nickelodeon

as expected, i'm bored to death. my head doesn't hurt as much, but now my tummy hurts. i don't know what's with me and waking up early on weekends. everyone's still asleep, ofcourse. and so i grabbed some blue skies and oreo for breakfast.

i've nothing to do, so i decided to read about 12 episode synopsis for life with derek aka highlight of my summer weekdays. make me a supermodel. the soup. pbb. unfabulous. life with derek. and whatever crappy movie on hbo or starmovies in between. these are my everyday pals. well, make me a supermodel isn't everyday and so is the soup. but it's okay, cause i live for unfabulous and life with derek. great. i feel like i'm transforming more into a kid every minute. from desperate housewives to one tree hill to unfabulous (sfx on: tires screeching) but i love it. i love malese jow, she's really pretty.
unfabulous is really just about highschool life, although i am not sure if they are already in highschool.

Take two 15-year-olds, Casey and Derek, who have absolutely nothing in common other than being accustomed to getting their own way. Then force these two "eldest children" to live together in a blended family. What do your get? Disney/Family channel's latest hit Life With Derek. When Casey's mom and Derek's dad tie the knot, Casey and Derek become step-siblings. But two eldest children in one family does not go over well.
Derek and Casey have completely opposite personalities, interests and hobbies making it seem almost impossible for the two teens to get along.
Starring Michael Seater as Derek Venturi and Ashley Leggat as Casey MacDonald, Life With Derek hilariously depicts the teens' ongoing battle for control of their household and high school. I was lucky enough to visit the set of Life With Derek and interview Michael and Ashley.
In the show, it is quite obvious the two can't stand each other. Casey is a control-freak, overly organized and very serious with her schoolwork. Derek is a rebel and a lot more relaxed than Casey. His confidence and funny personality allows him to get what he wants. (http://www.news4kids.ca/issues/september06/sept06_topStories_lifeWDerek.asp)

in the end of every episode he always does something sweet for casey. or casey does something for him. i've got this sick hope that they'll end up together. hahaha! oh and marti, is the cutest thing. cutest kid, i mean. she's one of the reasons why i watch this show. she's so cute.

unfabulous is 10:30 pm, and life with derek 11pm monday thru saturday at nickelodeon. try watching. its fun.

okaaaaaaay. bored again.

early morning rant

what i'm doing up so early? i have no idea.
i tried to sleep, but every five second i think of something to scare my eyes open. the last thing i thought of was magdang ahas from ouija. haha.
so i'm awake. with my head pounding in pain, as it was last night before i went to bed. i always thought you could sleep the pain away, for physical pains i mean, now the heart, the heart is another story. hahaha! ugh. i sound delusional. i can't find any biogesic to stop the pain. i am a pain killer kinda person. i take ponstan 500 for woman pains (mens, amph. i have no idea how to spell dysmenorea so i'll spell it as it sounds) how in the world will i pass eng 5? or is it eng7? urgh.

whatevah!

i rarely deal with numbers, i actually avoid having to compute anything, but today is one of the rare moments that i actually did compute something. my effing grades. according to the calculator, i have to get 1.4 in the next 4 semesters to be a laude. cue in evil laugh, you know, the bwahahaha-this-is-a-piece-of-cake kinda laugh. yeah, right. i've got a 1.9 on the verge of being a 1.8 overall standing, but because i screw up last sem, i don't think i'll be a laude. what was i thinking anyway, if i wanted something like that i should've, well, for a start, studied a little bit. mama says i shouldn't think about it, because it's summer, i'm supposed to be having fun. see?? this is the problem, i don't feel any pressure. no pressure at all.

hoho. anyway, i super love eating. hmmm, i just had the best merienda in bed. take a look:

butter toasted tasty and hotdogs!! yey!
and on the right, my favorite, hashbrown with melted cheeze whiz. yum!

doodles over writing

i can stand the heat, it's the humidity that's killing me. when i was in canada, it also got pretty hot but you don't walk around feeling sticky like you just took a lotion bath. i don't know if it's why i can't do anything this summer. maybe it's just an excuse, the weather is the same for the past 17 summers of my life. i'm just too darn lazy to do anything productive. i hate it.

i have been picking up one from my supposedly 'summer books', and i also have been able to read half of it, or 1/4, i don't know. it's just, after that, i put it down. PUT IT DOWN!! what's that? i've never done that, i'm the type who can't, and won't put down a book once i've started reading it. papa said i must be reading dull books, i don't think so, something's wrong with me, that's what i think. i may be suffering from a sudden, dire need for illiteracy! ain't that quite scary? anyway, papa said i was not entirely unproductive, after all, i've spent half my days sleeping, and the other half googling sketches and trying to learn from them. i have improved much he said.

it's scary, i kinda like drawing more than writing now. again, WHAT IS THAT? i'm the girl who's got it all figured out. well, not really, but when i was young and all the girls my age wanted to be a teacher or a doctor, i wanted to be a writer. ofcourse, i did wish i could carry a tune and awe the audience in a good way at the same time, or dance like teacher chippy from satin slippers. but for as long as i could remember i never wanted to do anything else, but to write. when i was mature enough to realize that kids my age can write better than me, i still continued writing. by the time i failed enough to realize that i can't even write better than half my class who doesn't even know nick joaquin, i still continued writing. because i love it. but now i haven't written a single thing. and i am supposed to be, atleast starting a short story for my thesis. i have been doodling my days away, and the product are not exactly exhibit-worthy. i have been filling my jordi labanda notebook with silly sketches. and my dad fueled the fire by giving me all his art materials, which are, by the way, a lot. he even gave me the coolest professional-looking sketchpad-how can i say no to that??

i am, ugh, f-o-r-c-i-n-g myself to read. i am currently in page27 of Bridget Jones the edge of reason. in beautiful, beautiful hardbound. how can i not love it? why would i rather doodle? that is the question.

well, this is long. could this count as writing?

movies

will Chapter 27 hit Philippine cinemas?? cause i wanna watch it so bad. i watched the trailer last night with my brother, and well, the first thing that caught my eyes was that Jared Leto was huge. aside from that i love the beatles, and i have to watch it. and i hated Catcher in the Rye, i found it dull, but anyway that was 4, or 5 years ago, so maybe i'll find it exciting after watching this.

Kuya Paolo and i watched Juno last night. i found it funny. well, Shadowcat's character is funny. endearing, in a gawky kinda way. i love it. and i also love Jennifer Garner. so, i love it.

...

whenever i tell myself that i haven't lived my life to the fullest, in such a way that i not only lived as if i am going to die tomorrow, but also have given much to the world, i tell myself i'm still young, and that i have atleast a few if not 60 more years to live. but i am alreay 18, and still, my life has no meaning. when i look back at what i wrote over the past 18 years, when i look back at how i lived my life, how unsatisfied i was despite the blessings i've received, how shallow i was, i feel ashamed of myself.

i'm not going through some quarter life crisis, i just felt sad. we came from the grocery awhile ago and decided to have dinner at this grill in san antonio. this little kid sat beside papa, he just sat there, he wasn't even selling the plastic of peanuts he was holding in his hand. papa asked him how his day was, if he already ate and how many he sold, and he just sat there. raised his three fingers to answer papa's last question. it's not like its the first time i saw a kid like him, i've seen and talked to a lot of them in LB, its just none of them looked as sad as he did. this little boy's face broke my heart. and i looked back at all the chances i had when i could've done something. i could've just spent my debut money on GK, or like mom suggested, asked my guests to donate the gifts to GK, i could've, and it did cross my mind, except i chose to be selfish.

i don't know where this blog is going to, really. i know that tomorrow, my head will be filled with nonsensical crap again. a lot of incidents such as this one touched me, but none of them stayed enough to change me. it's kinda sad, really. i just, i don't know. i really don't.

i'm on a shake control

i got a new layout! how cool is that?

i also got a new phone. no, no, scratch that. my old phone, retired. better?
i had to say goodbye to buying an ipod too. it was a choice between w910i and S500i+ipod. and, well, w910i won. one, because it has shake control, which is cool. two, because it has auto rotate, like kuya's mac, which is also cool. third, because it can store the same number of songs as with the 4GB ipod nano. three, because it's red. four, because it comes with the marble madness game, and i love that game.
okaaaaaay. lame reasons. but anyway, i bought it. and i still have some doubts, but i bought it already and so, i don't have anymore room for regrets. damn it. i have been planning to buy that ipod for a few months now. but seeing as i would look like a total idiot with a sony walkman and an ipod, i had to choose. well, actually, the 'rents had to choose for me or i would've made a stupid decision. anyway, i am happy. sorta.

i watched hairspray last night. it was cute. very, actually. and, uh, as much as i hate to admit it, zac efron was kinda cute there too.

i have been waiting for the slippers i bought on ebay. it is supposed to get here today. i wonder where it is.

blankets over jay chou

i will always, always be a jordi labanda girl. but still, i can't help but have my artist of the month raves. this month, i am addicted to craig thompson. because not only does he look, in some angles, like adam levine, but he does some amazing drawings. plus plus some good stories too. i just finished one of the 9 chapters of his graphic novel, Blanket. i do read mangas, but this is different. it's more profound, in a way that i will never be able to describe when asked to. he's really wonderful. the art is wonderful and to prove this, this is my favorite part from Blankets:



i am addicted to art. not necessarily painting, actually when i'm asked if i want to learn how to paint, the answer is simple and consistent, i don't. i really just want to learn how to draw, and to draw like thompson and peyton. yes, peyton. the one who most probably can do the same kind of art if not better, is kuya ouel. he's laguna's top five best artist and La Consolacion's hall of famer for winning every art contests he joins. but he's now, uhm, let me see, an unpracticing illustrator. ofcourse it's okay, after all God remembers, and if he goes to heaven God will definitely remember that he did not draw on earth from ages 24 onwards because he became a father and God's mission worker. seriously.



my brother Paolo, on the other hand, can sit all day infront of his photoshop and come up with the best print advertisements in the country (oh yes, i love bragging about family) but make him draw and his credibilities will soon crumble. don't get me wrong, he is a good painter, he after all graduated fine arts, best in thesis, in UST. but he just draws the most distorted faces, unintentionally.

seriously, my family draws the worst faces. except kuya ouel. papa's an amazing artist. but he doesn't draw recognizable faces either. he calls this, his view from his window (in malaysia):



and kuya rammil, oh yes, he draws! on his table, on scraps of paper, on wherever. he once drew Jesus on the back of my sketchbook, as a carpenter, with enormous biceps. whaaaat is thaaat? hahaha! check this out:



my mom, does albums. again, seriously. my mom is addicted to photographs, when we went to canada, during the pre-digicam era, we came home to the philippines with 15 rolls of films. my mom is not as vain as i am, but she does have picture of her feigning drying her hair in every hotel room we've been to. and we've been to A LOT of hotel rooms.

but anyway, as they are all amazing in their own genres, in whatever medium, i trace. I TRACE. i traaace. i love tracing. but i would also love to draw on my own. i draw, mediocre stuff. such as this one:



okaaaaay. i copied it. i did it on my own. but i copied it. grr..

i was supposed to write about Jay Chou's Secret. but never mind. maybe later.
i'm going to leave for a while. ima buy myself a sketchpad, my second this year, and fill it with mediocre stuff. atleast it's my own style, distinctly mediocre.
WHATEVER.

what i learn from chuvaness

papa kept shaking his head when i was at my nth "aww... dith ith tho cute" pacute line. but really these flash drives are super cute. i mean, look at them, they're adorable. and i just have to get my hands on one. papa promised to buy me one IF EVER he sees one in Malaysia, because he is leaving again, not soon i hope. anyway, some of the designs are so tokidoki, and i love tokidoki, cried over my lost tokidoki umbrella, seriously i just have got to get one. and these are my personal favorites:



look,han solo and princess lea too! :) cute no? amf.

anyway, papa told me to read brian gorrell's blog. and i was like, brian who? i am the one who's online everytime, and yet my dad always has the latest chikka. hahaha! anyway, it's pretty sad, if it's all true, i mean. i kinda envied their lives, especially celine lopez', but if it's true, then she's, it's kinda pathetic. it really did make me sad.
it's a long story, but if you wanna know all about it, just check it out yourself.

myyyy danicaaaa

i talked to danica on the phone, she was singing "sleep my darling baby" and shouting "tita" or "tisa" and all i did was cry and say danica... god, i miss her. like crazy. i super super miss her.

i was supposed to write about denise, she was here in binan since last night. but maybe later. i'm not in the mood to write.

missing my naughty angels

i miss nathan and danica.
like crazy. i've been singing nathan's make up song for two days straight. and i've been wearing danica's diaper (on my head, duh!) for two days straight as well. i know how hard it is for kuya to not see his family for seven years and then leave just like that after a month. i'm beginning to feel as if i regret having joined desaparecidos, only because i didn't get to spend enough time with my brother and his family, because i was busy with rehearsals. but then again, no time will ever be enough anyway. the last time kuya ouel left, which was, again, 7 long years ago, he did not embrace me. i was crying, bawling like i lost one from my pair of legs, and he did not embrace me. when he left a hazy two days ago, he did not embrace me either. with our kind of relationship, it makes you wonder why he didn't. he'll cry just as much as i did if he gave me a hug, knowing it will be the last for yet another, what, 7 years?





it's kinda lonely going back to a clean, silent house. i miss the chaos, my toys scattered all over the floor, the sound of nathan's incessant impersonations of his hero-nacho libre, my brother's kakulitan, watching finding nemo for the nth time, but most of all danica's tantrums. i know that from now on, long gone will be the days when car trips meant mimicking the sound of dogs and cats just to silence danica's cries. two nights before they left, i slept beside danica, she was extra nice to me the whole day that day. she kept touching my face, kept brushing my bangs, kissing me and calling me ninang. one time when mama was holding me, she took me and said "my tisa" i wondered then how i could possibly let her go when the time comes that i have to.. i love both of them so much. i kept asking papa to send me to canada this summer, but ofcourse, it's all just wishful thinking.

anyway, i talked to nathan this morning. he was watching lastikman. hahaha! kuya rammil bought him a lastkiman toy and he kept asking about it. so yun, nakapanood na rin sya.

so yun. yun lang, i guess. kuya ouel said that they'll try to come home for my graduation IF i graduate on time. hmmm??

wu-lah lang...

before anything else, happy birthday to ern!

i just finished watching she's all that. i hate to admit, but i got pretty kiliged over the movie. denise thinks it's lame, sorry naman i really have something for teenage movies, and, uh, i also have a thing for freddie prinze jr., uh, and rachel leigh cook, i think she's very beautiful, it kinda makes up for her lack in the height department. and i know she's all that is 90s pa, eh sa ngayon ko lang napanuod eh. amazing ang mga extra, si milo, sarah michelle gellar, usher.

napa-youtube ako. because seeing sarah michelle gellar reminded me of simply irresistible, it was one of her old movies. i love that movie, atleat that's what i remember, it was a long time ago, i watched it back when i was a little younger. but since chase' laftof is slooooow, i didn't get to watch even the first part. speaking of youtube, i have been watching happy slip, but again, because chase' laftof is sloooow, di ko rin natatapos. haha.

life update: (and yes, i have a life!) i got a haircut. i only usually get a haircut when i badly need one or im depressed. today, i don't know. i simply needed a change. and it's short too, which is really new to me. usually it scares me to go through a BIG change such as this one. but i feel really good about it. ofcourse, seeing my long long hair get cut was pretty hard... but anyway. yown lang.




ciao!

