what i do best. RANT.

so early this morning i was reading Celine Lopez' and Gilda Cordero Fernando's column. yes, from two different newspapers. i couldn't even remember who writes for which just that they were in today's paper. i think.

so it's pretty tiring to read other people's lives. really. especially when they seem so heavenly, and yours is nothing to write about. but i keep reading simply because im hooked. last week i was so down about finding out how much writer's earn. but if you're the majestic Gilda Fernando who writes about 5 columns in the sunday paper (i don't know about the weekdays) you'd earn enough to feed a dozen children. but it's not like writers Jim Paredes, Celine Lopez, Tessa Prieto and Gilda Fernando need that extra thousands.

so as i was saying, i was reading Celine Lopez' column about internet. it was more like a blog entry about her love-hate relationship with the internet. she gets paid for it, i wonder when i will get paid for writing in my blog. oh. i guess when i become just as good, hmm, that makes sense. but what good is there to write about, lately i can't write about anything. i rant, that's what i do best. i sulk and get jealous. BUT REALLY, IM OK.

i'm not making any sense here. so anyway, i was checking out Chuvaness.com (stuff you won't read in the newspaper.) stuff you wish you read in your journal! i was getting all green with envy. again. just because these people live in the same country as i do, but they seem like somebody from the other end of the earth. i'd like to say that 'jessica zafra texted me...." too. i'd like to write about lunches with Dean Alfar and Socorro Villanueva, hahaha! but i'm a 17 year old writer wanna be, i don't write half as good as these people. and i don't even try.

one day i'm going to have a column too. and i'd write about parties and book signings. i'd be given complimentary tickets to plays and whatever. i'd write about countries i've been to over the weekend. but for now, i'm going to sulk and dream about it. haha.

of palanca awards and jealousy

so minutes after posting today's blog entry, i'm writing again. all because i'm all crimson with jealousy. i'm googling palanca awardees, searching for short stories and poetries.

dean alfar's the shit, though i really don't know if he won again this year just that he won the grand prize and other 9 palanca awards from the past years. dammit. i'm just sooo, well, jealous. i'm going to try, one of these days, when i'm good enough. i promise myself that i will try. and if i fail, i won't do a 'tisa' and sulk, i will try again. because i want to write and i want to prove to myself that i can be good at it. i'm going to be like dean alfar, and i'm going to marry my own nikki. ok that doesn't make sense. i want to write!!!