catching up

my last entry was july13, for someone who used to blog twice or more a day that's a little weird. kahit ako, di ko maintindihan kung bakit natatamad akong magsulat. ngayon pa, kung kelan ako nagaaply sa Pantas. anyway, like i did the last time, highlights nalang.

forget it. tinatamad talaga ako. i have to write a suicide letter, deadline's on tuesday. no, hindi ako suicidal at wala akong balak magpakamatay. it's a requirement for Pantas. eh ewan ko ba, for someone who's morose enough to actually kill herself (joke lang. medyo lang) i can't write a freaking suicide letter. napaka-trying hard ko kasi. haha

ang sarap maging single. pero nahihirapan ako lately, kasi andaming problema sa pag-eeffort kong makapagmove on. o diba? may ganung moda. pwedeng pang suicide note shet.

i have to remember everything i'm supposed to do for the following weeks.
hmmm.

July26: TJ's concert (Verve)
July29: suicide letter deadline
Aug3: Diliman Photoshoot/Papa's departure
Aug4: Denise's Birthday Parrrrty
Aug5-8: PR Campaign for Caballeros (Free Coffee and Exhibit)

highlights

i'm actually not in the mood to write, but since i'm awake so early and i have nothing to do anyway, i figured what the heck. and since i don't have anything crazy or whatever to write about, i'll write about the highlights of my past weeks.


selle and weng back in the apartment.

we had an italian night during the first week of classes. the pizza, the pesto, the roasted chicken, the works. parang first sem lang.
and they were also here last week, kasi nagvideoke kami dahil may dalang magicsing si denise.
tine's missing, but she goes to the apartment a lot, only i think she goes straight up to the boyfriend's apartment.

Joseph and Ehm: Finally together
so she's been going up a lot too, and i often find myself alone in the apartment.
or with mark and denise, playing cards or doing whatever just to stop ourselves form sleeping early.
okay, a bit exaggerated , although some nights were like this though, dagdagan mo pa ng pancit canton.
anyway, i'm happy for both of them. ehm's really happy and she deserves to be.

Burger King Date
we've been going out together or staying in the apartment a lot lately, i know it won't be like this once 'real' studying starts. so i'm enjoying it.
we went to burger king, the second week of the school year, i think. we didn't stay long though, we all had lots to do at the apartment. i had fun.
eto yung mga klase ng araw/gabi na i don't care if i eat a lot, if i gained a couple of pounds in just one sitting, basta masaya.

Diliman and Trinoma with Pen
ok. this did not happen in elbi, but anyway, ehm, pen and i went to diliman to buy the book for eng1.
tas nagtrinoma kami. ehm and i are so happy cause we already know how to get to trinoma, to boni, to diliman, from binan. feeling naman namin we can get anywhere just because of this.
also pen's been staying at the apartment for the past two weeks. i'm glad she became friends with chase, mark and tj.
she goes on a self-declared holiday and we have classes til 7, we go home and find our apartment squeaky clean.
next week, we're going to teach her how to cook, para pag uwi namin
may pagkain na rin. hahaha. joke lang.

i got a haircut...again.
i know. it's crazy. i miss my long hair, sobra. and i know i've been ranting about just how much pero i had it cut.
shorter than ever, i have no idea what's gotten over me. it's ugly.
when i had long hair, or even the last short one, almost every other day was bad hair day, but still there are days that they actually look decent, beautiful, even. eh ngayon, everyday bad hair day, seryosos. it's that bad. i won't even post a picture.

no dull moment
that should be posted right outside, in the middle of 102 and 103's door.
lately lots of things have been going on the apartment. meetings. videoke nights. card nights. inuman session. chismisan. i wonder when vane and gel would start suggesting their usual - poker and bingo. i crave quiet nights too, and we actually had one last week. pen, denise and i just watched clueless in marks room. and after that when most of the apartment people has arrived, tumambay lang kami sa tapat ng apartment, para magchismisan at kung mag anu pa.

oh yan. yan lang naman talaga ang nangyayari sa elbi, nothing about acads. joke lang. well actually, i've tons to do for acads. i've to memorize my lines for the scene study chever for thea108. i've to do a paper about agyu and a tanaga for fil 21. i also have to be done with the brochure, and study for coma105. maybe i could fit in a movie night next week. or atleast a dinner at bonitos. or not.

