Soul Sister

Farewells are "in" this month

2010-03-31T18:10:00.002+08:00

Will no longer be posting in this blog. For no good reason except I need change. And i have no special attachment to this blog despite that I was loyal to it for four long years, but I can't delete it.

Anyway, here's my new blog: NEW BLOG. Creative, don't you think?

First Sem Over

2009-10-14T22:39:00.006+08:00

My semester is finally over. Contrary to my expectations, it was one of my hardest. I thought a production-free semester would mean I’d also be free from stress and strenuous workshops, but it turned out otherwise. Although hard, it is also a fun-filled semester. I remembered putting a list next to my bed of times Pen skipped class, times Chase got drunk, times I wished I were somewhere else, and genuinely happy times. I forgot all about it, because those are times in countless doses. I am extremely happy to be a semester away from graduation (and real life) but also extremely sad to be leaving behind a lot of people and a lot of good times here in LB Paradise. Here are some of the reasons why this sem is special:

ENG106 – this is my one chance to expose my sentimental, over-emotional writing. It was also, supposedly, a venue to start my thesis. And so I was disappointed at first, to find that sir Caloi has decided we study poetry instead of short story writing. But I’ve grown so much as a writer through this class. And even finished a suite of poems, which by the way sir Caloi says is one of the best in class. This is an ego-boosting, feel-good, i-don’t-care-if-i-take-again class.

Faustina’s – I remember uno nights at Café Antonio, Citrus Crème and Spamwich at Boston, Good ol’ Ham bonnet at Ristretto but nothing beats Faustina’s. Because 1.) Cheap, but good coffee 2.) Expensive, but good ribs 3.) Nice staff (I like nice people and good service) 4.) Clean, homey bathroom 5.) Classy royal purple walls and artsy interior 6.) Princess Gelly. I realized I went there once or twice at least in a week, but that I haven’t gone there without Gelly with me. Our pseudo-intellectual discussions of books and movies take place here. We spend hours, twice for five hours here. Faustina is next to home in LB.

El Scorcho – Our (my, Chase’s and Gelly’s) bestfriend song. Weezer or Dashboard version, whichever. Chase and Gel are my new happy pills. I need them around, even if it means getting teased about being fat incessantly, to keep me sane. I love them both and our efforts to make time for each other.

PANTAS – I know, I’ve been really busy with Gel and my “me time” so much that I’ve failed to do my job right. I also have been so inactive for the past months. But I love Pantas and I enjoy myself whenever we have to get together for a folio launch or an orientation, or whatever. Just not execom meetings, pleeaaase.

Housemates – We now have beds, yes congratulations are in order. The house is messier than ever, but it’s not like we care. The whole place looks like a laundry room and cockroaches have now found a new home in our apartment. Sadako still lives in the bathroom, but is now free to roam the living room as well. And manang still resides under the kitchen sink and is now stealing dvds and pony tails too. But I will not exchange this paradise for Paris. No, not the movie nights, or the countless moments of nonsense laughter, or lunch at Tita’s, or inside jokes. This will forever be home to me.

Now that I think of it. Leaving doesn’t sound so good. Yes, the list of times and reasons why I wish I am somewhere else may outnumber these, but here when I am happy, I really am happy. Most people would spend a lifetime finding where they belong, and I know I say I belong somewhere else, but I think maybe this is it.

2009-09-18T16:50:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I even bother. Talo naman ako parati. I shouldn't feel like you're a competition but I can't help it, you're taking away the little things I want, when you already have everything. Naaasar ako, hindi sayo, sa sarili ko. Kasi I've told myself so many times that I won't get affected, but I always do. Because even if no one asks, even if no one cares, I'm fragile too. And right now, I feel broken.

2009-09-10T22:04:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I want to ask you if you feel neglected, because I do. When I ask you if you're listening and you tell me "no" you never bother to ask what it was I was talking about. And yet I listen to you still, I have no right to throw it at you because I do not listen out of responsibility but out of love. It's just sometimes I wish you'd listen to me too.

Everyday you tell me about him and all your theories and thoughts about him but not once did you ask me how I'm feeling. Yes, I roll my eyes and play dead but don't I always say I will never tire of your problems even if you've told it to me a million times in the span of a month. You're so sensitive of other people's feelings and yet so insensitive of mine. I guess it's hard to gauge how I feel, seeing that I'm so moody lately. But of all people you should understand, I am so demanding of your attention the same way you are of Chase's. It's because you're all I have. At the end of a very bad day, you're the first person I text, the first person I expect to comfort me and you never failed me with that. Twice have I felt harassed by professors, and on both instances, you were there to pick up the pieces. I hate myself for asking too much, for being so selfish. But I have my reasons, yours is the only attention I demand of, and it's not as simple as because Chase has disappointed me much in the past but because, again, you're all I have. And it's not a matter of having no choice but because being that I have no boyfriend, you are the most special person in my life.

In the end, guilt will haunt me to sleep. You are a good friend after all. And I forgive, because don't I always? But you know memory is the most prominent of all concepts in my life and so because I live by remembering, I never forget. So tomorrow, or later I will be okay, we will be okay. But the next time this happens, I will tread our way home in silence, again. And feel just as bad as I do now.

Slowly eating me.

2009-09-02T17:22:00.002+08:00

It just hit me. I have to start reading again.
The last one was Memories of my Melancholy Whores which I finished last summer. Embarrassing for a bookwhore. A series of novels I started reading but never finished, after. Atonement. Timetraveller's Wife. 100 Years of Solitude. What is happening to me?
My list keeps getting longer. And I'm stuck with laziness and my desire to maximize my time left with my housemates. I hafta start reading again.

Because my article is finally done.

2009-08-27T01:42:00.003+08:00

I realize that all day long I listen to your stories, to your endless theories, even to your worries if your chickens have food in country story. And then I talk about worrying about my article and halfway I stop and ask if you’re listening and realize you’re not. I realize whenever I tell you something I have to always check whether you're listening, because most of the time you're not. Sometimes you tell me you feel unappreciated, and I try hard not to be so self-absorbed like all Leos and never tell you, but I do too. At least the men you love at some point loved you back. I never had the same fate. I mean I only really loved two, just a quarter compared to you. With Chase, although i have nothing bad to say about him except having hurt me so much in the past, I am without good words to say about it too. Not once have I felt needed, or my presence appreciated. The same goes with Mark, who will continue to live despite my existence, or inexistence. I also realize I shouldn't complain, after all thanks to you I sometimes feel fine with the fact that I am alone. Because I feel we're in it together. I don't feel the need for a boyfriend whenever you surprise me with mashed potatoes and BLT whenever I'm lonely, or with hokaido dome (our favorite) whenever you promise you'd come to LB early and didn't, or when we sing El Scorcho out loud. It's just today I feel you don't listen to me enough. And I know I have a tendency to talk way too much, but still. I mean I already feel I don't have enough friends who care enough. I shouldn't feel this way about you. You are my best friend, after all.

2009-08-11T13:21:00.002+08:00

just when I thought there's nothing more to give.
i chose you and discovered the million things I haven't given him yet.

you are mine, forever to keep

2009-08-10T11:34:00.003+08:00

some people measure their pains by the seasons that passed.
i measure mine by the years.

some people forget when they stop talking about it.
some people forget when they talk about it a lot.
i don't forget. simple as that.

some people recover as fast as they had fallen.
i keep on falling.

some people bounce back as if nothing happened.
i never hit the ground.

some people move on to another when the time requires change.
i never move on.

some people stop when they tell themselves to.
i cheat myself by dreaming.

some people capture your heart.
i will never so much take hold of your hand.

some people pass by and you would never chase them back.
i will run, come morning i will be by your side again.

some people, they never mattered to you.
i am different, i am your friend.

some people they will never understand. they never try.
you always did.

some people, they never measured to my expectations.
you also never did. so i pulled them back so you would.

some people, they try to penetrate my world.
i have built mine around you.

some people will get tired of my complicated life.
i pray you never do.

some people love me.
but i love you.

Rangers

2009-08-10T10:35:00.002+08:00

I think I know.

I have one too many reasons to stop being black and white but I can't help it. It's just the way I am. I know they find it funny, an anecdote while drinking even, how I've only had two suitors and I didn't even say yes to one of them. I'm not easy. I'm not saying they are, It's just I need time. I take too much time actually.

I'm too complicated, I don't even understand myself. I wish I'm more complicated though. I don't know what I want. I want to be found. To have something big. to be a Nana and have Ren. or be Nana and have Nana. i don't know!!!!

Maybe I don't want to be found, maybe not as much as finding thrills me.

2009-08-04T09:32:00.002+08:00

if this is a choice like gel says it is, then i choose to wake up tomorrow devoid of any hurt or feelings for you. i choose to be happy.

and tomorrow, I will be.

2009-08-03T09:50:00.001+08:00

logged out of blogger and decided to download mangas from vnmanga when i found out the site's already closed. WTF

Zero = Love

2009-08-03T09:34:00.003+08:00

Watching : Vampire Knight (anime)

the problem with me is I read too much. so there, I already know the ending and I've lost the desire to watch more since i will not get the ending I want. and since I know everything that will happen. Zero over Kaname in whatever dimension. Zero and Yuuki forever. okay, sorry, I sound like a fan just now.

reminds me that I miss: Nana, Goong and Paradise Kiss

read all three mangas. am not a big anime fan. so I choose what i watch depending on the drawing. and I'm a big Ai Yazawa fan, so there. my ged, Nana. The most painful anime there is. read the manga and cried like a baby in front of the computer. Nana is too much for me. Not in a bad way though, it's just, so real to me. the pain is so incredibly real. Watched only up to the 9th episode because it's a long series, I don't even think it's done now. Paradise Kiss is a short one, so I read the manga and watched the anime which lasted for only 4 hours I think. Goong is the manga version of Princess Hours. mas nakakakilig than the live version. believe me.

so there. I'll end this before I rant about mangas.

On s’en va sans savoir

2009-08-01T11:04:00.006+08:00

been listening to La Meme Histoire all night. well actually all morning too, since 11 last night til what, 6 am? hahaha! i don't know what to feel listening to it. I guess it brings back the feeling I had when i watched one of the short films from Paris, Je T'aime. The one about a man who was waiting for his wife at a restaurant. all the while, thinking about things he hates about her. how she wears her favorite red jacket all the time, and promises she'd throw it away but never does. how she sings only one song over and over again while she cooks. how he always seem to order the better food when they're eating out because she always seem to like his better than what she ordered. and so now in the restaurant, he's waiting for her so he could tell her he's leaving her for a younger, sexier woman. so she arrives, in her favorite red jacket, and sits opposite him. they stare at each other for a while, she was smiling. and then all of a sudden, she starts to cry. and the man was thinking, could she have found out about the younger, sexier woman? and then out of her bag she pulls out this white paper, and he reads it and finds out she's sick and has only a little while to live. he embraced her, and decided not to leave her. he started doing things for her, taking long walks with her, reading a book to her. He listens to her sing while she cooks, and would hug her from behind resting his chin on her shoulder. he said by acting like a man inlove, he fell inlove again. but the wife died, and since then everytime he sees anyone in a red jacket he feels an intense loneliness.

i don't know how long that film was, a little more than 5 minutes I guess, but it made me so incredibly sad. made me cry, actually. even if I was watching it with Franco and Karize. there were no dialogues, just the man narrating everything. talking of how he feels, of what is happening, so most of the time there's just silence. my ged, parisians are so irritatingly romantic. i don't get kilig over old people, and this one is about a couple in their late 40s or early 50s maybe but it was so beautifully done. I can't wait for Karize to get back in LB so I can get my copy. I want to watch it before the New York, I Love You movie comes out (this August, I think).

so anyway, Feist is tired of singing La Meme Histoire in my itunes, but I'm still not over with the song. I feel both light and sad listening to it. It's not always that I feel this certain, I don't know, peace.

on trying and gaining back my bestfriend

2009-07-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

Sir Piocos read my concept paper and poem in class today. He said my entry about how I came up with the concept was much better and more sincere than my poem. That it was actually more poetic. It was actually more of a dear diary thing and I was afraid he’d say how teeny-bopper it was, haha! But he liked it at least, said it was mature and well, poetic. He’s not a fan of the poem though. Ugh.

