may God forgive the mansons

yesterday was shitty but i'll still be shut about it, except that i will always remember it as the day How I Met Your Mother and Chase saved me a few minutes before today happened. and well, today was great until i listened to helter skelter and mentioned it. soon my parents were telling me about sharon tate and charles manson and all that sick stuff. way to go! really, now i feel extremely christmassy!!! sick sick people. i can't believe they actually exist. and my mom even wanted to show me pictures of the house, and the Helter Skelter on the walls, i freakin saw sharon tate, pregnant, bloody and all. and some people actually look up to this charles manson guy! they even have his face for tattoos. SICK! okay, i can now tolerate che guevarra wearing people who don't even know the hero, just leave that manson guy in the 1960s where he belongs. and way to go manson, you just ruined a potential favorite beatles song! NOW I'M STUCK WITH BLACKBIRD!

I hope i get my perkiness back tomorrow.

i hope noone reads this before christmas. curiousity is deadly.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. and as everyone might head out to post christmas parties and all the jazz (except me) i will borrow a line from my lifesaver, How I Met Your Mother:

a friend does not let a friend drink and dial.

dodoooodo

WORST CONNECTION. not exactly that big a deal. but if it's a saturday night. with not one good movie on tv. and your cousins just left and you're bored to death not to mention sick. the only thing you could do is download games and play big fish games online. but the connection is WORSE than Worst. well it's a completely different story.

anyway, andito sila Ella kanina. they stayed until 11, i think. i love my cousins so much, i can even survive the fat comments when it comes from them. they actually think i can get any guy, achieve whatever i want, even save the world, if only i was a little thinner. sweet no? hahaha! they weren't surprised i was getting fat. the house was literally overflowing with party leftovers because my mom had a week long celebration.

so anyway. will sleep now.

singhot singa

this is tolerable. i mean, if it isn't i wouldn't survive 4days. minsan kasi okay, tas minsan sobrang sama lang ng pakiramdam ko. and i'm the kind of person na hindi pwedeng iwan pag may sakit, nadadapress ako. all day today i was stuck in my parents room, playing big fish games, which later made me dizzy. tas tuloy tuloy lang ang pasok ng pagkain, buko pie, barbeque, banana cake, doughnut, and the list goes on.. and all day din, puno ng tao yung bahay. para kong patabaing baboy na maarte't kailangan naka-aircon.

so anyway, can you imagine wala ni isang magandang movie, and i was watching tv since 3 this afternoon. good thing, pinalabas yung partition. which i love. so okay, medyo hindi maganda yung linyang "she made me want to live again" natawa lang ako sa asar. haha! but i love the movie, i did not enjoy it as it is not the ending i wanted, but it is a good movie. at ever since naman gandang ganda lang talaga ko kay kristin kreuk. basta ang ganda. ang ganda ng scenes sa field, o nung naliligo sya sa ulan. ang ganda nya sa blue, orange at pink na tela. hahaha! anyway, the lead guy was familiar(and kinda cute too) but i couldn't remember where i saw him, so imdb-ed him. so guess where?? The Guru! The Truth About Love! HAHAHAHA! so i have to say, gusto ko ang pagkalabas nya sa Partition. i totally forgot his other roles :) (names Jimi Mistry by the way)

oh well. basta sana magaling na'ko bukas. masakit umubo, parang sasabog parati yung ulo ko. at nakakasawa suminghot at sumingha.

pop art madness

POP ART Madness

there's so much to do. pero bored pa rin ako. dahil dyan, to the rescue ang photobooth ni kuya.

mga rare moments na i actually love my hair :) don't get me wrong, there is no way na magpapakacrazy ako ulit at papagupitan yan. can't wait for my hair to grow.










the first picture reminds me of marish, kamuka ko sya dyan, hahaha napapunta tuloy ako sa friendster nya bigla. haha!

updates galore..or not

the cultural night is officially over, now i can focus on my production..or not.
still have a lot of things on my head, just got home from my math11 mock exam. ayokong magmath22!! i hate that i have a knack for sucking at everything. it's frustrating. once (okay, twice unless you want to take comsci11 instead) in a comarts student's life, one has to take math electives, and one would realize that truly, shit happens!

on a lighter note, i am harboring a schoolgirl crush on someone. which is actually insane because i haven't had this feelings since Desa, and that felt like a long time ago. but what's even crazier is that ... she's a girl. i know, i know. but like i said, it's just a schoolgirl crush. and she's not lesbo, mind you, she's actually a little girly.

dad's coming home tomorrow. yeeha!

