dear stranger. you make me so vulnerable.

i <3 secondhand serenade.
because because. anyway. my heart is heavy and my eyelids are heavier and the longer i stay awake the more i worry. that's what's wrong with me, i worry too much. right now i feel worried, scared and happy. and i didn't think it's possible to feel this much emotion all at the same time.

i'm worried because i'm scared. i'm scared that this is how things will always be. i'm scared that if i don't move on now, i never will. and i don't want that to happen. i want to move on too. i want to be happy. i want to find someone who'll love me. but i'm scared that even if i do, as i have many times before, i'd still be stuck on you. i'm scared that i will always switch from emotion to emotion, you make me so vulnerable. vulnerable to everything. i just want to be happy. and sometimes, i am. when we feel us getting closer, i'm happy. but i'm scared. because the closer we are, the harder it is to let go. i want to be contented. the thing with this situation is that you make me unhappy being myself. i hate myself because i can't change enough for you to like me back. it's crazy, huh? you've become a stranger. but sometimes when we talk, i hear him too, and i know that deep inside of you, he's there. make him come home. maybe he still likes the me i still am today.