So anyway, I think it’s about time I make time for writing. Something well though of but not trying too hard. Shit before this semester ends I have to atleast be chosen once for the best poem, im so tired of waiting for MY time. I have to make it happen. Demmit.

Which brings me to Monday night talk with Chase Isip. Funny how we can talk now like we used to when we were still bestfriends-bestfriends. And I had the longest discussion with him about me trying to actually get this guy, and when I couldn’t stress the point why it’s so important for me to try, I just had to tell him. So I did. Mark and I debated on this almost everyday for what, two weeks now. Because I see no point in telling him what’s already passed, Mark says I should just for the heck of it. And now Chase and I are sharing one too many laughs about it. And when I look back, I realize it is funny. Brought us closer I guess. And now he understands, how when it was during his time I never once tried to make him love me, that whenever girls would come to his life I would shut up and simply wait for MY time. and now I just felt the need to find out whether things would be different for me if I try. I know how hopeless and pointless fighting a losing battle is. But after 3 years I realized I’m never really the kind to get tired of hoping. But when Chase looked at me so seriously and said “maawa ka naman sa sarili mo” I felt ridiculously pathetic. He said I should stop trying to change just because I don’t feel enough. He asked me if I don’t feel that I am at least worth someone who’d love me because I’m simple and a million party nights away from being aggressive. I’m crazy sad because of how things are going for me, but on one side I feel extremely happy because I have chase to lean on to. Even if he feels he’s not helping, he’s the biggest help I have right now.

I guess this is a long enough entry to compensate for my absence these past few days. So, til tomorrow. I wait and no one will come. Fucket I’m kidding.

recycling poetry

2009-07-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

would you believe, my second to the last post which was actually really just about what happened tonight is now revised into what i will pass tomorrow in Eng106 class. yes, this is what we like to call recycling. it's not yet done done, but it's better, i think. minus the details of the first one which is just a narration. i tried to apply a little subtlety, i've never been good at that though. i'm better with giving it all, no mystery, know what i mean? anyway, eto na:

Dama De Noche
In the silence of your absence
I remind myself
of nights before.
You lulled me to sleep
with your finger
mapping the lines on my palm.
dreamsounds in the background
invisible arabesques on the wall
In the confines
of my apocryphal universe,
where you fall like the nobleman
for dama's fragrance,
I will win your heart
in a one night's time.
I pray Cynthia
sing me to sleep
it's pointless waiting
but you keep singing
and i keep waiting.
I wait for forever's end
And til then
tonight, and nights after
I wait
And no one will come

2009-07-21T21:09:00.003+08:00

for balance, instead of ranting about my nonexistent lovelife, I've decided to talk about how shitty my academics are going. well, the reality is that it will all go down to my being irresponsible, but creative writing is not exactly only about sense of responsibility, but talent as well. i look back at all the poems i've done only to realize that they are all wrong. sure, writing is about saying how you feel and all that crap, but apparently there is a right way of doing it.

this is my version of free writing, so for 5-10 minutes i will rant nonstop about not being talented enough. i'm talented at so many things, waiting for one, waiting forever, second. but not so much in writing. I may be the most normal being there is. I am absolutely ordinary and it sucks the life out of me. There is nothing worst in the world than being ordinary.Franco says love for writing is enough reason to go on, but I realize love for writing will not exactly sell, it could only do so much, like pass Eng106 for example(Please Lord, let me must pass eng106).

i'm so tired of wanting something so bad and being contented in watching it from afar. actually, contented is not the right word, more like limited. i have no idea what kind of magic the invisible wall that separates me from my dream is made of. restriction, maybe. i want to free myself from the religious constrictions I have, from the family values I value so much so i can be free to write whatever I want. but the reality is that I don't even know what I want to write about. just that I want to write, that much I know.

I don't want anything else. I just want to write! no purpose, no goal. i just want to write. and yet my heart seeks the acceptance of those around me. I want to be good. my god, I'm never good enough for anything, am I?

Nikko says the problem with poetry is that it's so arbitrary. what may be good for one may suck for someone else. i don't care about anyone else, the acceptance of my professors are enough. one unbelievably flattering compliment and i might, might, might find hope in writing again.

don't get me wrong, leaving writing has never crossed my mind. this is my life. i know no other thing than writing. but sometimes, instead of freeing me from my pains, it causes me greater distress. I believe in loving what you do and doing what you love, and more than the silly boys in my blogs, writing is my one great love. but i'm getting nowhere. i have absolutely nothing wonderful to offer the world. you won't exactly get somewhere by fading away, will you? i don't want to fade away. i'm no kurt cobain, and if ever i do fade away, atleast let me do it with honor. with my own Come As You Are.

i'm not making any sense, am I? i don't usually make sense. i sort of just rant and rant and i usually don't know how to stop. I have nothing to write, tomorrow's the deadline for the Eng106 poem, and I'm tired of making something only good enough to pass. my 35/50, 15/25 and 35/50 is not good enough. no! ONE MAD IDEA! how hard is that?

my god. i've been waiting 3 hours now, where is he?

dama de noche

2009-07-21T18:55:00.003+08:00

i found i have a knack for waiting. expecting follows.
the day's bipolar weather made me undesirable in any way possible.
and in the shower i thought of the night i am to spend with you.
dreamsounds in the background
and invisible arabesques on the wall.
you will be busy studying, and i'll be busy pretending.
i spent an entire half hour tending to myself.
a big shirt and tiny-teeny shorts were enough
but instead of smoke and sweat from an all day's work
i smelled like mango passion fruit.
in the confines of my apocryphal universe
where you fall like the nobleman
for dama's fragrance,
i will win your heart
in a one night's time.
feet crossed, chin propped on one palm
i tried putting the thought away
til later when it is real.
cynthia alexander was singing
loud in my ears
and i felt you touch my shoulder
lightly, gently, like a feather
about to fly away.
you were dressed to leave
and i betrayed you with a smile,
i asked you to take care
and you promised you would be back.

feet crossed, chin propped on one palm,
i wait again for forever.
til then, tonight and nights after,
i am your dama de noche.

September all over again

2009-07-21T10:09:00.002+08:00

this time, it's no longer just plain painful. last night i was happy. my arms intertwined with yours, you once again played your finger on my palm. i showed you how to do it, you kept doing it wrong but the truth is you can do it any way you want, i'd be glad just to have a part of you touching a part of me.

i'll remember every detail, it will be a crime to forget. I remember every song you sang last night, everything you said. I remember the faces you made when i said something stupid or funny, or when i got over-emotional. I remember the way my cheek touched your shoulder when you were showing me how to twist my hand.

my god, i sound so obsessed!

shiny red balloon spoils everything

2009-07-20T14:29:00.002+08:00

barbie, listen please
my little boy blue is stuck
outside waiting for it to stop
one two three
the rain is falling
can you hear?
i can

barbie, sing me to sleep
make me forget for a while
the rain outside
is pouring inside
the tears are coursing
down my back

barbie, stop lying
i have you to blame
it's pointless waiting
but you keep singing
and i keep waiting
and no one will come

barbie, i'm sorry
the world is turning black
paint it back to blue
i'll wait a little longer
i promise i will
til then fill me
with the darkness that is
you

M is for Misery

2009-07-20T02:15:00.002+08:00

I know, eventually, like him, I will have to let you go. And it hurts to know I always have to be the one to stay behind while others walk beside you, it hurts that after the long painful journey I had with him, I'm still here treading a longer walk with you. i can stop halfway and run back, but my heart won't let me. and i keep welcoming thoughts of you, and us together only to realize at the end of the day that it can never be.

I put too much effort into this, more than things I did for him. If there's anything I got from this, it's that now I have him to lean on. nakakatawa, pero nakakairita. we're improving, i thought we were. that night we talked for hours, laughing hysterically about the most mundane things, you lulled me to sleep with your finger mapping the lines on my palm, i had my hand resting on your chest, we were listening to dreamsounds, I was so happy. That night ended with her head resting on your shoulders as you brushed her hair with your fingers, you went home hand in hand. i felt so defeated.

this is not a race, if it is, she'd be halfway through. i could atleast run and find out how far my feet would take me, but is it stupid pointless to run and lose? the second placers don't really matter that much, I know, I've always been second. never first. never only. always second.

you make me feel so ugly.

2009-07-07T13:49:00.001+08:00

One day, I have to get up, get out and run as fast as I can to the farthest my feet will take me.

You won’t be there. No one will be. Just me. Finally only myself to blame for my own miseries. God knows how much I’d rather you take me. How much I’d rather I take you with me to my escape. You to ride bikes with me in the fields of Tuscany. You to lean on as I get emotional listening to sad Spanish guitar. You to walk hand in hand with in the bazaars in Bangkok. You to wait for while you’re at work. You to fight with over directions. You to make up with after a long fight. You to laugh with after a long day at work. You to wait for, so we can eat dinner together. You beside me after I painted our new living room wall. You, you, you. I know it will never happen, and it breaks me.

They asked me what hurts more, is it that you don’t love me, or is it that you love my friend? The truth is I don’t know. Just that it hurts. And I need it to stop. I thought I wonderful that you got me over him. But you got me through the pain only to prepare me for the worst.

Someday I will run away, just me. And I know that the world is so beautiful that I will forget whatever pain I felt with you, or with anyone. I fear I will return, I fear I will look back and feel indebted to return to this place. And you won’t be there waiting.

2009-06-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

I feel embarrassed for forgiving you. For giving in too easily. It’s only been a year since you’ve cheated on Vane and hurt all of us, but already I’m willing to forget. I feel like I’m betraying Vane by entertaining the possibility of us being friends again. But we were bestfriends Nikko, and yes I had my share of pseudo bestfriends and real ones but you have always been part of the latter. And you telling me now that you will always be here as you have always been only made it worse, it only highlights the fact that I’ve been a bad friend and left you alone to suffer the consequence of your mistakes. The funny thing is I don’t even know if you felt sorry for what you did, but I’m too blinded by how much I miss having you around.

You have no idea how much I wish I’d wake up and the things that did didn’t happen. You have absolutely no idea how caught up I feel in this mess you started, how much I wanted to get this over with and say yes when you asked if we could talk. But I couldn’t, you see I love Vane, everytime she cries about you I remember why I hated you in the first place. I’m afraid of hurting her. But god Nikko, I really just miss you. It pisses me off that I have to avoid you everytime because we both don’t know how to react around each other. I fucking hate that you chose Chris over Vane, over all of us. And then I remember, you had no choice because we left you before you had the chance to explain. Even if, yes, there is nothing to explain. You see how confused I am?

I don’t know if there’s a point in wishing that things will be ok in the end. But I don’t want to give up.

2009-06-15T15:20:00.002+08:00

stay
like the sun behind the clouds
whenever the rain decides to come
behind the darkness
whenever the moon is around

on highschool loves

2009-05-14T17:13:00.004+08:00

last night's sleepover slash booze night at Nicole's marked the last highschool bonding for this summer. but i am in no position to complain, after all, i rarely, actually never, went out with any of my college friends and yet i was rarely home. except on wednesdays because i have piano lessons.

last friday night, all 13 of us gathered at Clark's apartment for the next day's trip to Nasugbu. and while we laugh out loud about jokes no one outside our circle would ever understand, i realized that though i do not think of them as much as i should, they would forever remain home to me. i say i am happiest when i'm in LB, the truth is i cannot compare, because i'm happy here too. i know that come June, piles of paperworks and good times with my college friends will make me forget asking how they all are, if they too had been the drunk the night before or if they too had gotten a failing mark in their NASC exam, and the truth is i don't know if it means i love them less. all i know is that in this moment, as i think of how much happiness and serenity i felt as we all sit together, talking as if yesterday was no different from our pancit day at Sonny's, our trip to Majayjay, our winning the cheerdance championship, our open forums, i know that they are closest to my heart. and i start missing them already.