i actually have more rantings, but i'll save it for tomorrow. it's early in the morning and i'm still on a good mood.

grr

so i wrote this really long entry about the things that has been bothering me.
you know, the usual stuff, insecurities along with a few dreams i've been keeping in boxes, collecting dust. and i don't know what happened. i just lost it.

and this stupid thing is supposed to save it, right? like it says so down there next to save now. this supposedly intelligent blog usually saves automatically. di ko alam kung anu nangyari. shet talaga. ayoko ng ulitin cause i can't.

good for you though. nasave ka sa reklamong bonggang-bongga.

kung anu ano

my dad will be home in 14 days. yey! :)

the thing is i'm not sure i'll be around when he comes home, no not because my thombstone will say 'death by play', and joining two plays is suicide but because i'd be super busy by then. hay. my french exam was easy, i expected it to be harder. pero dahil nakapagaral ako, yes, nasingit ko yun sa rehearsals and other non-acad stuff - muka namang mataas ako. except for spelling siguro, nakakairita, kung pera lang ang bawat letra then french spelling is a big waste of money. san ka nakakita ang basa dito ay keskese, tapos ang spelling ay qu'est-ce que c'est. oha.

o yun. dahil wala akong life except for rehearsals, di nalang ako magpopost ng kung ano-ano. nakakapagod mag reklamong pagod na pagod na ko.

anyway, i just saw some pics from kuya box. i really love this one :)

finally. kanina pa ko dapat nagbablog eh, but no, nareredirect ako sa kung saang page. virus, sakit sa ulo. wala naman talaga ko sasabihin, i'll only brag about my hectic sched next week, para kunwari i have a life. but really, suicide ako next week. in addition to my 7-10 tous les jours rehearsal, i also have a COMA105 exhibit, French script and exam, Fil21 quiz and finals tom na simula 3pm to 1am. tapos 8 am archery class the next day, waaaaaw man, ang sarap!

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, my body is. nightly rehearsals are not just line readings you know, we actually move our asses, bien sur it's not as hard as ate icing's workshop, but still masakit sa katawan ang shingga shingga na yan ah. and it's also not like it helps me lose some pounds, i compensate tiredness with pigging out like crazy. oh life is good. sarcasm makes it so much better.

Hinabing Pakpak ng ating mga Anak was probably the best play i ever watched. okay, okay, i've been a part of some of the best productions i've seen, but Dulaang UP's Hinabing Pakpak, is the best. seryoso. ok, i tend to exaggerate so i'm not going to say that their choreography is amazing, cause the truth is it's not so perfect. maganda yung movements ah pero, i don't know siguro dun may kulang. but the set, the performance, the costume-ang ganda! JC Santos? ANG GWAPO. okay, so i got this really crazy crush on Arnold Reyes when we watched Circa at CCP, i remember fantasizing about him for a couple of weeks, matagal tagal din, inaabang-abangan sya sa commercial. haha! this time, it's JC Santos. younger than Arnold Reyes, oha. and talented too. plus he signed my playbill. grabe the things i do to embarrass myself. haha! he asked me the title of our play. tsk tsk, should've asked him to watch.

anyway, i saw some of the photos from the UP Dil. people. pero onti plang. eto yung iba:

this is by mabel, b-an's beffy.

this is by kuya box (boks)

wala pa yung sa isang girl, yeah the one who drives like crazy. yon, wala pa. i won't post hazel's pictures kahit pa natetempt ako. haha! macocompare kasi. she's so pretty. actually this experience made me very insecure. oh well, i'll get over it.

crazy talk

i've been planning to study abroad after college. although the real sure thing is that i will be leaving for canada right after graduation. studying fine arts at UST did cross my mind but i really want to experience studying far away from home and well, UST is and will always be two of my brother's well loved home. after several plans i came up with 'the one', the this-is-it plan. i'd be leaving for canada late april or early may and will be living there a maximum of two months, i will then visit some of my cousins in the states (and go to disneyland!) and then, i will go to paris to study. crazy? i know. I was this excited when i wanted to study at UP, but even that was a suntok sa buwan decision. because 1.) i'm not even in the top of my class and 2.) i'm like in the third class from the star section. my dad bought me this study by yourself book while some of my friends enrolled at MSA. i know even he doubted whether i could pass. but i did, and i'm hoping that this time the angels will work on my side again.

