happy man yo

ANONG SIKRETO NI HAPPY MAN? gusto kong malaman.

the first and last time math and marquez will be mentioned in one entry

just finished my second math exam, as expected, it was hard. the only difference is this time, i didn't feel depressed. maybe because i already accepted the fact that i suck at it. i was rushing the multiple choice part when i saw half the class leaving, i was excited to tell Denise and Ehm what my answer in the last part was, because i was certain it's right. and you could just imagine what kind of happiness that would bring me to get one problem solving right, and they were waiting for me outside the lecture hall, hopeful that it'll be their last time there, i was telling them that i got 3 and 12 on all sides, all excited only to find their blah faces. you know, the kind of faces you give when you don't know how to tell someone they're wrong...again. haha! it doesn't matter anyway, i'm used to it. and i'm prepared to take math11 again next sem. yeesss! another round of chase patiently explaining damn solutions to me. i remember how Tj was explaining how he got 1 as an answer in one problem and i started bawling like a stupid little poor girl on a toy store. bah! i know how to add my jeans, and count my change. that's all i nedd right? right. that and an accountant.

it's still early and already i'm done with angelo lacuesta's mermaid heart (which won the palanca) and tattoo. well they're just short stories so they're really nothing to brag about. but still, it's a little productive for someone as idle as myself. i liked tattoo, even if there're some medical terms and my father would've been disappointed if he ever found out it got me baffled. i liked it, not because my mom's name was mentioned ha, i liked it, just because.

anyway the semester's on the cliff, i'm just about ready to jump anytime soon. i can drop dead with all the failing or almost failing grades i will receive, but i can just fly and do better next time. okay, that was cheesy. but i've got high spirits. i always start the sem right, and then i get addicted to productions, and well, everyone knows what happens next. the rest of my academics suffer. i can't wait for sembreak, it's as promising as the rest of my past sembreaks. haha! Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Neil Gaiman are waiting for me at home. i'm crazy excited. i have to do some readings for my creative output/thesis and they're on top of my list. surprisingly, magical realism is the theme of my novel. exciting? scary.

i'm scared like whoa.

but it's chase's bday

papa's home.
i still don't know how to tell him i have to go to temple on saturday. he'd be leaving next sunday, so he probably won't let me and it'll be too bad because it's chase's bday.

i'm still thinking if i really should go. i'm not a party person anyway. but it's chase's bday.

and i don't trust his driving much. because he got into an accident somewhere in alabang, not serious but still. but it's his bday.

darn. what to do?

I was hurt more than i was angry. that was the truth. because you were good to me Nikko, and whatever evilness you have in you i refused to see, because like gel, i was your biggest fan. i don't want to hate you. sometimes i wonder if it would've been better if we never found out, but then you'd still be hurting vane. you should've seen her cry, i never hated you more than that exact moment. i swear to God i swore i'd never talk to you again. not after what you did. to her. and to us. i wasn't the one you cheated on. but i felt betrayed too. because we've been friends for so long and i felt as if i knew you,

i loved you nikko, you were my bestfriend. there were some things that i could only tell you, and for good reasons too, you always listened. i thought was being cruel for not listening to your defenses, but for what? what could you possibly say to make cheating right. and with seven other girls? i look back and try to see how you could be the nikko i knew. and no matter how hard i try, i don't understand.

i know this is not about me. but Nikko, i wonder how you could've done this. i wonder how you could hurt us like this.

.....

still waiting for the mathh11 midterm exam results. although i'm pretty sure it won't be something worth rejoicing.

el laberinto dela verdad will be staged on monday and tuesday, yeeesss! tapos isang prod nalang tapos makakapagpahinga na ko. pero syempre hindi rin, wala kong pahinga. okay, i did sleep from 11 pm last night til 5:30 am this morning, then i went back to sleep around 8:45 and woke up at 11. so i guess, pahinga yun, right?

papa came home this weekend. we had dinner with some of their old friends at tito Dennis' house. yon. everyone was having fun, laughing, drinking wine, even kuya rammil's enjoying himself, i was at the sofa, sleeping. god i'm tired. then the next day we had lunch at superbowl with auntie irene and we watched wall-e! it was fun :)

by now, it's safe to say that my life is BORING.

