Sunday, March 30, 2008

missing my naughty angels



i miss nathan and danica.
like crazy. i've been singing nathan's make up song for two days straight. and i've been wearing danica's diaper (on my head, duh!) for two days straight as well. i know how hard it is for kuya to not see his family for seven years and then leave just like that after a month. i'm beginning to feel as if i regret having joined desaparecidos, only because i didn't get to spend enough time with my brother and his family, because i was busy with rehearsals. but then again, no time will ever be enough anyway. the last time kuya ouel left, which was, again, 7 long years ago, he did not embrace me. i was crying, bawling like i lost one from my pair of legs, and he did not embrace me. when he left a hazy two days ago, he did not embrace me either. with our kind of relationship, it makes you wonder why he didn't. he'll cry just as much as i did if he gave me a hug, knowing it will be the last for yet another, what, 7 years?





it's kinda lonely going back to a clean, silent house. i miss the chaos, my toys scattered all over the floor, the sound of nathan's incessant impersonations of his hero-nacho libre, my brother's kakulitan, watching finding nemo for the nth time, but most of all danica's tantrums. i know that from now on, long gone will be the days when car trips meant mimicking the sound of dogs and cats just to silence danica's cries. two nights before they left, i slept beside danica, she was extra nice to me the whole day that day. she kept touching my face, kept brushing my bangs, kissing me and calling me ninang. one time when mama was holding me, she took me and said "my tisa" i wondered then how i could possibly let her go when the time comes that i have to.. i love both of them so much. i kept asking papa to send me to canada this summer, but ofcourse, it's all just wishful thinking.

anyway, i talked to nathan this morning. he was watching lastikman. hahaha! kuya rammil bought him a lastkiman toy and he kept asking about it. so yun, nakapanood na rin sya.

so yun. yun lang, i guess. kuya ouel said that they'll try to come home for my graduation IF i graduate on time. hmmm??

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