let's go back to the plan. ofcourse when i get there i won't be studying right away. especially since the tuition fee costs a bajillion times more than UP tuition. also because the smallest of apartments costs 650 euros. according to my research, minimum wage would sum up to 3000 euros a month, but the take home pay would only be 2,700 or so. minus the rent, the electricity, the laundry and stuff, you'd only get about 50 to spend daily. what about the supposedly money left for savings? for duh, what i was there for, university? if you really think about it, it's kinda depressing. my dad says i think a lot, and that it's too early to think about it. he said i should atleast be in junior year before i start worrying about studying again. but i'll be in junior year, in less than a week.

i really want to go, i don't want this to be something i wanted at some point in my life. because of this i'm changing a lot of things in my 5 year plan. i've always wanted to graduate early, and i would actually be graduating early compared to the usual 21 year old graduates, i would graduate from college the month i turn 20. so i though it would be okay to study some more, because if i want a masters degree, i'd be done with it by 22 or 23, which is not bad. but i've decided to take another 4-year course. i'd be taking up comparative literature minor in theater and performance or comparative literature. and because i would be working for a year or so, i would be 25 or 26 by the time i graduate. a little old to still be studying, i've always wanted to have my own family by 24. but i really want this, and the course i'm talking about would be under the department of arts and literature and where better to study arts than in france, right? who am i kidding? when i was a little younger i spent half my days plotting how i will meet david beckham, what i will say down to what i will be wearing. and then there was this day when i sort of just hit my head and asked, what was i thinking? it was depressing, to suddenly wake up and realize that you wasted weeks, or a month being delusional. it was also depressing because you know that you'll never meet him, or talk to him. funny as it seems, it's absolutely true about a lot of things in my life. this dream is one of them.

a while ago while i was washing the dishes, ma went inside the kitchen and out of nowhere i asked her if she thinks i'll be able to really study at AUP. she didn't laugh or shake her head, she said we'll work hard for it. she said we have some savings to spend. and i felt extremely sad. my parents are now in the time of their lives where they're starting to save up for themselves, because they're already old and tired. my dad wants to retire already but he's working because i'm still in college and because they also have to have money when they go to canada. and i have no intention of using their money to study again. that's why i had it all planned out, well, not exactly. i've done some computations, and there is no way i can support myself in AUP because it costs a lot. but maybe with a little help from ISLP or other student loan organizations. maybe i can try for scholarship. or you know, just whatever. i hate it when my dad calls me spoiled, because i felt that i worked hard for the things i want and that i pay for half the things i own, but the truth is i have it easy, i have a good life. i am probably just too ecstatic about the thought of studying arts abroad, but i know life will be hard. i already checked some apartments, and some chambre de bonne, and although they're a little bigger than my room, they're not exactly home. i would have to work at starbucks or some cafe, and that's if i'm lucky or if my french doesn't suck. i would be studying and working at the same time. i wouldn't have the luxury to eat good food or to once in a while buy myself something expensive. i would have to make ends meet, and i know that sometimes they wouldn't. i would also suffer from massive loneliness, and knowing noone there i would be all alone in dealing with it.....

....papa's right. i sorta think a lot. i just, i don't know, want this too much. i know if i don't get in, i'd be able to try out for other universities. university of manitoba's okay. but i just really want this one. and i want to make sure i try everything.

....

i'm keeping myself from writing. because i'm having bitter thoughts, again, and well, it's been awhile. i just don't want to go back again and i'm really trying this time. like really torturing myself by not writing anything about it. i don't know how long i can hold on like this. especially with nothing or noone to hold on to.

this blog entry is entitled: magsawa ka sa mukha ko.
sorry naman. when i'm alone and bored, i tend to be extremely vain. don't judge, we're all vain, nagkataon lang na ako saksakan. hahaha! besides this is my blog, so i can do anything with it, right?

ready??enlarge at your own risk

so anyway, cy left me a message at multiply. apparently the way way overdue pictorial photos for desaparecidos are now open for public. oha, soshal, may ganun. the moment i opened her multiply site because i just can't wait to get my hands on those photos, i saw HIS face. kinilig ako, hahaha! hay, crush nga naman. amf. ang corny. o anyway, here are the Desapics.

whatver

everytime i'm not online, i think of all these stuff i want to write about. but as soon as i open my blogger account, my head goes blank. ofcourse, i do remember the nonsense i am about to fill this blog with, i just can't seem to collect the thoughts to actually make it into seemingly meaningful and relevant paragraphs. oh well, i guess i would have to just, keep it simple:

• i should've taken piano lessons this summer. i've already forgotten to read piano sheets, i tried to play coldplay's the scientist the other day, and well-i need some lessons.
• i was planning to write about the CFC issue. to defend the real CFC. although i'm not sure i am in the position to defend the community, being inactive and all - but still, i am a part of it and i do have my say about it.
• i'm broke. i spent too much this summer, even though it sure feels as if i was deprived of any summer activities. turns out i did went out and bought a lot.
• i also gained a lot of weight which sucks because i remember spending a lot of time (well, 30 mins max) exercising with my brother. and because i bought a new bikini that would look extremely good in any body other than mine.
• i'm not a 'brand' person. but i currently have a folder in my notebook containing pictures of overpriced bags and shoes that i want to get a hold of. including miu miu vitello lux satchel, that costs $1,150.00, i found one at ebay that costs a little lighter, P15,000++ okay?! that helped. i know that i won't be able to buy it, but still, i open the folder every once in awhile just looking at it.
• junior year is coming and i'm more scared than my first day in college.
• i don't want to sound like every 18 girl i know, but i hate my hair (i don't know why i had it cut anyway) and i feel fat and boring.
• i want to watch sex and the city and win carrie's manolos at the same time.
• sooner or later it is going to dawn on me that i wasted this summer over nothing productive when i should've 1.) wrote a bunch of poetry for my thesis 2.) read like crazy 3.) watched season 4 and 5 of One Tree Hill 4.) watched sex and the city or oc or whatever 5.) studied piano again
• i'm ranting, aren't i?
  

...

WARNING: The following entry includes girly (and fr-fetched) imaginations of white lace and throwing of bouquets, you are free to puke your way through

today is zee 'rents 31zt anniversary. how cool is that?
today, David Cook won over Archuleta in American Idol. today is zee bezt diy evah! i sooo love David Cook and would marry him despite our 8 year age gap. i wonder how'd that feel, marrying a rockstar/singer i mean. i've fantasized about marrying a chef, wouldn't that be, like the coolest? you'd have someone to prepare you meals. someone to bake you cake. you'd be pissed off from work and would come home to a dinner you can't even pronounce. he'd be hot too, or not, he could look like Bobby Flay, that'll be just fine as long as he's also an iron chef

a painter, he'd paint you from a scene in his head. he'd memorize your face enough to draw you in different angles, different expressions like he's drawn you all his life. wouldn't it be the sweetest thing to one day peek into his art room, only to find a a score or more paintings of you. the day he first met you, the pink cardigan you wore with a fly-sized barbecue sauce stain in the left shoulder, the unsure yet calm look in your eyes and your lopsided smile.

a writer you'll write palancas together. drive each other mad with disagreement over The Hobbits. He'll recite poetry at dinner time, write you letters for no reason whatsoever, challenge your vocabulary from time to time. in your writing desks across each other, you'd be each other's number one critic, in bed, each other's number one fan. he'll win awards and you will too, and you'll celebrate it by writing another award winning whatever.

them, among a few more. like athletes, or professors or... well you get the point. doctors, never, i just don't think we could talk about anything, he'd be talking gibberish to me, now that i think of it he could prolly take care of me well, but i just don't see any artistic growth in a relationship with a doctor.) rockstars, well, even though i was sorta crazy bout Adam Levine for the longest time, i just, i don't know, didn't think of marrying him. but David Cook, hmmm, he must not be as hot as Adam, and though most would disagree with this, he's got a better singing voice. hmmm *dreamy* what would it be like married to a rockstar? maybe i should phone Gwyneth and ask her. if i'm married to David Cook, i'd make him sing nonstop in the shower. i'm definitely present and upfront in his every concert screaming his name like crazy. i'd have his poster over our headboard, and our doorbell would be his voice singing Dare You To Move. hahaha. i'm kidding. i don't know. i'd just probably kiss him plenty even with all the hair 'round his lips. idunker :)


(i guess it's really freaky that i imagine all this. i think girls all think of this-that or i really have a very wild imagination. oh well, one day when i read this again and felt extremely embarrassed about it, i could always delete it. right?)

