this blog entry is entitled: magsawa ka sa mukha ko.
sorry naman. when i'm alone and bored, i tend to be extremely vain. don't judge, we're all vain, nagkataon lang na ako saksakan. hahaha! besides this is my blog, so i can do anything with it, right?

ready??enlarge at your own risk

so anyway, cy left me a message at multiply. apparently the way way overdue pictorial photos for desaparecidos are now open for public. oha, soshal, may ganun. the moment i opened her multiply site because i just can't wait to get my hands on those photos, i saw HIS face. kinilig ako, hahaha! hay, crush nga naman. amf. ang corny. o anyway, here are the Desapics.

desaparecidos. officially over.

so long DESAPARECIDOS, you are forever engraved in a fraction of my heart.
the lives that are changed by your story will never be the same.
and the families of the lost souls to which you are dedicated will no longer be only of desolation, but also of hoping.

lost and not yet found, light a candle, help little children reunite with their fathers, wives with their husbands, husbands with their wives, mothers with their children. light a candle, and help a desaparecidos find their way home.





maraming salamat sa mga nanuod. sumuporta. sabi ko nga, hindi mahalaga kung ilang mga buhay mula sa 900 na nanuod ng desaparecidos ang nabago, ang namulat ang naging mas makabuluhan. ang mahalaga, kaming mga nagsipaglabas ay patuloy na magsindi ng kandila sa pagasang isang araw ay samasama nating ipaglalaban ang katarungan para sa mga nawawala. tagalog ano? galing eh. basta salamat din sa mga kapwa nagsipag-ganap. hindi buo ang karanasan ng wala kayo. hindi na sanay ang sistema ng katawan kong hindi tumuloy sa NCAS o sa CDL na may dalang pole kasing bigat ko at itim na belo. hahanap-hanapin ng katawan at ng puso ko ang gabi-gabi nating pagkikita at pagsasama sa hirap at saya ng rehearsal at workshop. salamat. maaring pinabigat ng produksyong ito ang puso ko, masakit kahit sa panandalian ang pakiramdam ng mawalan. kaya kayo, wag mawawala. ayos?? mahal na mahal ko ang desa at ang lahat ng tao sa loob nito. salamat sa ANTS (Alipin ng Teatro at Sining) mga masokista tayo! sige lang ang laban. prod lang ng prod, kahit magbagsakan ang grades. JOOOOOOOOKEEEEE LAAAAAAAANG!

pictures to follow.

this is what i call an update but you can call it crap if you want to

i have lots of kwentos. but, BUT, i have no time. thanks to nightly rehearsals and professors who think we're super-iskos/as. i can't even write about the debut. it's not like there's something to write about it anyway. haha! it was a disaster, except ofcourse, we are all masters in pretending. i may not be good in acting but i definitely nailed the line 'oh, everything's okay.. ay, ok lang yun, ano ka ba?' but it did not exactly fall apart, thanks to kuya rammil, mama and ate apple who were the busy bees at the party.

so anyway. the fun part was seeing the gifts, i never had so many! i was drooling just by seeing all of them lined up waiting for me to open them. ooohh i love the body shop paperbags the most. i kinda get the feeling the gifts inside would require me to take a bath more often. hahaha! (oh but i have no time. hahaha) i appreciate all the gifts but it's so hard not to have a favorite. or favorites. sorry na. but i shall post The List some other time, when i finally have the time.

anyway, i enjoy the stage. not actually having to appear in it right infront of 800-900 people (the DL Umali seating capacity) but being backstage. my dad told me to stop participating in productions, after all i am majoring in writing (di lang halata, okay!!!) sabi nya, i don't need it. it was not an exaggeration when someone from thespian circle told me that theater is addicting. i kinda got hooked. from Pagbulas ng Sibol, i did not let another sem pass without me volunteering or working for a production. ofcourse it is mostly backstage work, so it is kind of new to me to be working with other actors not as a stage manager or as a set and props committee member, but as an actor as well. the process isn't normal either. the past productions did not require as much physical and emotional pain, atleast that is what i saw. with Desaparecidos, pain is a qualification. without having experienced a great amount of pain, the characters are at stake. sir Joey doesn't like acting on stage. never act. you should also never play the role. you should be the role. it's so hard to imagine yourself the role with desa, especially when i found out that they are real people, real abducted, tortured, raped and killed people. whatever meaning you give to the character, it always doesn't seem to give them enough justice.

