning crow would have tucked me to sleep himself. One Tree Hill has always been about Chad for me, and now James Lafferty has joined the picture. Haha. I don’t know what it is with these series, they’re so addicting. It’s nice to watch somebody else’s (fictional fellas) lives, when you don’t have one, right? Anyway, Peyton’s hair reminds me so much of Pancit Canton. Not that it’s relevant, really. I used to hate Brooke, somehow it was Peyton’s character that reached deep into me. Not only am I fan of her artworks, but I am a big fan of her breaking stereotypes. Ofcourse she’s a cheerleader slut but other than that, I don’t see anything cheerleader-y in her. After a few more episodes, I learned to love Brooke as well. There is a certain sadness in her that I can relate to. She always feel as if something is missing, and I think that we all get that feeling when we’re lying in bed, thinking. Oh and it really hurts to find out that the only man you’ve ever loved loves your bestfriend, and as if that’s enough, the bestfriend loves him back. Too much drama! Haley and Nathan, now that’s my favorite couple. Lucas is good, but really he’s got to make a decision, and that’s what Nathan did. And isn’t it every girls dream for a man to leave his tainted past for a future with a tutor girl. Really, that’s pretty amazing. Now Karen, Karen is hot! For a mom, I mean. I really like her relationship with Lucas, it’s really more of a friendship. Keith is okay, and I really don’t have anymore to say about him. Dan is a loser, he’s pure evil from the very start. Sometimes I wonder if there is any good bone in his body. I don’t have anything to say about Deb. Oh and Jake, Jake’s hot! I really think that he deserves Peyton, they’re good for each other. They have this great, great chemistry that I can’t explain. And Jake having Jenny makes him even hotter. It would be nice if he and Peyton ends up together, but I don’t know I kinda like Lucas and Peyton to end up together too. Mouth, or Marvin Mcfadden-is hot in personality. He’s a really good little brother (Haha!). And I’m really sure that I like it if it’s him and Brooke in the end. As for the other characters- I have not much to say. Actually I have a lot to say. They’re just not that important. Obviously-I’m hooked! So are the others who devoted their time to One Tree Hill Marathons, namely Mark, Gel and Chase. It’s really crazy, the other day we were on the One Tree Hill fansite, is that embarrassing or what? Haha. Anyway, we were just checking out the episodes we haven’t watched yet. Rumor has it that Lucas dies in the end, because he’s suffering from HGM and Haley dies too, I just don’t know why, maybe while delivering the baby or something. Wikepedia gives a rather different information. Oh, I don’t know. I guess we just to have to wait and see. I was telling them the other day that my life kinda starts right when the opening song starts, one tree hill has become air for me. Haha! Anyway, with a lot of things filling up my schedule I can’t find the time for tree hill marathons. And I’m dying to find out what happens next!! Hay.