...

2009-05-01T19:49:00.001+08:00

what depresses me the most is that i am a firm believer that there is nothing worst in the world than being normal. and i am everything but extraordinary. i have absolutely nothing special to offer. except a helluva sense of humor. and my ability to fit in and fade away.

the truth is no matter how much i dream, i will get nowhere far.

Beboo Love <3

2009-04-26T19:28:00.005+08:00

ANNA'S HOME. whattup? i'm too lazy to talk about everything that happened last wednesday. just that it was fun!
and for someone we haven't seen for 5 years, she sure hasn't changed a lot. except for the accent, which was, well, WHOA! haha!

TGIF lunch.
coffee at Starbucks.
Hookah at Bed (space?)
And off to Binan for a sleepover.
that's our first day together. and we'll be seeing lots of each other after :)

Mark and Kit

2009-04-19T10:35:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to post the pictures from Friday Night's Sleepover with Jear and Nic. but yesterday right after they left i started having dysmenorea, so i fell right asleep and woke up at about 4, just in time for picking up our new dog, a Labrador Retriever, in C5. he's so adorable, he's just 2 months old so he's not that big yet, and he's color yellow. we had a family discussion about his name the other day, but when we bought him he was already named. Loveable Kit of Arcel, how cool is that? that's what it says on his papers, his call name's Kit, so our endless debate on whether to call him ziggy, or kido, or the million other names we all suggested is for nothing. Kit sounds okay though. wachu think?

anyway, I had the weirdest idea that Mark and I would be good together. I know right, where that came from, I have no idea. i laughed it off a couple of times, it keeps coming back. what, why? Hahaha! I haven't been with him all summer. nor have i exchanged texts with him or whatever. i don't know. he just keeps penetrating into my thoughts. stupid stupid overthinking.

another anyway, Imma go play with the puppy now. bye.

on killers and rockers

2009-04-17T12:25:00.005+08:00

i seriously have to stop googling everything. chanced upon a Jeffrey Dahmer joke on tumblr and because i don't know who the guy is, i googled him. turns out he's a serial killer! ANG PSYCHO LANG EH! this is like charles manson all over again. i don't know, it creeps me out but it interests me enough to read too much about it.

anyway, on a lighter note. i saw George Harrison's son on the news last night. oh me oh my, they look so alike! and i have to say, even if George's not as famous as the other three, he has always been my favorite beatle. Because Starkey's a poser, haha! And how can i not love the man who wrote While My Guitar Gently Weeps and Something.

but now i love his son. he modeled for a magazine, i don't know what magazine though. and he was running (in a chanel pa i think) and the header says "here comes the son" hahaha! wala lang, i just found the play of words funny, and he plays too! His name's Dhanni by the way.

River Flows In You

2009-04-15T12:11:00.004+08:00

just came home from Piano lessons. Ms. Botiquin, my piano teacher who took me in again after forgetting about her for 5 long years, played It Was In The Summertime today which was appropriate and felt right with the heat and the noisy fan which wasn't at all that helpful. kept saying "naging kilala ako" because of Buling Buling sa Pandacan. i had to stop myself from snorting. but ofcourse, she is talented. perhaps even pretty in her youth. now she's old and perhaps a bit senile, I sighed with relief when she almost mentioned Lady Gaga but didn't, because she kept bringing her up in past meetings. but don't get me wrong, i love her. i started playing with her from age 9, i think. i can say, we go back. we're like hommies, yknow. haha!

tried to play River Flows In You, which was a bummer because i suck. things would've been different if only i didn't stop, at 13 i was already playing Fur Elise and now im starting from the beginning, well, sort of. sheesh, but at least im playing again. oh well, my goal is to be able to play that or Eyes On You before the summer ends. my fingers are so tightly crossed i don't think i'd be able to play the piano again.

caught in a middle

2009-04-14T21:55:00.003+08:00

BESTFRIEND LOVE.

can't wait to have them over for our yearly sleepover. we'll see each other tomorrow, i think. it's a good thing Shoji came back home, made all of us want to see each other tons. but we're meeting up so much that i'm forgetting the reason behind not having summer classes. THESIS, sounds familiar? demmet. i'm so lazy. atleast i'm productive, piano and cooking lessons, whattup!

but i might not graduate on time. one mad idea, that's all i need for this thesis to work. and maybe, a little time and discipline.

SASASASUMMER

2009-04-12T23:14:00.002+08:00

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER!

This summer is by far the most promising. much much thankful to Shoji and Anna who decided they're getting far too missed. Well actually, Shoji's leaving tomorrow and Anna will be arriving on the 21st. yeah, i know, di manlang nagpangabot.

Summer is Love, it will forever be! too bad i'm single. hahaha! actually, i don't mind. been spending too much time with Nicole and there's no better way to spend Summer! everything's so perfect, sana hindi ma-jinx. haha!

SUMMER IS LALALALOVE

beachin with our boys

2009-04-08T19:52:00.006+08:00

it was my 18th birthday the last time i saw Shoji, so when he came home last March30 i couldn't wait to see him. but ofcourse i couldn't (no thanks to exams i wouldn't pass anyway). so we really only got together last monday, on a much awaited trip to nasugbu. i realized that no matter how many times i find an excuse to skip dinner or booze nights with them, i will always go back and realize that they're the best thing that ever happened to me! walang tatalo sa highschool friends.so while my parents were probably worrying that im ssomewhere far with 11 boys, haha, i couldn't possibly be safer. we can't even walk far without having one of them guarding our backs. forgive us for enjoying being donyas for two days, sitting pretty at our beach chairs while the boys cook, clean and take care of us. it's not so long ago that we're the ones expected to take care of them. and as we gathered round the table that doubles as bonfire with all the cigarettes lit that night we girls all sighed at how our little boys are growing up. well except for Allen, who was badly burnt thanks to his endless antics, his ugly ugly sand castle and his asking for feet like a silly marian rivera on the seashore. we used to worry so much about them, but i guess there's no need to now. Shoji's so mature. nakakagulat na nga sobra how Japan and working changed him. actually nakakagulat how we all changed. how we all went from boys and girls running around the elem building to the medyo mature mabisyo people we/they are now. haha! nakakamiss how it was all simple then and yet i couldn't help but smile at how far we've all gone, together.

we'll be back to our normal busy selves come June, and i don't want to return to reality. Nic and i can't stop talking about how sad we are that it's over. that we have to wait another year. the last 2 days were so perfect, and bitin ofcourse. next year daw, we'll do it again for four days. and i seriously can't wait. the promise of sand, sunsets andBESTFRIENDS makes me feel all warm inside. I love love love them. to the moon and back.

devianting

2009-03-28T13:43:00.003+08:00

surprise surprise from a sporadic blogger.
i've finally decided to upload something in my DA. i wish i know how to edit though, they look pretty shitty when scanned. plus, i feel primitive because im stuck on pen and paper. haha! anyway, here's my bonggang bonggang deviant. and here's a little peek :

i made this for ate rio, my sis from Pantas. it's a tribute thing because she's already graduating. like half the org!!! it's pretty sad. i'll miss them all so much, if only i could pay their profs hahaha joke lang. but honestly, goodbye sucks no?

we eventually lose our friends.

2009-03-23T18:57:00.005+08:00

i'd like to think its not supposed to be that way, but it happens. i'm not sure i will ever be able to accept it. but i realize that slowly, its now happening to me.

of murakami love

2009-03-03T15:49:00.003+08:00

i've been listening to Miserable at Best for a million times since i got here at Boston Cafe. and if the world wasn't so high-tech and i still used a cd, i would have worn it out. but it's the perfect song to go along with Toru Watanabe's love for Naoko's twisted self. i can't help but get carried away. and it's not really okay to laugh and feel all teary-eyed while gel's busy with her papers and with no one to smile with! i deserve a space in Naoko and Reiko's asylum that doubles as a resort!

i love it here, Gel says, here you feel so far away from Elbi when in fact right when you look outside you'll see Botica Castro and Minute Burger, complete with smoke effects of jeepneys.

it is so relaxing here, i haven't felt so rested. especially thanks to the party i had last sunday, although i have to say that my mom is the one who's most tired of all the cooking and cleaning and entertaining. (Thank you ma!) Boston Cafe relaxes me, or it must be Haruki Murakami. Norwegian Wood is killing me and i feel like Naoko, the way she makes everything complicated, it doesn't help that she loves The Beatles' Norwegian Wood too! But i have to say, it is kinda weird that i can put it down and resume reading after a day or two. Haruki Murakami is and will always be the shit! forget that some of his works are quite the disappointment. he's won my heart again this time. And if by some warped turn of fate i meet him and he decides to marry me (bah!) i would, behind a heartbeat, if only i don't think of him making me mad like he does with his characters!

So if you want to take those feelings and smash somebody with them, Smash me.
-Toru Watanabe (Norwegian Wood)

feb18

2009-02-18T19:54:00.004+08:00

i feel cruel for giving promises i know i won't be able to keep. i feel unappreciative for being given something i wished for and not wanting it because i can't be given the one thing i really want. i feel tired of not having a relevant thing to say other than my pains that no one really cares about. i feel alone, and it's so unfair because people try to come in and i keep myself tightly shut. i feel vulnerable to anything. i feel like a shallow, insecure, morose bitch. just because i've never felt this ugly as when i have to stand beside her, as when i have to talk to her and realize just how perfect she is.

i want to drown every bit of insecurity i have with all the feelings i have for you. then i'll be relieved of all my pains. sometimes i can't help but wonder if things would've been different if i was even just slightly good enough for you. but i know i've already lost the battle before i even step into the field. i know i won't even be able to run the race to vie for your heart because i know anyone can win except me. and it makes me feel so insecure. and i try really hard, i do. but you just can't see past everything you've known. no matter how i change, no matter how i try to be different, you will always always see past it and see the old me. the same way i see the old you.

i wish i could've gone back halfway through the race so i could still have a little part of me left, so i could start anew. but i've nothing more left here. just this sick sick tune i can't stop singing.

valentines drama

2009-02-14T12:58:00.003+08:00

i can't stick around for nothing.
i can't wait forever.
i can't be alone always.
i can't be whole for you.
i can't cry for you.
and i can't give you everything.

things i can't do for the things i've already done. i can't give anything i haven't given before. there's nothing more left of me except this wretched me, and i can't expect you to stay but i do. because i expect too much, too much from you. leave me if you can't help but let this happen again. let me wait all night, let me feel so sorry for myself. chase said i shouldn't expect too much from you because i'll only get disappointed it's funny how i take advices from him now. but alone today, i had noone to talk to. and sure the tears took me by surprise as i swore i will never cry, but i didn't cry for you, i did for myself. i needed it.

black and white

2009-02-06T13:36:00.004+08:00

the truth is the things i regret i would've done over and over again if given the chance. these are the times i spent with you. my own hell that i invite myself to. just so i could burn in the heat of your drunken embrace, just so i could feel a little warmth of something you wouldn't give out in the sun. amidst strangers and friends carried away by the heat and darkness, i can pretend we're alone. you are different. in the darkness, behind the fog and smoke, you are different. and if i have to stay out of the light forever, i would. if it means i would have another chance of a pseudo happiness, to cover up the truth that i would only remain happy until tomorrow. and i would again regret it the next day. and then do it again if i have another chance.

i know i don't make much sense. but last night you said i am to you what he is to her. a bestfriend. and yet, it's the sweetest thing i've ever been told. only because it came from you.

tomorrow i'll be back to black and white. being grey is not that fun i realized. but one day i will be grey again for you. just so we could share another dance.

for once it's not for you

2009-02-03T09:16:00.002+08:00

i think my heart is as fragile as a balloon now, one more pain and it'll pop. and there is only one constant prayer in my lonely nights before i surrender to sleep and that is that he'll turn it into a stone.

i need something permanent. i deserve that. i don't need someone to stay only when he wants to. but i don't want to ask you to stay around, i know i'm not that easy to understand. i know it will be too much to ask, i know i've given away my heart and the only thing left is a finger, nothing compared to the fist-sized beating machine. so how about i say i give you something to hold on to, would you promise to never let go.

i promise i would try. would you promise you would too?

on breakups

2009-01-28T09:28:00.003+08:00

just because you're not answering any of my messages and because i won't be able to see you until this weekend if ever you do come home from work.

it'll be fine. you don't know how much i wish you didn't have to experience this to learn. but since it's happening, i do hope you learn from it. i hope you'd grow from it. and i wish you'd recover. maybe it's the time to finally do those things you talked to me about, things you planned to do 'if ever' you two are not together. you always knew you were destined for something better. but i know you love ate apple, planned your life together with her, and i know it sucks, but you'll get over it if you want to. when you find it hard to go on, you know that despite our differences i will always, always, be here for you. i love you, and i love ate apple too, we all do. but you're still blood and it's thicker than any ties with other people, we will always be on your side. and if only we could protect you from all the pain your experiencing now, we would. be strong kuya. i hate to imagine you weak and sad. i hate you most of the time, you know that, but i will hate you more if you sulk about it. especially if you do it without me.

i do wish you'd answer my messages though, i wish we could talk. you always come to me when things like this happens, and it sucks to not hear it from you. i love love love you kuya. be strong.

losing my bestfriend

2009-01-25T20:45:00.004+08:00

came from the PI field trip. and i know you're supposed to learn all these Rizal stuff. but in the end of the day, the only thing i learned and realized is how much i miss Nikko. It's unbearable we're together the whole day and we haven't said a word to each other. we really were close then. Denise said that if i wanted to make up with him i could've done it a long time ago because really the only person who could make it happen is myself. actually, that's not entirely true, vecause all i was waiting for was an apology. but i guess i'm just partly to blame, i'm a little embarassed because i know i said some bad things. and i know then that whenever i feel as if i did something cruel, he would remind me that he's nikko and that he would never judge me and that he will always understand. but i didn't understand him, i didn't even try and i just know i never will. but i atleast want us to be friends again. when this issue exploded, i didn't go to class for two weeks because i didn't want to see him, not because i was mad, more because i was in pain. because i, too, was his biggest fan. i listened to all his stories, believed everything he said, and in return i told him everything. serious things we never talked about seriously, things we manage to talk about in between doodling and playing Stupid. that's why it hurt when i found out he told gel and not me, but i also realized that if i knew i never would have forgiven him, which is a lie, i know, but i could've hated him sooner which is worse than now.

i miss nikko. i miss how he's such a good friend to me, and i'm sorry i didn't hear his side or atleast try to save the friendship. i wish i could've done things differently. the truth is sometimes i even wish i never found out, i know i could've lived without knowing. i sometimes wish he is still the nikko i thought he was. but it's all done, and i know the only possible thing is wishing that we return to being friends again.

fredster

2009-01-17T22:08:00.003+08:00

this is fir denise and ehm. okay mostly for me too :)

he's gwapo and hot all right. thanks to wildchild which i enjoyed by the way i now have a schoolgirl crush on fredster!

nothing lasts forever

2009-01-16T10:13:00.003+08:00

i asked Nicole to do me a favor and stop me when the time comes that i actually want to get married. she's probably laughing about it now. but I'm serious. the white fluffy gowns and fancy ten-storey cake is the biggest cover-up of the biggest crime in the world. giving yourself to someone you think you know, only to spend/waste half your life with your 'partner' and realize you can't live with each other. really, nobody stays together anymore. if they do it's all because of the kids, and do they actually think the fighting and hurting doesn't affect the kids at all. it's so sick! i can't believe i actually had a dream wedding, i can't believe I've fantasized about dropping the kids to school and all that family stuff. SPARE ME!

I've written so much about it, but in the end, i still don't understand it. Love is shit. I don't want to believe in it anymore. I'd like to say i don't believe in it at all but then again i would have to take it back someday. and i don't want to have to. I HATE THIS!

just today i did a good thing. especially for someone lazy like me. and it's not like i expect to be treated so nicely about it. i mean, he did say thank you, almost a whisper, almost incomprehensible. and the funny thing is (but who's laughing) if i could go back and have another choice, i'd do it again! how crazy am i?

lover's cross

2009-01-12T13:35:00.004+08:00

i love Jim Croce. never mind that they (Denise, Ehm... everyone) laugh at me whenever i sing time in a bottle in the videoke. i just love him.
i have a new favorite Jim Croce song, it's Lover's Cross. listen to it, it's good.. don't watch the youtube video though. trust me. unless you're a big super mario fan. hahaha! or watch it and you'll know why.

my dad is watching his dvd now.. i don't mind seeing him sing, i just prefer not to. so while i listen to him, i do this.

lolo

2009-01-10T19:52:00.002+08:00

i planned to write about my grandfather's death last december 30. but, it's not really something i'm comfortable with. so let's just leave it at that.

do pray for his soul though.

series madness

2009-01-09T16:33:00.001+08:00

i started season 2 of Gossip Girl yesterday.
and i finished season 3 of How I Met Your Mother today.
how cool is that?

mashed potato and flunking cognitive psych

2009-01-07T21:03:00.005+08:00

i saw two people wearing stabilo orange pants today, in the words of Marvin Gaye, WHAT"S GOING ON?
is neon the new fad, i hope not.

but that is not the reason behind this blog entry. the reason is that i have a feeling that i might flunk psy148. which is just sad. pathetic. not to mention embarrassing. psychology is supposed to be interesting. any subject that does not involve solving math problems are labeled PASSABLE to me. but no, not this one, and take note it's not because it's hard it's because the prof (whose name i don't even know) makes it hard. she is nice though, but she can be nicer.

anyway, last night was perfect. Chase, Denise and I went grocery shopping. we cooked mashed potato, well actually Chase cooked mashed potato, Denise and i helped. and we had mashed potato, corn and carrots for dinner. after that we (Ehm, Gel, Mark, Denise, Chase) wiid (which is the verb for playing wii. durrr) and headed to the rooftop and sang disney songs. then i studied for the exam which i probably failed earlier today.

well that's it actually.

dur.

2009-01-06T00:29:00.002+08:00

i've got lots of stories about the lack of it. but i've got no time except to say that i can live without certain things for a week, but i can't seem to survive without chuvaness.

i've got to live my other life too,you know.

holiday updates

2008-12-29T13:02:00.011+08:00

Belated Merry Christmas everyone. our internet was crazy (i have a feeling Ella has something to do with it hahaha) and i just gave up after a million try, so i wasn't able to blog for days.

dec.24-25
nagmass lang kami sa Binan, but since Uncle Bob and Auntie Lita are home for the holidays, we spent Christmas there. which is okay. dahil mas maraming tao, so mas masaya.

i kinda missed it too. kasi last year we spent christmas at home. mas masaya talaga if there are kids around. my pamangkins went crazy over kuya allan in a santa costume. hahaha!

dec26

we were supposed to go out before and after Christmas we were all busy before the 24th so it was almost impossible. Gusto manuod ni Chase ng Tanging Ina, Nicole and I really just wanted coffee, and when we got to ATC we all wanted fried Mac and Cheese and decided to eat at Fridays. but the boys didn't want to spend too much on food, forever kuripot wala pa ring nagbago hahaha. so we decided on shakeys where we spent the same as we would if we ate fried mac and cheese (bitter talaga ako.) anyway, we had coffee after and hung out in Aplaya.

we saw Shiela btw.

dec.27
kuya paolo and i were watching how i met your mother and forgot all about the time. my dad hates it when we over sleep and he also hates it when we overwatch tv, so patay kami. it was already around 4:30 and we had to sleep, fast, before my dad finds out, oh but he did hahaha. we woke up at 12 , half the day was gone but who would've thought, andami kong nagawa, i finished south of the border west of the sun by Murakami. and i finished two artworks. nag-drawing din sila kuya and si papa, it was a fun sunday afternoon :)

may God forgive the mansons

2008-12-23T22:42:00.004+08:00

yesterday was shitty but i'll still be shut about it, except that i will always remember it as the day How I Met Your Mother and Chase saved me a few minutes before today happened. and well, today was great until i listened to helter skelter and mentioned it. soon my parents were telling me about sharon tate and charles manson and all that sick stuff. way to go! really, now i feel extremely christmassy!!! sick sick people. i can't believe they actually exist. and my mom even wanted to show me pictures of the house, and the Helter Skelter on the walls, i freakin saw sharon tate, pregnant, bloody and all. and some people actually look up to this charles manson guy! they even have his face for tattoos. SICK! okay, i can now tolerate che guevarra wearing people who don't even know the hero, just leave that manson guy in the 1960s where he belongs. and way to go manson, you just ruined a potential favorite beatles song! NOW I'M STUCK WITH BLACKBIRD!

I hope i get my perkiness back tomorrow.

i hope noone reads this before christmas. curiousity is deadly.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. and as everyone might head out to post christmas parties and all the jazz (except me) i will borrow a line from my lifesaver, How I Met Your Mother:

a friend does not let a friend drink and dial.

christmas list

2008-12-21T11:50:00.010+08:00

i don't really make christmas lists, its either because i am very materialistic and can't put everything on the list or i usually don't need one. this year, i will get everything i wished for. well, almost everything. but who am i to complain, the band-aid song is enough for me to be contented, i am after all VERY blessed compared to other people.

but i've decided to make a list. just because. as i've said i can't put everything here, but here are some of...
MY CHRISTMAS WISHES

1. World Peace
2. Jordi Labanda notebook
3. A 20-set staedtler pens :)4. Harajuku Lovers
5. Holga camera :)) (this or the classic black one, the white looks a little toy-ish)6. Moleskine Notebook

7. Mimobots (all of them! bwahahaha)
8. Christmas with Nathan and Danica

9. Adam Levine

10. James Mcavoy? Oh Yes Please!

11. The Eiffel Tower

12. The World! BWAHAHAHA
hmmm... so this is why i don't make lists. i get a little too overwhelmed. hahaha!
MERRY CHRISTMAS friends. Have a good one :)

yadda yadda yadda

2008-12-17T17:55:00.003+08:00

ushered at the Kithara concert. i didn't think i'd enjoy it, my dad listened to a lot of classical music and it's not that i hated it, i just didn't like it as much. Denise and i watched the second to the last show. i like Canon in D and pieces by Vivaldi the most. i felt like i was being serenaded along with a hundred strangers. it felt nice. Sir Fojas is funny, they played one piece by someone anonymous, he said anonymous is the most prolific artist of all time. hahaha! Denise has a crush on that Franco guy, whose achievements are whoaaaa! He doesn't look as hot as when he plays though.

anyway, tonight's our christmas dinner (housemates) and christmas party (pantas)

.