but moving out of the 'story' context and moving on to the rehearsals and workshops proper, it was fun. ofcourse the movement workshops are grueling, sometimes cruel and agonizingly intolerable, but it was fun. the rehearsals meant having to see sir joey and that is an experience i could never write about. he is more than Icebag to me, without me having to pay 100 for the ticket-oh joy! but even though it is fun and i am surely going to miss everyone, i have to admit, i am a bit relieved that it will end soon. why? i'm exhausted. i'm not tired, i am terribly exhausted. i have to juggle academics, desaparecidos, my responsibility to my family (my brother just came home from canada and i have to be at home as much as i can, but i can't)and my family and my academics are the ones suffering the most. babagsakin na nga ako eh, hahaha. and i can't count the numerous family activities i missed, and i really want to be around my brother and my niece and nephew all the time but i don't even have the time to sleep for more than 5 hours. before desaparecidos i was already too busy to have the time to write, or to read a new book. but now i simply don't have the time for anything. i can't even fix myself up, even with the desire to look good before a certain someone. no. i just don't have the time. but i love desa. i super love desa. ewan. basta. atleast it was a good experience. it's my first time in UP to be a part of a play wherein i actually have to act, tapos experimental play pa. amazing lang eh.

but i can't wait for this semester to end. because everything sucks! coma192 sucks! coma104 sucks! history2 sucks! i don't expect some high grades, and i can't wait for next sem too, so i can start anew, but with majors finally filling up my sched, i won't be expecting some applaud-worthy grades next sem. so much for optimism.

i wonder what i'm going to do this summer? the trip to bacolod was cancelled. and i have a million books from my debut. so i guess i better start reading, prepare myself for a read-free sem next sem, as i also will be part of another production, which production, i am not certain. i don't know. basta, the sun, the company of good books, a tall glass of iced tea (not nestle iced tea ofcourse), a jordi labanda notebook in one hand and gtec .3 in the other, and perhaps the sporadic visitations of friends and cousins would probably fill up my summer. hmmm... sounds good to me.

desaparecidos update

i'm physically and mentally drained. not only did i have to finish 5 papers for humanities 170 overnight, but these papers i have to do after 3 grueling hours of workshop. and no, not acting but dance workshop. and i know that i don't totally suck at it but i do look more than sucky infront of ate icing. she's really intimidating. ang galing kasi eh.

so anyway, last night was the most painful workshop i've ever gone through with her. last weekend i was in so much pain because of our thursday night workshop, but last night was by far the most painful. it was fun though. una kasi partners lang, and you have to get across the room with your partner in a dance, not really a dance pero basta dat graceful tas kailangan may magkadikit kayo na body parts, it doesn't matter if you roll around, touch each others faces with each other's legs, basta get to the other corner of the room na magkadikit, kahit alin sa katawan nyo. denise was my partner so that was the easy part. then i got to be partners with JR, and seriously i don't even know the guy that well tas para kaming nagsesex sa floor. but it was fun and it's what we're supposed to do so it didn't matter if my face was between his legs or whatever seemingly gross position we got ourselves into. basta go lang. ayun. tas after that we had to do it as a group. yes, all nine of us. man that was torture!! i felt my breasts isolated from my body, one time somebody was rolling over me, then another, parang may umapak pa nga eh, sobrang napress down lang naman ung face ko sa bato-batong floor eh, but we all got so entranced with the music and the movements that nobody seemed to care if we're on each others butts or that we're going to regret this tomorrow when our muscles start to hurt, sobrang thankful ako that nobody smelled bad last night, or i swear it'll be thrice as hard. so yun, yung first try we all ended up above Barok. and i was the one right above him, everybody weighed so heavy on me so you could just imagine how heavy we are for barok. so sorry na. grabe di lang sya nakatayo kahit nung umalis na kami lahat eh. hahaha.

the next activity was still the same, except that we also have to transfer vynne from the right corner to the left corner without any of her body parts touching the floor, we're not allowed to carry her, she kinda has to flow like water, and we have to be sort of a chever, gets yon?? we did it twice before doing it right. BODY PAIN!!! tas yung last part nakahiga ako tas barok was on his back pero basta para kong river tas para syang bridge, intiendes?? like a bridge over troubled water. yown. hahaha! but his weight was on his hands para di sya tuluyang malaglag sakin, tas sabi nya, 'madudurog na kita' sabi ko, 'ok lang' oha?? shiet. mowment. haha ayoko na nga nakakahiya na. nakakahiya. ako.

AYOKO NA. Ayokoooo naaa! HAHA! workshop na naman mamaya. last for the week though, but my legs are killikng me. forget about looking like a foolish dizzy woman when doing the endless turns or when doing the pretzel. o sige kalimutan na rin na i have to do it infront of him, not that he watched though. yon. pero grabe super pasa-pasa ako. haha! buti nalang enjoy.