Tuesday, November 18, 2008

hello hell again

haven't talked to anyone about it for a long time. it just didn't make sense, and people are getting tired with the story anyway, i know i'm tired. and i also figured it would stop hurting, or that IT would simply stop if i stop writing and talking about it. which is why my tears took me by surprise when i talked to Gel.

i'm okay. it's not just something i tell people when i try to avoid the conversation that is already way overdue. i really am okay. most of the time. i'm not over it, i'm far from moving on, but i've learned the best way to cope with pain, and it's to live with it. so for the past gazillion months, that's what i've been doing. lying to myself and living with it. and it isn't so bad as it sounds, really.

there are so many things to worry and be sad about that THIS didn't seem worthy of my time. for one thing, i lost nikko, i'd like to think he lost us but he doesn't seem concerned. i am anyway, sad and still shocked. but here i am, crying over Jin and PJ's semi-breakup. just because i would rather i had been lied to and be wooed and told the things Jin was told, than to live this boring pathetic life. ofcourse also because i was sad for Jin, but that's another story.

well i figureed it's the time of the year. and maybe the Ber-wind do bring something else than the smell of damp grass and the sound of Jingle Bells. maybe. maybe because it reminds me that this is what, the third christmas already, that i have been wishing for the same thing.

i can't wait to graduate!!!

No comments: