missing my naughty angels

i miss nathan and danica.
like crazy. i've been singing nathan's make up song for two days straight. and i've been wearing danica's diaper (on my head, duh!) for two days straight as well. i know how hard it is for kuya to not see his family for seven years and then leave just like that after a month. i'm beginning to feel as if i regret having joined desaparecidos, only because i didn't get to spend enough time with my brother and his family, because i was busy with rehearsals. but then again, no time will ever be enough anyway. the last time kuya ouel left, which was, again, 7 long years ago, he did not embrace me. i was crying, bawling like i lost one from my pair of legs, and he did not embrace me. when he left a hazy two days ago, he did not embrace me either. with our kind of relationship, it makes you wonder why he didn't. he'll cry just as much as i did if he gave me a hug, knowing it will be the last for yet another, what, 7 years?





it's kinda lonely going back to a clean, silent house. i miss the chaos, my toys scattered all over the floor, the sound of nathan's incessant impersonations of his hero-nacho libre, my brother's kakulitan, watching finding nemo for the nth time, but most of all danica's tantrums. i know that from now on, long gone will be the days when car trips meant mimicking the sound of dogs and cats just to silence danica's cries. two nights before they left, i slept beside danica, she was extra nice to me the whole day that day. she kept touching my face, kept brushing my bangs, kissing me and calling me ninang. one time when mama was holding me, she took me and said "my tisa" i wondered then how i could possibly let her go when the time comes that i have to.. i love both of them so much. i kept asking papa to send me to canada this summer, but ofcourse, it's all just wishful thinking.

anyway, i talked to nathan this morning. he was watching lastikman. hahaha! kuya rammil bought him a lastkiman toy and he kept asking about it. so yun, nakapanood na rin sya.

so yun. yun lang, i guess. kuya ouel said that they'll try to come home for my graduation IF i graduate on time. hmmm??

Conversations with Nathan

ON MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS

me: nathan, what musical instrument do you want to learn how to play?
nathan: the pinano and the dibar
me: dibar?
nathan: DIBAR! (duh?)
me: what's a dibar? what does it look like?
nathan: (impatiently) don't you listen to rock and roll?
....
....
me: ah. oh. guitar!


NATHAN'S GOING TO BE A POET, JUST LIKE TITA, HAHA

nathan: i will not go, i will not go
but if i do, but if i do...
kuya paolo: is that a real song?
nathan: no, im just making it up
(sings again)
me: (umepal lang) i'll come back on a sunny day
nathan: no! no! it has to rhyme.
like, have you seen a goat riding on a boat?
or there is a boy, playing with a toy...
hmmm... what else?
me: look at kate, she's my cousin playmate??
nathan: eating cake?

Poetry101:Rhyming


nathan, with my other niece, kate

KUNGFU

nathan: where are we going?
kuya paolo: batulao
nathan: what's batulao?
kuya paolo: a secret place for monks
nathan: what's "monks"?
kuya paolo: kungfu masters
nathan: really?
me: your dad will train with the kungfu masters
nathan: oh but i want to train too
kuya paolo: yes nathan, someday you will train with them too
nathan: how, why??
kuya paolo: you, are the chosen one.
nathan: (laughs) whatever uncle paolo.

balikbayans and twister fries

this is me. or maybe it's more appropriate to say that this is what i have become. i don't hate it, doesn't mean i don't like it either. i'm more focused on being happy now, i don't get it, really, when they say that happiness is a choice. i just don't quite understand, do you wake up in the morning and tell yourself that you're going to be happy, and everything goes your way? things just don't work out like that. it's not always all in the mind. sometimes, it's in the heart too and that's what makes it more complicated.

anyway, it's twister fries season. fun and fat in the same sentence, now that just aint right!

cousins went home from the states last week. get to hang out with little nieces, Jaymie and Nicole. Cousin Marissa got married last saturday at St. James in Ayala Alabang, reception was at Vivere. guess how much weight i gained. (i loathe being just like everybody else, conscious about how fat im getting.) went swimming at pansol today.

i'm seriously dying to meet my nephew, Nathan and niece, Danica. ofcourse March will be a special month for me, because i will turn 18. but Nathan being home, my brother being home, it's just, sooo perfect. i miss them all so much.

ces is home from ohio too. and we had a reunion last week. we had one too last night but i was at the wedding. family comes first. anyway, got nothing else to say. now that's first.