IRONMAN

WARNING! LONG ENTRY!

since i was born, having three older brothers and all, i was expected to grow up a princess-wannabe or a basketball-playing-comics-reading-tomboy. and i grew up to be neither. well, actually i'm a little bit of both. i just never really got that comics stuff, i did try to read though. my eldest brother is a fanatic. kuya Ouel is not a neat person, but he was extremely, crazily obsessed with keeping his comics fold and wrinkle free. they were the love of his life. and he got boxes and boxes of 'em. he was a collector. while everyone was wasting their money on men's magazine or something practical, like uh, food, he was splurging his with comics since the day he learned to read. and my other brothers grew to love comics too.

let's just say i'm not much for superheroes. i got to watch every marvel superhero movie made, but it doesn't mean i enjoyed it all. this gets me to what i'm really supposed to be blogging about. uh, yeah, this is just an introduction. The story is that i watched Ironman with the 'rents and my brother Paolo.

i don't like writing reviews, simply cause i'm not good at it. it's ether i like it, or i don't. and i love Ironman. All i knew about Robert Downey Jr. is that he's old, my sister in law's got a crush on him. and he took drugs. but i'm beginning to think that i'm developing a crush on him too. the dirty look works for me. hahaha! he will be appearing in another movie soon, with Ben Stiller it's gonna be a comedy(with Ben stiller whadya expect?). that's according to the sunday paper. anyway, i love Ironman, maybe because he's not really a superhero, he doesn't have any super powers or anything. he's just super smart, kinda like batman. what i like about the movie is that it's not totally dry like superman or spiderman, definitely not like Batman (although Christian Bale is so much hotter), it's actually funny. the lines are witty. and the main character is self-made superhero, what could be cooler than that?

for those who are planning to watch, stay after the movie, it's a long wait but you get to see another scene after the credits. you get to see another superhero, Nick Fury!!! maybe there's a sequel? about the SHIELD maybe. according to my brother, in the comics, Jim (Tony Stark aka Ironman's friend)will get to be ironman because Tony Stark'll die. cool huh?

the best part of watching in the cinema, is the trailer part.
Edward Norton will play the incredible hulk. weird huh? i mean, i thought Eric Bana fits the role well. apparently, according to my brother, the character is supposed to be a weakling and a nerd. so they made another Hulk to fit the comics another 'coming soon' movie is Wanted. James Mcavoy and Angelina Jolie in one movie? that's got to be hot!! i super love James Mcavoy, and i think he's deserving to get roles like this one. well, after his role in atonement, he sure attracted a lot of positive feedbacks and interest. he's one helluvan actor. Ryan Reynolds and the kid from Little Miss Sunshine are starring in this cute film Definitely, Maybe. it's a father-daughter movie with a little mix of love story. i'm surely gonna watch it, not in the cinema though, pirated DVD?? hmmm.. hahaha! Shia Labeouf in Indiana Jones? i think he's a promising actor too and i'm proud to say i was a fan since Even Stevens. hahaha. i'm not a big indiana jones girl though.

that's it. that's it. im super tired. maybe i'll edit this tomorrow...
or never.

Update: EDITED

wu-lah lang...

before anything else, happy birthday to ern!

i just finished watching she's all that. i hate to admit, but i got pretty kiliged over the movie. denise thinks it's lame, sorry naman i really have something for teenage movies, and, uh, i also have a thing for freddie prinze jr., uh, and rachel leigh cook, i think she's very beautiful, it kinda makes up for her lack in the height department. and i know she's all that is 90s pa, eh sa ngayon ko lang napanuod eh. amazing ang mga extra, si milo, sarah michelle gellar, usher.

napa-youtube ako. because seeing sarah michelle gellar reminded me of simply irresistible, it was one of her old movies. i love that movie, atleat that's what i remember, it was a long time ago, i watched it back when i was a little younger. but since chase' laftof is slooooow, i didn't get to watch even the first part. speaking of youtube, i have been watching happy slip, but again, because chase' laftof is sloooow, di ko rin natatapos. haha.

life update: (and yes, i have a life!) i got a haircut. i only usually get a haircut when i badly need one or im depressed. today, i don't know. i simply needed a change. and it's short too, which is really new to me. usually it scares me to go through a BIG change such as this one. but i feel really good about it. ofcourse, seeing my long long hair get cut was pretty hard... but anyway. yown lang.




ciao!

debut still moments

some pictures from the debut.
it's zee family. my parents in the middle. my brother ouel, at my right, kuya rammil at my left and kuya paolo next to him.


it's zee gown. i usually don't agree on wearing white on any occasion but your own wedding, BUT, i figured, i may never get married, so i'd just pretend this is my wedding. seriously. hahaha


my debut's theme is masquerade. well, supposedly. but most of the masks just rested on the tables like some decorations. not that i mind really, i didn't even wear my own mask. these are some of my college friends making use of the mask decorations.


a rare moment between me and my parents. my parents and i. myself, and my parents?? whatever.


with my beloved housemates. (ang ganda ni weng dito)


thank you speech.

more pictures on multiply :)