Conversations with Nathan

ON MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS

me: nathan, what musical instrument do you want to learn how to play?
nathan: the pinano and the dibar
me: dibar?
nathan: DIBAR! (duh?)
me: what's a dibar? what does it look like?
nathan: (impatiently) don't you listen to rock and roll?
....
....
me: ah. oh. guitar!


NATHAN'S GOING TO BE A POET, JUST LIKE TITA, HAHA

nathan: i will not go, i will not go
but if i do, but if i do...
kuya paolo: is that a real song?
nathan: no, im just making it up
(sings again)
me: (umepal lang) i'll come back on a sunny day
nathan: no! no! it has to rhyme.
like, have you seen a goat riding on a boat?
or there is a boy, playing with a toy...
hmmm... what else?
me: look at kate, she's my cousin playmate??
nathan: eating cake?

Poetry101:Rhyming


nathan, with my other niece, kate

KUNGFU

nathan: where are we going?
kuya paolo: batulao
nathan: what's batulao?
kuya paolo: a secret place for monks
nathan: what's "monks"?
kuya paolo: kungfu masters
nathan: really?
me: your dad will train with the kungfu masters
nathan: oh but i want to train too
kuya paolo: yes nathan, someday you will train with them too
nathan: how, why??
kuya paolo: you, are the chosen one.
nathan: (laughs) whatever uncle paolo.

desaparecidos. officially over.

so long DESAPARECIDOS, you are forever engraved in a fraction of my heart.
the lives that are changed by your story will never be the same.
and the families of the lost souls to which you are dedicated will no longer be only of desolation, but also of hoping.

lost and not yet found, light a candle, help little children reunite with their fathers, wives with their husbands, husbands with their wives, mothers with their children. light a candle, and help a desaparecidos find their way home.





maraming salamat sa mga nanuod. sumuporta. sabi ko nga, hindi mahalaga kung ilang mga buhay mula sa 900 na nanuod ng desaparecidos ang nabago, ang namulat ang naging mas makabuluhan. ang mahalaga, kaming mga nagsipaglabas ay patuloy na magsindi ng kandila sa pagasang isang araw ay samasama nating ipaglalaban ang katarungan para sa mga nawawala. tagalog ano? galing eh. basta salamat din sa mga kapwa nagsipag-ganap. hindi buo ang karanasan ng wala kayo. hindi na sanay ang sistema ng katawan kong hindi tumuloy sa NCAS o sa CDL na may dalang pole kasing bigat ko at itim na belo. hahanap-hanapin ng katawan at ng puso ko ang gabi-gabi nating pagkikita at pagsasama sa hirap at saya ng rehearsal at workshop. salamat. maaring pinabigat ng produksyong ito ang puso ko, masakit kahit sa panandalian ang pakiramdam ng mawalan. kaya kayo, wag mawawala. ayos?? mahal na mahal ko ang desa at ang lahat ng tao sa loob nito. salamat sa ANTS (Alipin ng Teatro at Sining) mga masokista tayo! sige lang ang laban. prod lang ng prod, kahit magbagsakan ang grades. JOOOOOOOOKEEEEE LAAAAAAAANG!

pictures to follow.

debut still moments

some pictures from the debut.
it's zee family. my parents in the middle. my brother ouel, at my right, kuya rammil at my left and kuya paolo next to him.


it's zee gown. i usually don't agree on wearing white on any occasion but your own wedding, BUT, i figured, i may never get married, so i'd just pretend this is my wedding. seriously. hahaha


my debut's theme is masquerade. well, supposedly. but most of the masks just rested on the tables like some decorations. not that i mind really, i didn't even wear my own mask. these are some of my college friends making use of the mask decorations.


a rare moment between me and my parents. my parents and i. myself, and my parents?? whatever.


with my beloved housemates. (ang ganda ni weng dito)


thank you speech.

more pictures on multiply :)