2008-12-07T19:58:00.001+08:00

dodoooodo

2008-12-06T23:52:00.003+08:00

WORST CONNECTION. not exactly that big a deal. but if it's a saturday night. with not one good movie on tv. and your cousins just left and you're bored to death not to mention sick. the only thing you could do is download games and play big fish games online. but the connection is WORSE than Worst. well it's a completely different story.

anyway, andito sila Ella kanina. they stayed until 11, i think. i love my cousins so much, i can even survive the fat comments when it comes from them. they actually think i can get any guy, achieve whatever i want, even save the world, if only i was a little thinner. sweet no? hahaha! they weren't surprised i was getting fat. the house was literally overflowing with party leftovers because my mom had a week long celebration.

so anyway. will sleep now.

singhot singa

2008-12-06T00:58:00.003+08:00

this is tolerable. i mean, if it isn't i wouldn't survive 4days. minsan kasi okay, tas minsan sobrang sama lang ng pakiramdam ko. and i'm the kind of person na hindi pwedeng iwan pag may sakit, nadadapress ako. all day today i was stuck in my parents room, playing big fish games, which later made me dizzy. tas tuloy tuloy lang ang pasok ng pagkain, buko pie, barbeque, banana cake, doughnut, and the list goes on.. and all day din, puno ng tao yung bahay. para kong patabaing baboy na maarte't kailangan naka-aircon.

so anyway, can you imagine wala ni isang magandang movie, and i was watching tv since 3 this afternoon. good thing, pinalabas yung partition. which i love. so okay, medyo hindi maganda yung linyang "she made me want to live again" natawa lang ako sa asar. haha! but i love the movie, i did not enjoy it as it is not the ending i wanted, but it is a good movie. at ever since naman gandang ganda lang talaga ko kay kristin kreuk. basta ang ganda. ang ganda ng scenes sa field, o nung naliligo sya sa ulan. ang ganda nya sa blue, orange at pink na tela. hahaha! anyway, the lead guy was familiar(and kinda cute too) but i couldn't remember where i saw him, so imdb-ed him. so guess where?? The Guru! The Truth About Love! HAHAHAHA! so i have to say, gusto ko ang pagkalabas nya sa Partition. i totally forgot his other roles :) (names Jimi Mistry by the way)

oh well. basta sana magaling na'ko bukas. masakit umubo, parang sasabog parati yung ulo ko. at nakakasawa suminghot at sumingha.

sick

2008-12-03T07:15:00.002+08:00

sick. feels like there's a big lump of puto bumbong stuck in my throat.
yan tuloy, i missed mama mia, which we were supposed to watch last night pero dahil nga deretso tulog ako, hindi na.

i've got 5 classes today, madugo compared to the two classes i have during TTh, plus its raining crazy. and i forgot my leggings, so all i have are shorts and pants, edi nagpants nalang ako. grr.

i enjoyed last night's reading workshop. pero feeling ko there's something about Nikki and Nica's house. last time i was there for reading workshop i also got sick and went straight home to sleep. but anyway i was sick since early morning yesterday kaya wala kong karapatan manisi. hindi ko rin alam kasi kung san ko to nadampot. pero shet talaga, higit sa lahat ayoko ng sipon eh. ayoko ng sakit sa lalamunan, yung tipong masakit lumunok. grr

oh well. i'm built for life's unbearable and unfair situations. (yon. nagdrama pa eh)

hello

2008-11-28T17:51:00.003+08:00

wala na'kong balak mag-english kahit kailan. joke. nakakadepress na talaga ang eng102. andami ko ng post na di tinutuloy dahil baka mali ang grammar. sheeeet! ayoko ng magsulat talaga.

anong kinalaman ng litrato sa post na to? wala. gusto ko lang ipagmalaki ang pagkakaedit. haha! at hindi ko isheshare ang secret ko, at hindi yun photoshop dahil hindi ako marunong.

ang boring ng buhay ko. grabe. wala man lang ako maikwento. maliban sa oo, ang ganda ng twilight. at hindi ako twilight fan, okay fine kinilig ako sa libro pero ang pinakaayoko talaga eh kapag ginagawang movie. pumapangit kasi. well, syempre mas maganda pa rin yung book. still hindi panget yung movie. ang ganda ni bella :)

so yun. wala na. wala na kong masabi. gumawa nga pala ko ng xanga. panglimang blog ko na ata yun?? so syempre hindi yun magiging active dahil loyal ako sa blogger ko. at sumubok akong ipersonalize ang theme, but no! loser ko talaga eh. ang hirap kaya.

so eto seryoso na. wala na'kong masabi.

CHRISTMAS GIFTS

2008-11-28T07:51:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA :)

i would receive sure gifts this christmas.

an esprit watch from the parents :)

an ipod (the yellow one) also from the parents

wind up bird chronicle from auntie irene

and House of Spirits from Fr. Arnold

OK na yun. syempre gusto ko pa rin ng crocs na ipinapangako ni kuya. pero kung di mabigay, ok lang. solved na ko dito. haha! :)

I LOVE CHRISTMAS :))

...

2008-11-25T12:17:00.004+08:00

so first there's jordi labanda, then craig thompson and andrea joseph, now there's sarah gaugler. the only filipino in my list. well sorta, i think she's only half-filipina. what does it mean anyway? half-filipina? whole human, half something. weird. so anyway, i discovered her thanks to my brother's moonlane gardens album (which i by the way LOOOOVE) and i spent an entire day that day googling her. because of her i wantaa tattoooo. ofcourse i did consider that my dad would kill me, so i easily sent that dream with the wind. she did some drawings for the new starbucks planner, which i won't get. i'll be satisfied checking out chase's. planners are a complete waste in my locker space, because i forget. the last starbucks planner i have is filled with drawings on the first few months, and then i forgot i even own one.

so anyway, i got a 7 in my spelling today, which is decent compared to the 3 i got last meeting. yes, embarassing. well, embarassing for everyone in that class since we're all commarts students, in UP for christsake. and i got 38 in the quiz. nakakatanga grabe. i remember complaining because we had effing subject-verb agreement for four years in highschool, and guess what? here i am in college, and i still suck.

so the greatest dillema of all is whether i will write my thesis in filipino or english. i got i.5 for both fil20 and fil21, under Sir Dumlao. i got 2.75 in eng1. problem solved?? well, actually the biggest problem is WHAT i will write. i'm clueless. i am studying magical realism since i don't think it will be discussed in any of my subjects this semester. it's funny how ideas often come to me in mass, and fortunately my mom doesn't get mad when i start asking for paper and pen in the middle of homily. haha

si tisa tumatagalog

2008-11-20T09:10:00.005+08:00

may dalawang oras yata akong nakatitig sa dingding ng Big Dad's at kung hindi lang imposible, nakabisado ko na yata lahat ng nakasulat sa freedom wall nila. kahit minsan sumasakit na yung mata ko, sa kakatitig sa dingding o sa usok ng LB square at sa mga luhang kung pwede lang isuka ay bolimik na ko, nakatitig pa rin ako, at andun pa rin ako sa mausok, mabango at maingay na lugar na yon. ang nakakapagtaka at ang nakakatawa, kahit saan ko pa ibato ang tingin ko balik pa rin ng balik dun sa malalaking letrang FS, green at yellow ang kulay. lahat na ng posibleng ibig sabihin nun naisip ko na, friendster? for sure? feeling sick? forgetting sarah (galing sa forgetting sarah marshall)? fat slim? faster slower? falling stones? ferri swheel? joke lang. naisip ko na ata lahat saka ko nalang naisip na baka pangalan yun.

kung hinayaan ko, mapapanaginipan ko siguro yung lalaking nakanta dun. maganda ang boses at mukang mabait. sana nakaligtas ako sa isa nanamang gabi ng walang katapusang panaginip na di ko maala-alala pag dating ng umaga. pero hanggang dun lang sya, sa stage ng Big Dads hawak ang gitara nya habang nakanta ng mga malulungkot na kanta na para bang nanadya. hindi dahil sa ibang dahilan, kundi dahil hindi sya nakakalagpas sa tingin. hanggang dun lang parati. yun lang ang kaya kong ibigay.

hindi ako madrama. matagal-tagal na ng huli akong bumanat ng mga judith mcnaught na mga linya, pero ng nilulunod ng boses nya ang ingay ng halkhakan at iyakan dun sa sinumpang lugar na yun, nalungkot ako. sabi ni sarah, phase daw yun, yung lahat ng bagay tinatawanan, lahat nginingitian, tas paguwi nagmimistulang bahay ampunan ng luha ang unan. yung bang pag gising mo feeling mo natulog ka ng basa ang buhok. nakakatawa pero hindi ako tumawa. tapos na siguro ako sa phase na yun. siguro kahit wala akong boyfriend o kung ano man, may karapatan din akong maging malungkot. matagal na ring tuyo ang hinihigaan ko.

bago umalis sinulat ko yung pangalan ko sa isang lugar dun sa Big Dads. hindi ko alam kung bakit, papansin lang siguro. gusto ko bago ako umalis ulit, masulatan ko kahit isang maliit na bahagi dyan sa utak mo. kahit saan mo man piliting tumingin gusto kong bumalik balik ang mata mo sa isang malaking T, kulay pula. gusto kong wag mong kalimutan, gusto kong lumagpas sa tingin mo at sumama sa kung saan ka man dinadala ng kaluluwa mo tuwing nakanganga ka't dilat, mahimbing at nananaginip.

nagiisa kang lalaking dinadala ko sa kin. hindi ko man maalala ang panaginip, alam ko. dahil malungkot tuwing paggising.

hello hell again

2008-11-18T22:49:00.003+08:00

haven't talked to anyone about it for a long time. it just didn't make sense, and people are getting tired with the story anyway, i know i'm tired. and i also figured it would stop hurting, or that IT would simply stop if i stop writing and talking about it. which is why my tears took me by surprise when i talked to Gel.

i'm okay. it's not just something i tell people when i try to avoid the conversation that is already way overdue. i really am okay. most of the time. i'm not over it, i'm far from moving on, but i've learned the best way to cope with pain, and it's to live with it. so for the past gazillion months, that's what i've been doing. lying to myself and living with it. and it isn't so bad as it sounds, really.

there are so many things to worry and be sad about that THIS didn't seem worthy of my time. for one thing, i lost nikko, i'd like to think he lost us but he doesn't seem concerned. i am anyway, sad and still shocked. but here i am, crying over Jin and PJ's semi-breakup. just because i would rather i had been lied to and be wooed and told the things Jin was told, than to live this boring pathetic life. ofcourse also because i was sad for Jin, but that's another story.

well i figureed it's the time of the year. and maybe the Ber-wind do bring something else than the smell of damp grass and the sound of Jingle Bells. maybe. maybe because it reminds me that this is what, the third christmas already, that i have been wishing for the same thing.

i can't wait to graduate!!!

on notebooks. haha

2008-11-08T12:28:00.004+08:00

went to alabang yesterday, supposedly to buy myself a cute notebook. i didn't find any, because still the cutest notebooks can only be found in fullybooked, even the ones in powerbooks look shitty compared to it. ofcourse im a little bias, because jordi labanda notebooks are sold there :))

so anyway, because it's depressing to go home empty handed i bought a small black notebook, that looks a lot like moleskine, except cheaper. yey!

so, another anyway, yesterday i hung out longer at the arts section than in the fictions area. that's both weird and scary. my mom was checking out some of my drawings a couple of days ago, and she said "baka dyan ka sumikat" after she said that, i went straight to my room and started reading. it's scary, me devoting more of my time in my sketching than in writing or reading.

the trip to CSB the other day made me realize i really want to pursue arts. but my first love would always always be writing. it's just new to me, i never wanted anything else but to write before. and now, i want to draw too..

2008-11-02T11:05:00.002+08:00

hello few chosen friends who can read this blog. this is my christmas book list, if you want to get me a book this christmas do choose from The List:

Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby
Philippa Gregory's Constant Princess
Any Haruki Murakami book (except Kafka on the Shore and After DArk which i already have)
Ernest Hemmingway's A Moveable Feast
Isabel Allende's House of Spirits
Joanne Harris' Chocolat

that's it for now. although i think i will be buying Chocolat next week, or maybe Lollipop Shoes if i resist buying another Haruki Murakami book. i don't know what it is with this japanese guy, his works confuse me to the core and yet, and yet i love him. i enjoyed After Dark even if i don't think i understood it. haha!

hello

2008-11-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

kuya paolo promised me his macbook pag bumalik daw sa 135 yung weight nya. told him it's pretty impossible. and then mama chimed in, that it is in the impossible that God makes a miracle. haha! my brother is also selling me his macbook, for 40k. that's 20k cheaper than the original price, but still i don't want a secondhand mac, unless he gives it to me for free. which is impossible, unless a miracle happens and he loses a million pounds.

anyway, had fun fun fun at the cemetery last night even though sobrang daming tao. i always enjoy the company of my cousins, plus i missed all of them so much :)

so far, i'm done with Memories of my Melancholy Whores, and After Dark. i'm off to One Hundred Years of Solitude.

plurking

2008-10-26T21:12:00.000+08:00

i love you dear blogger account, but i've been busy with this:

Plurk.com

bored. bored. bored.