anyway, vincent was here last week. i think he had fun. kahit pa medyo nao-OP daw sya minsan. he calls Chase bayaw now, so i guess boto na sya kay chase, haha!

so. run thru ngayon for el laberinto dela verdad and i still haven't memorized the alamat. and i also have to prepare for tomorrow's report, and i have to read agyu. the latter being the worse i have to do this week. haaaaay!

updates galore..or not

the cultural night is officially over, now i can focus on my production..or not.
still have a lot of things on my head, just got home from my math11 mock exam. ayokong magmath22!! i hate that i have a knack for sucking at everything. it's frustrating. once (okay, twice unless you want to take comsci11 instead) in a comarts student's life, one has to take math electives, and one would realize that truly, shit happens!

on a lighter note, i am harboring a schoolgirl crush on someone. which is actually insane because i haven't had this feelings since Desa, and that felt like a long time ago. but what's even crazier is that ... she's a girl. i know, i know. but like i said, it's just a schoolgirl crush. and she's not lesbo, mind you, she's actually a little girly.

dad's coming home tomorrow. yeeha!

i actually have more rantings, but i'll save it for tomorrow. it's early in the morning and i'm still on a good mood.

movie update

just watched Evening. the trailer's better than the movie, but i still liked it, i just expected more i guess. oh and, Buddy broke my heart. dahil dyan, i have a new crush, Hugh Dancy. yey! who, according to imdb would also appear in Shopaholic (yey!) as Luke. so you can guess i'm not a harris fan, i just don't get what makes him attractive. but buddy, oh buddy. i have to say, the drunk look, curly hair, and pathetic-ness works for me.

"Wittgenstein, Schmittgenstein. What's for lunch?"

it's really freaky that the girl who played the young meryl streep look exactly like her. it turns out she's her daughter. oha. kaya naman pala. anyway, ang totoo im a little disappointed cause i waited for this movie, the trailer really made me sad, i don't know maybe it's one of those movie you have to watch twice or something.

oh well. i enjoyed it naman. kahit papano.

grr

so i wrote this really long entry about the things that has been bothering me.
you know, the usual stuff, insecurities along with a few dreams i've been keeping in boxes, collecting dust. and i don't know what happened. i just lost it.

and this stupid thing is supposed to save it, right? like it says so down there next to save now. this supposedly intelligent blog usually saves automatically. di ko alam kung anu nangyari. shet talaga. ayoko ng ulitin cause i can't.

good for you though. nasave ka sa reklamong bonggang-bongga.

kung anu ano

my dad will be home in 14 days. yey! :)

the thing is i'm not sure i'll be around when he comes home, no not because my thombstone will say 'death by play', and joining two plays is suicide but because i'd be super busy by then. hay. my french exam was easy, i expected it to be harder. pero dahil nakapagaral ako, yes, nasingit ko yun sa rehearsals and other non-acad stuff - muka namang mataas ako. except for spelling siguro, nakakairita, kung pera lang ang bawat letra then french spelling is a big waste of money. san ka nakakita ang basa dito ay keskese, tapos ang spelling ay qu'est-ce que c'est. oha.

o yun. dahil wala akong life except for rehearsals, di nalang ako magpopost ng kung ano-ano. nakakapagod mag reklamong pagod na pagod na ko.

anyway, i just saw some pics from kuya box. i really love this one :)

finally. kanina pa ko dapat nagbablog eh, but no, nareredirect ako sa kung saang page. virus, sakit sa ulo. wala naman talaga ko sasabihin, i'll only brag about my hectic sched next week, para kunwari i have a life. but really, suicide ako next week. in addition to my 7-10 tous les jours rehearsal, i also have a COMA105 exhibit, French script and exam, Fil21 quiz and finals tom na simula 3pm to 1am. tapos 8 am archery class the next day, waaaaaw man, ang sarap!

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, my body is. nightly rehearsals are not just line readings you know, we actually move our asses, bien sur it's not as hard as ate icing's workshop, but still masakit sa katawan ang shingga shingga na yan ah. and it's also not like it helps me lose some pounds, i compensate tiredness with pigging out like crazy. oh life is good. sarcasm makes it so much better.