...

wala ko masulat kahit pa last week's eventful compared to the other weeks. nakakatamad lang. pero anyway, the other night i kept trying to write, may ilang oras na yata kong nakatapat sa laptop ko, alternating coldplay with vanessa carlton for inspiration, nakasama pa yata na that morning i was reading pablo neruda poems eh. ako naman talaga may kasalanan eh, hindi kasi ako makahindi kay nikko. now i only have 4 days left and i still don't have anything.

help me Lord. nakakabaliw ang pressure.

acad mode

subjects im assuming i will enjoy:

COMA105. Public Relations and Advertising. excited ako sa paggawa ng advertisements, print ads and stuff kasi i missed out on doing teasers and posters for the past productions i was involved in. I don't feel obliged to go to class even though i am, because it's actually fun especially since we have ma'am marcial for our prof.

FRENCH10. Bonjour! vous vous apelez comment? okay, that means what's your name? not exactly relevant, eh ano naman? plus our prof is like the cutest thing, she's like 5ft tall tapos buntis cute cute amph. she graduated from up diliman, european studies major in french minor in span. crazy, ano? okay so sitting beside nikko and biboy may not be the smartest thing at first, but i get the feeling they're enjoying it too.

ENG101. English Prose Style. The only reason i might enjoy eng101 is because i would have to actually write again, which i barely do now. at dahil marerequire ako eh manonochoice ako. and because i sit with hazel, millie, pen and jinee and i enjoy the snide comments and the 'what the?' looks we exchange whenever macansantos says something 'duh', which is like all the time.

FIL21. folklores and myths may not be my favorite topics, but sir Dumlao is my favorite professor. not only do i listen and space out only twice or so per meeting, but i actually enjoy it. andami kong natututunan and i also feel inspired to write after every meeting. it's amazing what effect sir dumlao has on his students.

ARCHERY. so i smell like shit and i sweat like crazy. but i feel like i just came out of an LOTR movie whenever i have a bow in hand. it's hard, not what i expected, but this is the only PE i took wherein i actually want to excel. gusto ko pa nga magvarsity eh, oha, but that was before i tried it. ngayon, ayoko na, mahirap pala kasi.


which leaves us with the three subjects i might not enjoy:

THEA108. i am extremely disappointed. i can live with not having sir Joey for my thea108 professor, but Jeremy is so... so... so not anything a major subject professor should be. i hate it. nakakadepress. nakakirita. and i thought we're gonna learn about grotowsky and stanislavsky. give art some pride, man. medyo hirapan mo naman ang discussion. oh right, he gave us a handout of supposedly 'technical' stuff about acting, tapos ang refference nya, take note reFFerence, ay yahoo something. what the??

LTS1. three hours? i have better things to do with my time. okay, so that sounded a little bit shallow. but really, three hours is such a long time, especially when we're just playing half the time.

MATH11. i hate math. as simple as that. although i have to admit i am enjoying sets because it's easy compared to actually solving problems.


in the end it's all the same because i'll probably suck in most of them. i hope not though, i want/need better grades this sem.

why i love elbi?

i just spent an entire week at elbi, well, actually not really. just since monday til early today. my schedule allows me to come home early on fridays, and it's not like i want to. i happen to love elbi like crazy and would spend an eternity there if i find someone to spend it with me, there. labo ba? i wait long for a lightbulb whenever i'm asked why i love elbi. bakit nga ba? ewan ko. kung ikaw taga-elbi ka, bakit nga ba? i used to think it's a disease you get when you stay there long enough, but i know some people who still left after 2 years of breathing uplb air (ahem, cy?? iya??).

napasakay ako ng 'up college kaliwa' sa jeep (nagtaas na nga pala ang pamasahe shiet) and so i have to ride it all the way from st. therese, to baker, to freedom park, to lib, before reaching sakay-my stop. i didn't realize how much i missed elbi. there were couples at the freedom park even though it was, past 12 i think and the heat was soporific and hot. i reminded myself that it is something i still haven't done, hang out at the freedom park i mean. ang totoo, there's a list of things i'm still to do here at elbi before i graduate. ang dami pang kailangan at dapat gawin, the two years left may not be enough. o diba ang drama?