2008-10-23T15:39:00.002+08:00

potato fries for lunch. just so i have a reason to use the deep fryer :)

let me be kafka

2008-10-23T11:43:00.003+08:00

i'm planning my escape.

i wanna go biking in Tuscany, sight-seeing in Santorini. or learn Japanese so i wouldn't have to look stupid and lost in Japan. i wanna see the Eiffel Tower, and sip coffee in the cafes in Paris. Eat Tapas in Spain. swim naked in Kuta Bali (or not). do whatever illegal things that's legal in Amsterdam. i wanna lie on my back on fields of grass and let the Aurora Borealis tuck me to sleep and ride a gondola on the canals of Venice. I wanna

mostly i just wanna run away. to the farthest place my feet can take me. and the only sure thing is that i might see Aurora Borealis, and Niagara Falls. or Denise might be able to order me some Tapas, what with her Spanish-speaking skills? haha!

i know that some things don't come out right, i don't wanna leave the people i love. it's just, even though i know it's nothing else but cowardly, escape is my only way

pop art madness

2008-10-21T16:23:00.011+08:00

POP ART Madness

there's so much to do. pero bored pa rin ako. dahil dyan, to the rescue ang photobooth ni kuya.

mga rare moments na i actually love my hair :) don't get me wrong, there is no way na magpapakacrazy ako ulit at papagupitan yan. can't wait for my hair to grow.

the first picture reminds me of marish, kamuka ko sya dyan, hahaha napapunta tuloy ako sa friendster nya bigla. haha!

LOSER

2008-10-20T21:00:00.000+08:00

bakit ba ang LOSER ko?

Gusto ko ng umalis dito. AYAW KO NA DITO!

dreams come true.

2008-10-20T20:17:00.003+08:00

for the entire day my mind is preoccupied by this dream(which some chosen people, thanks to my informative gm, know) i had this morning. and i wondered if it's possible for me to lose my head over depression, but who am i kidding? i was able to survive the last three years so i can't think of anything that could possibly make situations worse except that the longer i stay, the more i get drowned.

oh well. atleast my day was a little better thanks to shopping. aside from the new clothes, i got myself new staedler pens, a unipin pen(because i was right, the pilot drawing pen i used is not available here), chaka two new books! Haruki Murakami's After Dark, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez' Memories of my Melancholy Whores. i'm so happy!! really.

about the dream:
Miggy: so what's so bad about that?
Me: edi yung waking up part. tas you're lying in bed for the next half hour thinking, IT WAS SO REAL! haha
Miggy: well, dreams do come true.

yeah, they do, don't they? for princesses, and poor matchgirls in storybooks. but for the rest of us, dreams remain in our sleep.

2008-10-17T10:45:00.003+08:00

math11 sucks. or maybe it's just me. tinuturuan ako ni chase kaninang madaling araw and my mind flies, i can't focus when someone i'm talking to is talking about numbers. nakakaasar.

but forget about that. i'm ready for math22 anyway.

1st semester is finally over. i was a part of two succesful plays, i've got new friends, and well it's a good semester if you leave out a LOT of things. anyway, i've planned out my sembreak although i'm sure to be bored anyhow.

my to buy list includes:

staedler pens
pilot drawing pen (o2 and 03)
a new sketchpad (my last one's ready to retire)
a haruki murakami book
a gg marquez book

so pretty much, i'll be doing lots of reading and drawing. IM DRAWING AGAIN! which is good. because i love my new kind of art. my brother says its good, so that's good enough for me. and frankie says ang galing ko daw. well, out of all the other compliments, those two is what matters. first because my brother is the master (joke) and second because franco is kupal.

speaking of franco, the other night, at the prod party while everyone is enjoying the airconed rooms and there were probably just 7 of us left awake we got into a serious conversation. first about why i couldn't get over he who must not be named (how original), about writing (my favorite topic) and well, lots of stuff. i love conversations with franco even if he inserts theories and all that intellectual stuff only he understands, because i get a lot from it. we talked about writing, how i'm afraid to find out that i can't write. because i'm not good at it, and the only thing that keeps me writing is because i love it (and i usually get teary-eyed during this part haha) and he said that in writing, it's all you really need.

edward stole my heart

2008-10-16T14:52:00.003+08:00

i am going to take my math11 final exam tomorrow morning. and i'm going to fail. thanks to Edward. and his unbearable and irresistable perfection. this is all my fault i was too arrogant to admit i'd fell inlove with the guy, now i can't even sleep without thinking about him. like Bella, i was probably saying his name in my sleep too. darn it. i'm hooked. whatever drugs stephenie meyers was on when she wrote twilight, i. must. get. hahaha! it doesn't matter that it's not as well written as, say, unbearable lightness of being, who cares!! i haven't smiled so much, haven't felt this kilig over anything my whole life. and i also haven't felt this way for any other characters in any book or movie i've read and watched.

hahaha! i know i sound crazy. i am. i know i must study and that's exactly what i will do after this entry. and maybe i could read one chapter every after 10 minutes of studying as a reward. hahaha! i'm going to regret this for sure.

i think leighton would've played a better bella, and ed westwick for Edward. ugh, cedric diggory doesn't live up to my expectations, well so will anyone else. but atleast put someone a little extraordinary looking. nevertheless i'm still excited about the movie. will watch it with denise and ehm, probably pen too, hopefully.

a very special love

2008-10-11T20:55:00.006+08:00

last night was el laberinto's production party. syempre, tulog na naman lang ako. hahaha!

anyway, watched knocked up with kuya paolo this afternoon. then we watched lucky you (ang hot ni eric bana). when he left ma and i watched a very special love. i know i'm not much for tagalog films but God! ang hot ni john lloyd. kelan pa sya naging ganun kagwapo? grabe nahihiya nalang ako sa mga sinasabi ko. hahaha! and Sarah's funny. i just love her.

basta. ang HOT ni JOHN LLOYD!

jumajaipur

2008-10-10T02:20:00.005+08:00

since it's 2 am and i've got nothing important to do, i'll post some pictures from last saturday's night out with highschool friends :)
more on multiply.

with klara and gehn

with my bestfriends :)

happy man yo

2008-10-10T02:15:00.000+08:00

ANONG SIKRETO NI HAPPY MAN? gusto kong malaman.

the first and last time math and marquez will be mentioned in one entry

2008-10-06T14:26:00.007+08:00

just finished my second math exam, as expected, it was hard. the only difference is this time, i didn't feel depressed. maybe because i already accepted the fact that i suck at it. i was rushing the multiple choice part when i saw half the class leaving, i was excited to tell Denise and Ehm what my answer in the last part was, because i was certain it's right. and you could just imagine what kind of happiness that would bring me to get one problem solving right, and they were waiting for me outside the lecture hall, hopeful that it'll be their last time there, i was telling them that i got 3 and 12 on all sides, all excited only to find their blah faces. you know, the kind of faces you give when you don't know how to tell someone they're wrong...again. haha! it doesn't matter anyway, i'm used to it. and i'm prepared to take math11 again next sem. yeesss! another round of chase patiently explaining damn solutions to me. i remember how Tj was explaining how he got 1 as an answer in one problem and i started bawling like a stupid little poor girl on a toy store. bah! i know how to add my jeans, and count my change. that's all i nedd right? right. that and an accountant.

it's still early and already i'm done with angelo lacuesta's mermaid heart (which won the palanca) and tattoo. well they're just short stories so they're really nothing to brag about. but still, it's a little productive for someone as idle as myself. i liked tattoo, even if there're some medical terms and my father would've been disappointed if he ever found out it got me baffled. i liked it, not because my mom's name was mentioned ha, i liked it, just because.

anyway the semester's on the cliff, i'm just about ready to jump anytime soon. i can drop dead with all the failing or almost failing grades i will receive, but i can just fly and do better next time. okay, that was cheesy. but i've got high spirits. i always start the sem right, and then i get addicted to productions, and well, everyone knows what happens next. the rest of my academics suffer. i can't wait for sembreak, it's as promising as the rest of my past sembreaks. haha! Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Neil Gaiman are waiting for me at home. i'm crazy excited. i have to do some readings for my creative output/thesis and they're on top of my list. surprisingly, magical realism is the theme of my novel. exciting? scary.

i'm scared like whoa.

but it's chase's bday

2008-09-28T11:08:00.001+08:00

papa's home.
i still don't know how to tell him i have to go to temple on saturday. he'd be leaving next sunday, so he probably won't let me and it'll be too bad because it's chase's bday.

i'm still thinking if i really should go. i'm not a party person anyway. but it's chase's bday.

and i don't trust his driving much. because he got into an accident somewhere in alabang, not serious but still. but it's his bday.

darn. what to do?

2008-09-16T09:21:00.004+08:00

I was hurt more than i was angry. that was the truth. because you were good to me Nikko, and whatever evilness you have in you i refused to see, because like gel, i was your biggest fan. i don't want to hate you. sometimes i wonder if it would've been better if we never found out, but then you'd still be hurting vane. you should've seen her cry, i never hated you more than that exact moment. i swear to God i swore i'd never talk to you again. not after what you did. to her. and to us. i wasn't the one you cheated on. but i felt betrayed too. because we've been friends for so long and i felt as if i knew you,

i loved you nikko, you were my bestfriend. there were some things that i could only tell you, and for good reasons too, you always listened. i thought was being cruel for not listening to your defenses, but for what? what could you possibly say to make cheating right. and with seven other girls? i look back and try to see how you could be the nikko i knew. and no matter how hard i try, i don't understand.

i know this is not about me. but Nikko, i wonder how you could've done this. i wonder how you could hurt us like this.

.....

2008-09-03T16:06:00.004+08:00

still waiting for the mathh11 midterm exam results. although i'm pretty sure it won't be something worth rejoicing.

el laberinto dela verdad will be staged on monday and tuesday, yeeesss! tapos isang prod nalang tapos makakapagpahinga na ko. pero syempre hindi rin, wala kong pahinga. okay, i did sleep from 11 pm last night til 5:30 am this morning, then i went back to sleep around 8:45 and woke up at 11. so i guess, pahinga yun, right?

papa came home this weekend. we had dinner with some of their old friends at tito Dennis' house. yon. everyone was having fun, laughing, drinking wine, even kuya rammil's enjoying himself, i was at the sofa, sleeping. god i'm tired. then the next day we had lunch at superbowl with auntie irene and we watched wall-e! it was fun :)

by now, it's safe to say that my life is BORING.

anyway, vincent was here last week. i think he had fun. kahit pa medyo nao-OP daw sya minsan. he calls Chase bayaw now, so i guess boto na sya kay chase, haha!

so. run thru ngayon for el laberinto dela verdad and i still haven't memorized the alamat. and i also have to prepare for tomorrow's report, and i have to read agyu. the latter being the worse i have to do this week. haaaaay!

updates galore..or not

2008-08-28T08:13:00.002+08:00

the cultural night is officially over, now i can focus on my production..or not.
still have a lot of things on my head, just got home from my math11 mock exam. ayokong magmath22!! i hate that i have a knack for sucking at everything. it's frustrating. once (okay, twice unless you want to take comsci11 instead) in a comarts student's life, one has to take math electives, and one would realize that truly, shit happens!

on a lighter note, i am harboring a schoolgirl crush on someone. which is actually insane because i haven't had this feelings since Desa, and that felt like a long time ago. but what's even crazier is that ... she's a girl. i know, i know. but like i said, it's just a schoolgirl crush. and she's not lesbo, mind you, she's actually a little girly.

dad's coming home tomorrow. yeeha!

i actually have more rantings, but i'll save it for tomorrow. it's early in the morning and i'm still on a good mood.

movie update

2008-08-24T22:55:00.004+08:00

just watched Evening. the trailer's better than the movie, but i still liked it, i just expected more i guess. oh and, Buddy broke my heart. dahil dyan, i have a new crush, Hugh Dancy. yey! who, according to imdb would also appear in Shopaholic (yey!) as Luke. so you can guess i'm not a harris fan, i just don't get what makes him attractive. but buddy, oh buddy. i have to say, the drunk look, curly hair, and pathetic-ness works for me.