Hinabing Pakpak ng ating mga Anak was probably the best play i ever watched. okay, okay, i've been a part of some of the best productions i've seen, but Dulaang UP's Hinabing Pakpak, is the best. seryoso. ok, i tend to exaggerate so i'm not going to say that their choreography is amazing, cause the truth is it's not so perfect. maganda yung movements ah pero, i don't know siguro dun may kulang. but the set, the performance, the costume-ang ganda! JC Santos? ANG GWAPO. okay, so i got this really crazy crush on Arnold Reyes when we watched Circa at CCP, i remember fantasizing about him for a couple of weeks, matagal tagal din, inaabang-abangan sya sa commercial. haha! this time, it's JC Santos. younger than Arnold Reyes, oha. and talented too. plus he signed my playbill. grabe the things i do to embarrass myself. haha! he asked me the title of our play. tsk tsk, should've asked him to watch.

anyway, i saw some of the photos from the UP Dil. people. pero onti plang. eto yung iba:

this is by mabel, b-an's beffy.

this is by kuya box (boks)

wala pa yung sa isang girl, yeah the one who drives like crazy. yon, wala pa. i won't post hazel's pictures kahit pa natetempt ako. haha! macocompare kasi. she's so pretty. actually this experience made me very insecure. oh well, i'll get over it.

realizations yo

realizations yo.

1. i'm a dreamer. it's both scary and promising.
2. i'm not photogenic. for someone so vain, this is disappointing.
3. i'm so insecure. the people around me are getting tired of the 'im not good enough' 'im not pretty enough' lines. i can't help it. (sorry pen)
4. i'm a hopeless romantic. aren't we all? there is romance in denying it too, for those who wouldn't admit.
5. i'm dependent. i lean on to people to help me fix my life.



andaming nangyari kahapon. masaya naman. kahit masuka-suka nako sa lrt. salamat vincent at pen. salamat pen. :)

chever

i'm so busy. i just finished reporting for pantas and i'm not even sure i can attend workshops thanks to rehearsals. the first few weeks of this semester i kept complaining how i've got nothing to do, ang aga ko pa nga natutulog, i don't think i'd be complaining bout it anytime this sem again. although im sure i will be complaining about my lack of sleep and my deteriorating social life. sus, social life. pero siguro naman mageenjoy ako sa rehearsal, i love the other actors. denise got the role of pakikisama, pen, kayamanan, ako si kagandahan. seriously. now i'm not sure if i can act or they just needed someone with a face for the role. bah. joke lang. ang yabang naman nun. pero kasi naman, i'm still bitter about not getting the inggit role. i auditioned for that role, it makes me think i'm not good enough.

oh well.

im going to start another blog, soon. i know, i know, pang apat na active blog ko na yun. and it's not like i write all the time. anyway, the fourth blog will be solely for my creative output, mga plans, ideas and stuff. yon.

dad's leaving tomorrow. he left a couple of times before. who'm i kidding? he left a lot. he doesn't want to anymore, he'll only be there for a month, then he'll come back for the weekend, and leave for a month again, then come back.....well you get the picture. he's old. and tired. sleeping alone in a hotel room is not exactly his idea of fun. and he hates me too, because i couldn't back out of tomorrow's photoshoot. eh kasi naman they moved the date because i thought papa was leaving last week so they moved it to this week, tapos magbabackout lang ako. and c'mon, he was the one who taught me to commit and stick with it.
plus, the photoshoot excites me. well, it's a balance between excitement and fear. for one, i'm not photogenic and i'm not comfortable with posing, because i hate my body and i hate my hair. yown.

i have to sleep now. i have to get up early tomorrow for mass.
goodnight. goodnight.

catching up

my last entry was july13, for someone who used to blog twice or more a day that's a little weird. kahit ako, di ko maintindihan kung bakit natatamad akong magsulat. ngayon pa, kung kelan ako nagaaply sa Pantas. anyway, like i did the last time, highlights nalang.

forget it. tinatamad talaga ako. i have to write a suicide letter, deadline's on tuesday. no, hindi ako suicidal at wala akong balak magpakamatay. it's a requirement for Pantas. eh ewan ko ba, for someone who's morose enough to actually kill herself (joke lang. medyo lang) i can't write a freaking suicide letter. napaka-trying hard ko kasi. haha

ang sarap maging single. pero nahihirapan ako lately, kasi andaming problema sa pag-eeffort kong makapagmove on. o diba? may ganung moda. pwedeng pang suicide note shet.

i have to remember everything i'm supposed to do for the following weeks.
hmmm.

