dear stranger

i don't see you much. doesn't matter. i don't want to anyway. atleast that's what i tell myself when stuck in the sofa, still dressed with the clothes i wore the whole day hoping you'd visit and see me in them. pathetic. i know. i don't cry anymore, atleast there's an accomplishment. but i find myself writing to you everyday, and that, i find even more pathetic. i kinda feel like dan humphrey in gossip girl, with his sad-ass poetry and suicidal letters. haha. i've got a notebook full of them shit. except ofcourse, i'm far from suicidal. but anyway, here's one from the many i'd wish you'd take time to read:

Here’s to honesty I’d willingly give you, in far-fetched wishes of acceptance and love, wishes that you will never grant of reality. I’m tired. I get it, I’m just not it. And if I wait another year I’ll only get stoned for martyrdom, but before that, the pain of loving you will kill me first. And the rest of the world will stand and watch me fall, over and over again. If you promise me an eternity, I promise to die before you get tired of me. But what you can only promise me are walks you’re too tired to take. Of conversations that’ll only push me away. Of forever’s worth of 60 second memories you will never be able to give. Broken promises are promises nonetheless, and they are the only thing I get a hold of. And this is what you do to me. You make me wait all night for your arrival. You make me sing songs I wish I wrote. You make me lie in the ground with you while you’re drunk with heartbreak liquor, and me with tears. You make me listen to your stories, even when all I want is for you to listen to me. When shall I tell you? perhaps never. Because this is what you do to me. You make me fall so hard, the fall gets too tiring that I want nothing else but to finally hit the ground, but I keep on falling. I’m singing you goodbye, and from the muffled voices could you pick apart what im saying? I’m telling you I miss you and if I could bring back highschool, I would.

Here’s to goodbye and the lie that I will finally let you go.