"Wittgenstein, Schmittgenstein. What's for lunch?"

it's really freaky that the girl who played the young meryl streep look exactly like her. it turns out she's her daughter. oha. kaya naman pala. anyway, ang totoo im a little disappointed cause i waited for this movie, the trailer really made me sad, i don't know maybe it's one of those movie you have to watch twice or something.

oh well. i enjoyed it naman. kahit papano.

grr

2008-08-24T19:34:00.007+08:00

so i wrote this really long entry about the things that has been bothering me.
you know, the usual stuff, insecurities along with a few dreams i've been keeping in boxes, collecting dust. and i don't know what happened. i just lost it.

and this stupid thing is supposed to save it, right? like it says so down there next to save now. this supposedly intelligent blog usually saves automatically. di ko alam kung anu nangyari. shet talaga. ayoko ng ulitin cause i can't.

good for you though. nasave ka sa reklamong bonggang-bongga.

kung anu ano

2008-08-16T16:58:00.004+08:00

my dad will be home in 14 days. yey! :)

the thing is i'm not sure i'll be around when he comes home, no not because my thombstone will say 'death by play', and joining two plays is suicide but because i'd be super busy by then. hay. my french exam was easy, i expected it to be harder. pero dahil nakapagaral ako, yes, nasingit ko yun sa rehearsals and other non-acad stuff - muka namang mataas ako. except for spelling siguro, nakakairita, kung pera lang ang bawat letra then french spelling is a big waste of money. san ka nakakita ang basa dito ay keskese, tapos ang spelling ay qu'est-ce que c'est. oha.

o yun. dahil wala akong life except for rehearsals, di nalang ako magpopost ng kung ano-ano. nakakapagod mag reklamong pagod na pagod na ko.

anyway, i just saw some pics from kuya box. i really love this one :)

2008-08-10T23:50:00.006+08:00

finally. kanina pa ko dapat nagbablog eh, but no, nareredirect ako sa kung saang page. virus, sakit sa ulo. wala naman talaga ko sasabihin, i'll only brag about my hectic sched next week, para kunwari i have a life. but really, suicide ako next week. in addition to my 7-10 tous les jours rehearsal, i also have a COMA105 exhibit, French script and exam, Fil21 quiz and finals tom na simula 3pm to 1am. tapos 8 am archery class the next day, waaaaaw man, ang sarap!

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, my body is. nightly rehearsals are not just line readings you know, we actually move our asses, bien sur it's not as hard as ate icing's workshop, but still masakit sa katawan ang shingga shingga na yan ah. and it's also not like it helps me lose some pounds, i compensate tiredness with pigging out like crazy. oh life is good. sarcasm makes it so much better.

Hinabing Pakpak ng ating mga Anak was probably the best play i ever watched. okay, okay, i've been a part of some of the best productions i've seen, but Dulaang UP's Hinabing Pakpak, is the best. seryoso. ok, i tend to exaggerate so i'm not going to say that their choreography is amazing, cause the truth is it's not so perfect. maganda yung movements ah pero, i don't know siguro dun may kulang. but the set, the performance, the costume-ang ganda! JC Santos? ANG GWAPO. okay, so i got this really crazy crush on Arnold Reyes when we watched Circa at CCP, i remember fantasizing about him for a couple of weeks, matagal tagal din, inaabang-abangan sya sa commercial. haha! this time, it's JC Santos. younger than Arnold Reyes, oha. and talented too. plus he signed my playbill. grabe the things i do to embarrass myself. haha! he asked me the title of our play. tsk tsk, should've asked him to watch.

anyway, i saw some of the photos from the UP Dil. people. pero onti plang. eto yung iba:

this is by mabel, b-an's beffy.

this is by kuya box (boks)

wala pa yung sa isang girl, yeah the one who drives like crazy. yon, wala pa. i won't post hazel's pictures kahit pa natetempt ako. haha! macocompare kasi. she's so pretty. actually this experience made me very insecure. oh well, i'll get over it.

realizations yo

2008-08-04T10:41:00.003+08:00

realizations yo.

1. i'm a dreamer. it's both scary and promising.
2. i'm not photogenic. for someone so vain, this is disappointing.
3. i'm so insecure. the people around me are getting tired of the 'im not good enough' 'im not pretty enough' lines. i can't help it. (sorry pen)
4. i'm a hopeless romantic. aren't we all? there is romance in denying it too, for those who wouldn't admit.
5. i'm dependent. i lean on to people to help me fix my life.

andaming nangyari kahapon. masaya naman. kahit masuka-suka nako sa lrt. salamat vincent at pen. salamat pen. :)

chever

2008-08-02T22:50:00.004+08:00

i'm so busy. i just finished reporting for pantas and i'm not even sure i can attend workshops thanks to rehearsals. the first few weeks of this semester i kept complaining how i've got nothing to do, ang aga ko pa nga natutulog, i don't think i'd be complaining bout it anytime this sem again. although im sure i will be complaining about my lack of sleep and my deteriorating social life. sus, social life. pero siguro naman mageenjoy ako sa rehearsal, i love the other actors. denise got the role of pakikisama, pen, kayamanan, ako si kagandahan. seriously. now i'm not sure if i can act or they just needed someone with a face for the role. bah. joke lang. ang yabang naman nun. pero kasi naman, i'm still bitter about not getting the inggit role. i auditioned for that role, it makes me think i'm not good enough.

oh well.

im going to start another blog, soon. i know, i know, pang apat na active blog ko na yun. and it's not like i write all the time. anyway, the fourth blog will be solely for my creative output, mga plans, ideas and stuff. yon.

dad's leaving tomorrow. he left a couple of times before. who'm i kidding? he left a lot. he doesn't want to anymore, he'll only be there for a month, then he'll come back for the weekend, and leave for a month again, then come back.....well you get the picture. he's old. and tired. sleeping alone in a hotel room is not exactly his idea of fun. and he hates me too, because i couldn't back out of tomorrow's photoshoot. eh kasi naman they moved the date because i thought papa was leaving last week so they moved it to this week, tapos magbabackout lang ako. and c'mon, he was the one who taught me to commit and stick with it.
plus, the photoshoot excites me. well, it's a balance between excitement and fear. for one, i'm not photogenic and i'm not comfortable with posing, because i hate my body and i hate my hair. yown.

i have to sleep now. i have to get up early tomorrow for mass.
goodnight. goodnight.

catching up

2008-07-26T15:34:00.002+08:00

my last entry was july13, for someone who used to blog twice or more a day that's a little weird. kahit ako, di ko maintindihan kung bakit natatamad akong magsulat. ngayon pa, kung kelan ako nagaaply sa Pantas. anyway, like i did the last time, highlights nalang.

forget it. tinatamad talaga ako. i have to write a suicide letter, deadline's on tuesday. no, hindi ako suicidal at wala akong balak magpakamatay. it's a requirement for Pantas. eh ewan ko ba, for someone who's morose enough to actually kill herself (joke lang. medyo lang) i can't write a freaking suicide letter. napaka-trying hard ko kasi. haha

ang sarap maging single. pero nahihirapan ako lately, kasi andaming problema sa pag-eeffort kong makapagmove on. o diba? may ganung moda. pwedeng pang suicide note shet.

i have to remember everything i'm supposed to do for the following weeks.
hmmm.

July26: TJ's concert (Verve)
July29: suicide letter deadline
Aug3: Diliman Photoshoot/Papa's departure
Aug4: Denise's Birthday Parrrrty
Aug5-8: PR Campaign for Caballeros (Free Coffee and Exhibit)

highlights

2008-07-13T06:45:00.011+08:00

i'm actually not in the mood to write, but since i'm awake so early and i have nothing to do anyway, i figured what the heck. and since i don't have anything crazy or whatever to write about, i'll write about the highlights of my past weeks.

selle and weng back in the apartment.

we had an italian night during the first week of classes. the pizza, the pesto, the roasted chicken, the works. parang first sem lang.
and they were also here last week, kasi nagvideoke kami dahil may dalang magicsing si denise.
tine's missing, but she goes to the apartment a lot, only i think she goes straight up to the boyfriend's apartment.

Joseph and Ehm: Finally together
so she's been going up a lot too, and i often find myself alone in the apartment.
or with mark and denise, playing cards or doing whatever just to stop ourselves form sleeping early.
okay, a bit exaggerated , although some nights were like this though, dagdagan mo pa ng pancit canton.
anyway, i'm happy for both of them. ehm's really happy and she deserves to be.

Burger King Date
we've been going out together or staying in the apartment a lot lately, i know it won't be like this once 'real' studying starts. so i'm enjoying it.
we went to burger king, the second week of the school year, i think. we didn't stay long though, we all had lots to do at the apartment. i had fun.
eto yung mga klase ng araw/gabi na i don't care if i eat a lot, if i gained a couple of pounds in just one sitting, basta masaya.

Diliman and Trinoma with Pen
ok. this did not happen in elbi, but anyway, ehm, pen and i went to diliman to buy the book for eng1.
tas nagtrinoma kami. ehm and i are so happy cause we already know how to get to trinoma, to boni, to diliman, from binan. feeling naman namin we can get anywhere just because of this.
also pen's been staying at the apartment for the past two weeks. i'm glad she became friends with chase, mark and tj.
she goes on a self-declared holiday and we have classes til 7, we go home and find our apartment squeaky clean.
next week, we're going to teach her how to cook, para pag uwi namin
may pagkain na rin. hahaha. joke lang.

i got a haircut...again.
i know. it's crazy. i miss my long hair, sobra. and i know i've been ranting about just how much pero i had it cut.
shorter than ever, i have no idea what's gotten over me. it's ugly.
when i had long hair, or even the last short one, almost every other day was bad hair day, but still there are days that they actually look decent, beautiful, even. eh ngayon, everyday bad hair day, seryosos. it's that bad. i won't even post a picture.

no dull moment
that should be posted right outside, in the middle of 102 and 103's door.
lately lots of things have been going on the apartment. meetings. videoke nights. card nights. inuman session. chismisan. i wonder when vane and gel would start suggesting their usual - poker and bingo. i crave quiet nights too, and we actually had one last week. pen, denise and i just watched clueless in marks room. and after that when most of the apartment people has arrived, tumambay lang kami sa tapat ng apartment, para magchismisan at kung mag anu pa.

oh yan. yan lang naman talaga ang nangyayari sa elbi, nothing about acads. joke lang. well actually, i've tons to do for acads. i've to memorize my lines for the scene study chever for thea108. i've to do a paper about agyu and a tanaga for fil 21. i also have to be done with the brochure, and study for coma105. maybe i could fit in a movie night next week. or atleast a dinner at bonitos. or not.

...

2008-07-06T15:33:00.002+08:00

wala ko masulat kahit pa last week's eventful compared to the other weeks. nakakatamad lang. pero anyway, the other night i kept trying to write, may ilang oras na yata kong nakatapat sa laptop ko, alternating coldplay with vanessa carlton for inspiration, nakasama pa yata na that morning i was reading pablo neruda poems eh. ako naman talaga may kasalanan eh, hindi kasi ako makahindi kay nikko. now i only have 4 days left and i still don't have anything.

help me Lord. nakakabaliw ang pressure.

acad mode

2008-06-26T23:26:00.006+08:00

subjects im assuming i will enjoy:

COMA105. Public Relations and Advertising. excited ako sa paggawa ng advertisements, print ads and stuff kasi i missed out on doing teasers and posters for the past productions i was involved in. I don't feel obliged to go to class even though i am, because it's actually fun especially since we have ma'am marcial for our prof.