pero i look back and i also realize na there's a long list of the things i've done in elbi, things i wouldn't have done, or i wouldn't have had the chance to do if i were somewhere else. like lying in the middle of the street in the wee hours of the night. like doing aerobics, or asian dance. and now, the one i've waited for for so long, archery. like taking a walk, mapa-tanghali man o mapa-hatinggabi, just because i feel like eating something, o para magpost ng teasers, may sama pang takot na baka mahuli. like skipping class for proven. like being a part of three wonderful productions. like getting a hopeless crush on someone, and following him in silly attempts to mimic a stalker. like making friends and keeping them. like falling in love, and falling apart all in cacophony with elbi wind. and then usually my head goes blank at this point, but there really is so much beauty in elbi, so much experience, so much love. i am so thankful i'm here. i am inlove with elbi and i will always be, one day when it is finally the time for my children to experience college, i would be very happy to see them here in UPLB. sana ganto pa rin kaganda, ganto pa rin kasarap ang buhay dito. ang totoo di bale ng sira ang mga electric fan, di bale ng minsan sira din ang mga prof, basta ba paglabas mo ng ncas o hum, eh may mga tao sa steps at pagpunta nyo ng raymundo di pa ubos ang proven, pagdating ng gabi kung meron mang practice ang prod eh may mga kasama ka sa sulok para magbreak, at pagkatapos may kasama kang kakain sa itsumo o tatambay sa iziz o magbibidyoke sa nyokys, sabay libreng strawberry margarita. sarap. ang sarap ng buhay elbi. walang katulad. walang kapalit.

i'll be back on monday. at siguradong this time, may klase na. i don't mind, basta ba it means i get to spend break hours with friends and i get to breathe elbi air again.

crazy talk

i've been planning to study abroad after college. although the real sure thing is that i will be leaving for canada right after graduation. studying fine arts at UST did cross my mind but i really want to experience studying far away from home and well, UST is and will always be two of my brother's well loved home. after several plans i came up with 'the one', the this-is-it plan. i'd be leaving for canada late april or early may and will be living there a maximum of two months, i will then visit some of my cousins in the states (and go to disneyland!) and then, i will go to paris to study. crazy? i know. I was this excited when i wanted to study at UP, but even that was a suntok sa buwan decision. because 1.) i'm not even in the top of my class and 2.) i'm like in the third class from the star section. my dad bought me this study by yourself book while some of my friends enrolled at MSA. i know even he doubted whether i could pass. but i did, and i'm hoping that this time the angels will work on my side again.

let's go back to the plan. ofcourse when i get there i won't be studying right away. especially since the tuition fee costs a bajillion times more than UP tuition. also because the smallest of apartments costs 650 euros. according to my research, minimum wage would sum up to 3000 euros a month, but the take home pay would only be 2,700 or so. minus the rent, the electricity, the laundry and stuff, you'd only get about 50 to spend daily. what about the supposedly money left for savings? for duh, what i was there for, university? if you really think about it, it's kinda depressing. my dad says i think a lot, and that it's too early to think about it. he said i should atleast be in junior year before i start worrying about studying again. but i'll be in junior year, in less than a week.

i really want to go, i don't want this to be something i wanted at some point in my life. because of this i'm changing a lot of things in my 5 year plan. i've always wanted to graduate early, and i would actually be graduating early compared to the usual 21 year old graduates, i would graduate from college the month i turn 20. so i though it would be okay to study some more, because if i want a masters degree, i'd be done with it by 22 or 23, which is not bad. but i've decided to take another 4-year course. i'd be taking up comparative literature minor in theater and performance or comparative literature. and because i would be working for a year or so, i would be 25 or 26 by the time i graduate. a little old to still be studying, i've always wanted to have my own family by 24. but i really want this, and the course i'm talking about would be under the department of arts and literature and where better to study arts than in france, right? who am i kidding? when i was a little younger i spent half my days plotting how i will meet david beckham, what i will say down to what i will be wearing. and then there was this day when i sort of just hit my head and asked, what was i thinking? it was depressing, to suddenly wake up and realize that you wasted weeks, or a month being delusional. it was also depressing because you know that you'll never meet him, or talk to him. funny as it seems, it's absolutely true about a lot of things in my life. this dream is one of them.