July26: TJ's concert (Verve)
July29: suicide letter deadline
Aug3: Diliman Photoshoot/Papa's departure
Aug4: Denise's Birthday Parrrrty
Aug5-8: PR Campaign for Caballeros (Free Coffee and Exhibit)

highlights

i'm actually not in the mood to write, but since i'm awake so early and i have nothing to do anyway, i figured what the heck. and since i don't have anything crazy or whatever to write about, i'll write about the highlights of my past weeks.


selle and weng back in the apartment.

we had an italian night during the first week of classes. the pizza, the pesto, the roasted chicken, the works. parang first sem lang.
and they were also here last week, kasi nagvideoke kami dahil may dalang magicsing si denise.
tine's missing, but she goes to the apartment a lot, only i think she goes straight up to the boyfriend's apartment.

Joseph and Ehm: Finally together
so she's been going up a lot too, and i often find myself alone in the apartment.
or with mark and denise, playing cards or doing whatever just to stop ourselves form sleeping early.
okay, a bit exaggerated , although some nights were like this though, dagdagan mo pa ng pancit canton.
anyway, i'm happy for both of them. ehm's really happy and she deserves to be.

Burger King Date
we've been going out together or staying in the apartment a lot lately, i know it won't be like this once 'real' studying starts. so i'm enjoying it.
we went to burger king, the second week of the school year, i think. we didn't stay long though, we all had lots to do at the apartment. i had fun.
eto yung mga klase ng araw/gabi na i don't care if i eat a lot, if i gained a couple of pounds in just one sitting, basta masaya.

Diliman and Trinoma with Pen
ok. this did not happen in elbi, but anyway, ehm, pen and i went to diliman to buy the book for eng1.
tas nagtrinoma kami. ehm and i are so happy cause we already know how to get to trinoma, to boni, to diliman, from binan. feeling naman namin we can get anywhere just because of this.
also pen's been staying at the apartment for the past two weeks. i'm glad she became friends with chase, mark and tj.
she goes on a self-declared holiday and we have classes til 7, we go home and find our apartment squeaky clean.
next week, we're going to teach her how to cook, para pag uwi namin
may pagkain na rin. hahaha. joke lang.

i got a haircut...again.
i know. it's crazy. i miss my long hair, sobra. and i know i've been ranting about just how much pero i had it cut.
shorter than ever, i have no idea what's gotten over me. it's ugly.
when i had long hair, or even the last short one, almost every other day was bad hair day, but still there are days that they actually look decent, beautiful, even. eh ngayon, everyday bad hair day, seryosos. it's that bad. i won't even post a picture.

no dull moment
that should be posted right outside, in the middle of 102 and 103's door.
lately lots of things have been going on the apartment. meetings. videoke nights. card nights. inuman session. chismisan. i wonder when vane and gel would start suggesting their usual - poker and bingo. i crave quiet nights too, and we actually had one last week. pen, denise and i just watched clueless in marks room. and after that when most of the apartment people has arrived, tumambay lang kami sa tapat ng apartment, para magchismisan at kung mag anu pa.

oh yan. yan lang naman talaga ang nangyayari sa elbi, nothing about acads. joke lang. well actually, i've tons to do for acads. i've to memorize my lines for the scene study chever for thea108. i've to do a paper about agyu and a tanaga for fil 21. i also have to be done with the brochure, and study for coma105. maybe i could fit in a movie night next week. or atleast a dinner at bonitos. or not.

...

wala ko masulat kahit pa last week's eventful compared to the other weeks. nakakatamad lang. pero anyway, the other night i kept trying to write, may ilang oras na yata kong nakatapat sa laptop ko, alternating coldplay with vanessa carlton for inspiration, nakasama pa yata na that morning i was reading pablo neruda poems eh. ako naman talaga may kasalanan eh, hindi kasi ako makahindi kay nikko. now i only have 4 days left and i still don't have anything.

help me Lord. nakakabaliw ang pressure.