sleepless friday

lately i've been having no time for friends, because the production is so time consuming. Bop hates me for cancelling another lunch date. and i super hate myself too. but what i've committed to requires my presence and full attention. i mean, i myself gets so tired sometimes, but it is really satisfying. as ma'am JC said, theater is addicting!

it's 3 am and i still can't grasp the concept of 'sleep'. i mean the only reason i force myself to surrender into my pillows is because i have to. i no longer need coffee, unless of course i'm studying sosc1 (spell BORING) haha!

it doesn't help that bum is insomniac, it means i have an instant companion for midnights like this. or that chris aka morris in Pagbulas ng Sibol can't sleep either. or that i simply can't lose myself in a deep slumber. it was a long day but i don't seem tired at all. i came to the point wherein i feel as if sleeping means getting robbed of time supposedly for something productive.

oh well, ima work on my nasc4 take home exam. or not.

exhaustion and jealousy

My body has been cursing me, it has this intense desire to cling to the bed and lie so peaceful beneath the covers. And yet, this body though overwhelmed with exhaustion, has been awake all day, and alert all night. I no longer feel the need for coffee, feels as if I have a supply of caffeine inside me, but I need some rest, and yet I ain’t getting any.

Anyway, I think I may have failed my first math exam. I could’ve tried harder, but I didn’t. I didn’t feel so bad because I didn’t even study that much, yes, I was awake even at the wee hours of the night, but all I did was eat and talk and eat. Nothing so productive. Only, well, sinful in a way that it makes me bloat like a shiny red balloon in a few days. I could make up for it by passing the next exam, but even that is questionable. it’s funny how well I suck in math. And how everyone else is so good at it.

A while ago, Bum confided in me about the “sweet” our friend/her crush’ is so fond of. It’s not an easy thing, jealousy. Tsk tsk. I say get out of the fire, before jealousy burns you like hell.

Goodnight.

caffeine high

another sleepless night. nights like this, i can only depend on coffee. coffee, coffee, coffee. but my body seems to have been immuned of caffeine, it no longer works for me. i can only enjoy it's bitter sweet taste, the heat, the aroma but not the purpose it is supposed to give me. oh caffeine, i seem to have only been living for nights when i'd get to have a reason to make myself a cup, or two, okay, sometimes three.
single life is fun, really. but sometimes it can be inanely pathetic and dull. you'd wake up in the morning and sit at the end of your bed wondering why you still open your eyes when the sun begins to rise when this day would be exactly like yesterday. it's like reliving a painful day over and over again. it sucks. and then you remember "oh, right, i can make coffee tonight" and the rays of early june sun would drop like tiny poka dots in your burnt skin, and everything would seem all right.
you'd get on with your life thinking ''just get through the day, and then you can have your coffee.'' oh joy. life is great.