a while ago while i was washing the dishes, ma went inside the kitchen and out of nowhere i asked her if she thinks i'll be able to really study at AUP. she didn't laugh or shake her head, she said we'll work hard for it. she said we have some savings to spend. and i felt extremely sad. my parents are now in the time of their lives where they're starting to save up for themselves, because they're already old and tired. my dad wants to retire already but he's working because i'm still in college and because they also have to have money when they go to canada. and i have no intention of using their money to study again. that's why i had it all planned out, well, not exactly. i've done some computations, and there is no way i can support myself in AUP because it costs a lot. but maybe with a little help from ISLP or other student loan organizations. maybe i can try for scholarship. or you know, just whatever. i hate it when my dad calls me spoiled, because i felt that i worked hard for the things i want and that i pay for half the things i own, but the truth is i have it easy, i have a good life. i am probably just too ecstatic about the thought of studying arts abroad, but i know life will be hard. i already checked some apartments, and some chambre de bonne, and although they're a little bigger than my room, they're not exactly home. i would have to work at starbucks or some cafe, and that's if i'm lucky or if my french doesn't suck. i would be studying and working at the same time. i wouldn't have the luxury to eat good food or to once in a while buy myself something expensive. i would have to make ends meet, and i know that sometimes they wouldn't. i would also suffer from massive loneliness, and knowing noone there i would be all alone in dealing with it.....

....papa's right. i sorta think a lot. i just, i don't know, want this too much. i know if i don't get in, i'd be able to try out for other universities. university of manitoba's okay. but i just really want this one. and i want to make sure i try everything.

....

i'm keeping myself from writing. because i'm having bitter thoughts, again, and well, it's been awhile. i just don't want to go back again and i'm really trying this time. like really torturing myself by not writing anything about it. i don't know how long i can hold on like this. especially with nothing or noone to hold on to.

tomorrow is supposed to be the beginning of my summer.
now, that may sound senseless, but you see tomorrow i'm supposed to be going with some college friends to anilao, because bop's got a house there. and i could almost imagine the sand under my feet, i could almost see the beach. but no, chase just texted and told me it was canceled. i still don't know what happened. i am waiting for someone to text me the full details.

urgh. although i have to admit, though unproductive my summer has been full of 'going outs' and 'buying stuffs' i never really got anywhere other than manila and here in binan. you don't exactly get tan while frequenting the mall, right? and besides, my bikinis also have to get used you know. and the summer is the only decent reason to go out almost naked, so i have to enjoy it. i have to. or else my bikinis will be stuck in my closet til next summer. well, actually, i'll be going to subic this weekend til monday, but that's with the family. that's a different kind of fun compared to being with friends. and my dad don't usually let me go out with friends, and he allowed me two nights and three days without parental supervision. at the beach. it sounded so perfect.

so, maybe i'll just wait a little longer. for their text, i mean. and if it really is cancelled, i'll go to batangas anyway, drag whoever, nobody's going to stop me from enjoying this summer.

james

BREAKING NEWS!
according to perez hilton, it looks like james mcavoy will be paying bilbo baggins in the hobbit. that's the prequel to lord of the rings for the non-j.r.r. tolkien fans.

i don't know how to react. i knew the hobbit will be coming out, one day. the trilogy's done. and tolkien fans are probably dying to see the prequel in live action, to see if it matches their imagination. and with how big the trilogy was, both the lotr producers and director knew that the hobbit will be big too. but, ugh. james mcavoy? he's not so small. and, ugh, i just don't think, he's, wah! no, no, no. it just seems wrong. i mean yeah, he probably did well as mr.tumnus, although i really don't know because i didn't and couldn't watch-but as a hobbit? i just... *sigh*
okaaay, fine, that's probably gonna bring him good honor. that's the hobbit!! my dad says it's better than the trilogy, i wouldn't know, i'm still not half done with the book-and no i'm not reading it because it's gonna be a movie, and james mcavoy's gonna be in it. i think i mentioned i am reading it in one of my david cook entries. anyway, anyway, he'll prolly play the part well. it's just, bilbo baggins is a hobbit, duh, i just. he doesn't sound so hot in the book, how will they make james mcavoy not hot? oh right. they did just that in chronicles of narnia.

but because it's jrr tolkien, the creator of middle earth, i will watch it. it won't be as good as the book, i bet, but i'll watch it. actually, we should all watch it, it is said to be the greatest fantasy epic of our time (actually that's what it says on the cover)


oh well.

eat bulaga

I had my nail done this afternoon. and the people in this salon where i usually have my manicure and/or pedicure done are big Kapuso fans. so anyway they were watching eat bulaga and i don't know what the game is called, basta the contestants are asked a question and they are given the first letter of the answer as a clue. the question was:

"anong 'f' ang meron ang tao, pero walang tao ang magkapareho nito"

i thought it was sure win, i thought everyone knew the answer is fingerprint, but the lady said "face?!"
hahaha. oo nga naman. sana nga lang walang twin-looking people like michael v. and my brother, or jared leto and zac efron. hmm, wacha think? the other question was
"sa fairy tales, anong 'f' ang pag hinalikan ay nagiging prince?"
"frince charming?" hahaha! seryoso. and i thought things like this only happen in bob ong books. totoo pala. haha!
and the last funny one was
"kung ang ateneo ay eagle, anong 'f' naman ang adamson?"
...
...
...
"hindi ba fidgeon?" -michael v.
hahaha! i love michael v. if i watch gma, it's only because it's bubble gang and michae v.'s there. not only does he look like my brother but he's also funny. ofcourse, bubble gang gets cornier and cornier through the years- but still, it can sometimes make me laugh.

chapter 27

BEHOLD:
hot twins! ugh, i wish. that's just jared leto and zac efron. they look like each other, right? only ofcourse, jared is way hotter, i don't know about his music though, it's not like i tried to listen, i just don't think it'll be cool. and well, in the words of clark gable:

"frankly my dear, i don't give a damn."

anyway. i seriously need to watch chapter 27, although marish said it's no so good. still, i just have to , just to see how they made jared leto, unhot. here's a photo preview of the big change:you can't help but ignore the picture on the right. ugh

this blog entry is entitled: magsawa ka sa mukha ko.
sorry naman. when i'm alone and bored, i tend to be extremely vain. don't judge, we're all vain, nagkataon lang na ako saksakan. hahaha! besides this is my blog, so i can do anything with it, right?

ready??enlarge at your own risk

so anyway, cy left me a message at multiply. apparently the way way overdue pictorial photos for desaparecidos are now open for public. oha, soshal, may ganun. the moment i opened her multiply site because i just can't wait to get my hands on those photos, i saw HIS face. kinilig ako, hahaha! hay, crush nga naman. amf. ang corny. o anyway, here are the Desapics.

whatver

everytime i'm not online, i think of all these stuff i want to write about. but as soon as i open my blogger account, my head goes blank. ofcourse, i do remember the nonsense i am about to fill this blog with, i just can't seem to collect the thoughts to actually make it into seemingly meaningful and relevant paragraphs. oh well, i guess i would have to just, keep it simple:

• i should've taken piano lessons this summer. i've already forgotten to read piano sheets, i tried to play coldplay's the scientist the other day, and well-i need some lessons.
• i was planning to write about the CFC issue. to defend the real CFC. although i'm not sure i am in the position to defend the community, being inactive and all - but still, i am a part of it and i do have my say about it.
• i'm broke. i spent too much this summer, even though it sure feels as if i was deprived of any summer activities. turns out i did went out and bought a lot.
• i also gained a lot of weight which sucks because i remember spending a lot of time (well, 30 mins max) exercising with my brother. and because i bought a new bikini that would look extremely good in any body other than mine.
• i'm not a 'brand' person. but i currently have a folder in my notebook containing pictures of overpriced bags and shoes that i want to get a hold of. including miu miu vitello lux satchel, that costs $1,150.00, i found one at ebay that costs a little lighter, P15,000++ okay?! that helped. i know that i won't be able to buy it, but still, i open the folder every once in awhile just looking at it.
• junior year is coming and i'm more scared than my first day in college.
• i don't want to sound like every 18 girl i know, but i hate my hair (i don't know why i had it cut anyway) and i feel fat and boring.
• i want to watch sex and the city and win carrie's manolos at the same time.
• sooner or later it is going to dawn on me that i wasted this summer over nothing productive when i should've 1.) wrote a bunch of poetry for my thesis 2.) read like crazy 3.) watched season 4 and 5 of One Tree Hill 4.) watched sex and the city or oc or whatever 5.) studied piano again
• i'm ranting, aren't i?
  

ek trip

i was supposed to post this yesterday, but ended up downloading a bunch of songs in my brother's limewire. and a david cook video! :)
anyway, i was at EK last friday. i was with Ehm, TJ, Weng, Selle, Mak and Chase. ang kulang lang si tine, her mom's in the hospital so she couldn't come. the only time we got together outside Elbi was... south forbes swimming. we won't all be together next sem because, well, tine, weng and selle are moving out. so this might be the last housemate-get-together. and i actually thought we'll be together for four years.
anyway, twas fun. as expected. this is a dawning-summer celebration. and what better way to prepare ourselves for the grueling next months we call junior year but to have fun right?
i'm not making any sense, basta i had a blast! :)

i love you housemates!

...

WARNING: The following entry includes girly (and fr-fetched) imaginations of white lace and throwing of bouquets, you are free to puke your way through

today is zee 'rents 31zt anniversary. how cool is that?
today, David Cook won over Archuleta in American Idol. today is zee bezt diy evah! i sooo love David Cook and would marry him despite our 8 year age gap. i wonder how'd that feel, marrying a rockstar/singer i mean. i've fantasized about marrying a chef, wouldn't that be, like the coolest? you'd have someone to prepare you meals. someone to bake you cake. you'd be pissed off from work and would come home to a dinner you can't even pronounce. he'd be hot too, or not, he could look like Bobby Flay, that'll be just fine as long as he's also an iron chef

a painter, he'd paint you from a scene in his head. he'd memorize your face enough to draw you in different angles, different expressions like he's drawn you all his life. wouldn't it be the sweetest thing to one day peek into his art room, only to find a a score or more paintings of you. the day he first met you, the pink cardigan you wore with a fly-sized barbecue sauce stain in the left shoulder, the unsure yet calm look in your eyes and your lopsided smile.

a writer you'll write palancas together. drive each other mad with disagreement over The Hobbits. He'll recite poetry at dinner time, write you letters for no reason whatsoever, challenge your vocabulary from time to time. in your writing desks across each other, you'd be each other's number one critic, in bed, each other's number one fan. he'll win awards and you will too, and you'll celebrate it by writing another award winning whatever.

them, among a few more. like athletes, or professors or... well you get the point. doctors, never, i just don't think we could talk about anything, he'd be talking gibberish to me, now that i think of it he could prolly take care of me well, but i just don't see any artistic growth in a relationship with a doctor.) rockstars, well, even though i was sorta crazy bout Adam Levine for the longest time, i just, i don't know, didn't think of marrying him. but David Cook, hmmm, he must not be as hot as Adam, and though most would disagree with this, he's got a better singing voice. hmmm *dreamy* what would it be like married to a rockstar? maybe i should phone Gwyneth and ask her. if i'm married to David Cook, i'd make him sing nonstop in the shower. i'm definitely present and upfront in his every concert screaming his name like crazy. i'd have his poster over our headboard, and our doorbell would be his voice singing Dare You To Move. hahaha. i'm kidding. i don't know. i'd just probably kiss him plenty even with all the hair 'round his lips. idunker :)


(i guess it's really freaky that i imagine all this. i think girls all think of this-that or i really have a very wild imagination. oh well, one day when i read this again and felt extremely embarrassed about it, i could always delete it. right?)