FRENCH10. Bonjour! vous vous apelez comment? okay, that means what's your name? not exactly relevant, eh ano naman? plus our prof is like the cutest thing, she's like 5ft tall tapos buntis cute cute amph. she graduated from up diliman, european studies major in french minor in span. crazy, ano? okay so sitting beside nikko and biboy may not be the smartest thing at first, but i get the feeling they're enjoying it too.

ENG101. English Prose Style. The only reason i might enjoy eng101 is because i would have to actually write again, which i barely do now. at dahil marerequire ako eh manonochoice ako. and because i sit with hazel, millie, pen and jinee and i enjoy the snide comments and the 'what the?' looks we exchange whenever macansantos says something 'duh', which is like all the time.

FIL21. folklores and myths may not be my favorite topics, but sir Dumlao is my favorite professor. not only do i listen and space out only twice or so per meeting, but i actually enjoy it. andami kong natututunan and i also feel inspired to write after every meeting. it's amazing what effect sir dumlao has on his students.

ARCHERY. so i smell like shit and i sweat like crazy. but i feel like i just came out of an LOTR movie whenever i have a bow in hand. it's hard, not what i expected, but this is the only PE i took wherein i actually want to excel. gusto ko pa nga magvarsity eh, oha, but that was before i tried it. ngayon, ayoko na, mahirap pala kasi.

which leaves us with the three subjects i might not enjoy:

THEA108. i am extremely disappointed. i can live with not having sir Joey for my thea108 professor, but Jeremy is so... so... so not anything a major subject professor should be. i hate it. nakakadepress. nakakirita. and i thought we're gonna learn about grotowsky and stanislavsky. give art some pride, man. medyo hirapan mo naman ang discussion. oh right, he gave us a handout of supposedly 'technical' stuff about acting, tapos ang refference nya, take note reFFerence, ay yahoo something. what the??

LTS1. three hours? i have better things to do with my time. okay, so that sounded a little bit shallow. but really, three hours is such a long time, especially when we're just playing half the time.

MATH11. i hate math. as simple as that. although i have to admit i am enjoying sets because it's easy compared to actually solving problems.

in the end it's all the same because i'll probably suck in most of them. i hope not though, i want/need better grades this sem.

why i love elbi?

2008-06-21T00:03:00.003+08:00

i just spent an entire week at elbi, well, actually not really. just since monday til early today. my schedule allows me to come home early on fridays, and it's not like i want to. i happen to love elbi like crazy and would spend an eternity there if i find someone to spend it with me, there. labo ba? i wait long for a lightbulb whenever i'm asked why i love elbi. bakit nga ba? ewan ko. kung ikaw taga-elbi ka, bakit nga ba? i used to think it's a disease you get when you stay there long enough, but i know some people who still left after 2 years of breathing uplb air (ahem, cy?? iya??).

napasakay ako ng 'up college kaliwa' sa jeep (nagtaas na nga pala ang pamasahe shiet) and so i have to ride it all the way from st. therese, to baker, to freedom park, to lib, before reaching sakay-my stop. i didn't realize how much i missed elbi. there were couples at the freedom park even though it was, past 12 i think and the heat was soporific and hot. i reminded myself that it is something i still haven't done, hang out at the freedom park i mean. ang totoo, there's a list of things i'm still to do here at elbi before i graduate. ang dami pang kailangan at dapat gawin, the two years left may not be enough. o diba ang drama?

pero i look back and i also realize na there's a long list of the things i've done in elbi, things i wouldn't have done, or i wouldn't have had the chance to do if i were somewhere else. like lying in the middle of the street in the wee hours of the night. like doing aerobics, or asian dance. and now, the one i've waited for for so long, archery. like taking a walk, mapa-tanghali man o mapa-hatinggabi, just because i feel like eating something, o para magpost ng teasers, may sama pang takot na baka mahuli. like skipping class for proven. like being a part of three wonderful productions. like getting a hopeless crush on someone, and following him in silly attempts to mimic a stalker. like making friends and keeping them. like falling in love, and falling apart all in cacophony with elbi wind. and then usually my head goes blank at this point, but there really is so much beauty in elbi, so much experience, so much love. i am so thankful i'm here. i am inlove with elbi and i will always be, one day when it is finally the time for my children to experience college, i would be very happy to see them here in UPLB. sana ganto pa rin kaganda, ganto pa rin kasarap ang buhay dito. ang totoo di bale ng sira ang mga electric fan, di bale ng minsan sira din ang mga prof, basta ba paglabas mo ng ncas o hum, eh may mga tao sa steps at pagpunta nyo ng raymundo di pa ubos ang proven, pagdating ng gabi kung meron mang practice ang prod eh may mga kasama ka sa sulok para magbreak, at pagkatapos may kasama kang kakain sa itsumo o tatambay sa iziz o magbibidyoke sa nyokys, sabay libreng strawberry margarita. sarap. ang sarap ng buhay elbi. walang katulad. walang kapalit.

i'll be back on monday. at siguradong this time, may klase na. i don't mind, basta ba it means i get to spend break hours with friends and i get to breathe elbi air again.

crazy talk

2008-06-11T10:47:00.003+08:00

i've been planning to study abroad after college. although the real sure thing is that i will be leaving for canada right after graduation. studying fine arts at UST did cross my mind but i really want to experience studying far away from home and well, UST is and will always be two of my brother's well loved home. after several plans i came up with 'the one', the this-is-it plan. i'd be leaving for canada late april or early may and will be living there a maximum of two months, i will then visit some of my cousins in the states (and go to disneyland!) and then, i will go to paris to study. crazy? i know. I was this excited when i wanted to study at UP, but even that was a suntok sa buwan decision. because 1.) i'm not even in the top of my class and 2.) i'm like in the third class from the star section. my dad bought me this study by yourself book while some of my friends enrolled at MSA. i know even he doubted whether i could pass. but i did, and i'm hoping that this time the angels will work on my side again.

let's go back to the plan. ofcourse when i get there i won't be studying right away. especially since the tuition fee costs a bajillion times more than UP tuition. also because the smallest of apartments costs 650 euros. according to my research, minimum wage would sum up to 3000 euros a month, but the take home pay would only be 2,700 or so. minus the rent, the electricity, the laundry and stuff, you'd only get about 50 to spend daily. what about the supposedly money left for savings? for duh, what i was there for, university? if you really think about it, it's kinda depressing. my dad says i think a lot, and that it's too early to think about it. he said i should atleast be in junior year before i start worrying about studying again. but i'll be in junior year, in less than a week.

i really want to go, i don't want this to be something i wanted at some point in my life. because of this i'm changing a lot of things in my 5 year plan. i've always wanted to graduate early, and i would actually be graduating early compared to the usual 21 year old graduates, i would graduate from college the month i turn 20. so i though it would be okay to study some more, because if i want a masters degree, i'd be done with it by 22 or 23, which is not bad. but i've decided to take another 4-year course. i'd be taking up comparative literature minor in theater and performance or comparative literature. and because i would be working for a year or so, i would be 25 or 26 by the time i graduate. a little old to still be studying, i've always wanted to have my own family by 24. but i really want this, and the course i'm talking about would be under the department of arts and literature and where better to study arts than in france, right? who am i kidding? when i was a little younger i spent half my days plotting how i will meet david beckham, what i will say down to what i will be wearing. and then there was this day when i sort of just hit my head and asked, what was i thinking? it was depressing, to suddenly wake up and realize that you wasted weeks, or a month being delusional. it was also depressing because you know that you'll never meet him, or talk to him. funny as it seems, it's absolutely true about a lot of things in my life. this dream is one of them.

a while ago while i was washing the dishes, ma went inside the kitchen and out of nowhere i asked her if she thinks i'll be able to really study at AUP. she didn't laugh or shake her head, she said we'll work hard for it. she said we have some savings to spend. and i felt extremely sad. my parents are now in the time of their lives where they're starting to save up for themselves, because they're already old and tired. my dad wants to retire already but he's working because i'm still in college and because they also have to have money when they go to canada. and i have no intention of using their money to study again. that's why i had it all planned out, well, not exactly. i've done some computations, and there is no way i can support myself in AUP because it costs a lot. but maybe with a little help from ISLP or other student loan organizations. maybe i can try for scholarship. or you know, just whatever. i hate it when my dad calls me spoiled, because i felt that i worked hard for the things i want and that i pay for half the things i own, but the truth is i have it easy, i have a good life. i am probably just too ecstatic about the thought of studying arts abroad, but i know life will be hard. i already checked some apartments, and some chambre de bonne, and although they're a little bigger than my room, they're not exactly home. i would have to work at starbucks or some cafe, and that's if i'm lucky or if my french doesn't suck. i would be studying and working at the same time. i wouldn't have the luxury to eat good food or to once in a while buy myself something expensive. i would have to make ends meet, and i know that sometimes they wouldn't. i would also suffer from massive loneliness, and knowing noone there i would be all alone in dealing with it.....

....papa's right. i sorta think a lot. i just, i don't know, want this too much. i know if i don't get in, i'd be able to try out for other universities. university of manitoba's okay. but i just really want this one. and i want to make sure i try everything.

....

2008-06-07T22:47:00.003+08:00

i'm keeping myself from writing. because i'm having bitter thoughts, again, and well, it's been awhile. i just don't want to go back again and i'm really trying this time. like really torturing myself by not writing anything about it. i don't know how long i can hold on like this. especially with nothing or noone to hold on to.

2008-06-03T16:58:00.005+08:00

tomorrow is supposed to be the beginning of my summer.
now, that may sound senseless, but you see tomorrow i'm supposed to be going with some college friends to anilao, because bop's got a house there. and i could almost imagine the sand under my feet, i could almost see the beach. but no, chase just texted and told me it was canceled. i still don't know what happened. i am waiting for someone to text me the full details.

urgh. although i have to admit, though unproductive my summer has been full of 'going outs' and 'buying stuffs' i never really got anywhere other than manila and here in binan. you don't exactly get tan while frequenting the mall, right? and besides, my bikinis also have to get used you know. and the summer is the only decent reason to go out almost naked, so i have to enjoy it. i have to. or else my bikinis will be stuck in my closet til next summer. well, actually, i'll be going to subic this weekend til monday, but that's with the family. that's a different kind of fun compared to being with friends. and my dad don't usually let me go out with friends, and he allowed me two nights and three days without parental supervision. at the beach. it sounded so perfect.

so, maybe i'll just wait a little longer. for their text, i mean. and if it really is cancelled, i'll go to batangas anyway, drag whoever, nobody's going to stop me from enjoying this summer.

james

2008-05-30T15:04:00.002+08:00

BREAKING NEWS!
according to perez hilton, it looks like james mcavoy will be paying bilbo baggins in the hobbit. that's the prequel to lord of the rings for the non-j.r.r. tolkien fans.

i don't know how to react. i knew the hobbit will be coming out, one day. the trilogy's done. and tolkien fans are probably dying to see the prequel in live action, to see if it matches their imagination. and with how big the trilogy was, both the lotr producers and director knew that the hobbit will be big too. but, ugh. james mcavoy? he's not so small. and, ugh, i just don't think, he's, wah! no, no, no. it just seems wrong. i mean yeah, he probably did well as mr.tumnus, although i really don't know because i didn't and couldn't watch-but as a hobbit? i just... *sigh*
okaaay, fine, that's probably gonna bring him good honor. that's the hobbit!! my dad says it's better than the trilogy, i wouldn't know, i'm still not half done with the book-and no i'm not reading it because it's gonna be a movie, and james mcavoy's gonna be in it. i think i mentioned i am reading it in one of my david cook entries. anyway, anyway, he'll prolly play the part well. it's just, bilbo baggins is a hobbit, duh, i just. he doesn't sound so hot in the book, how will they make james mcavoy not hot? oh right. they did just that in chronicles of narnia.

but because it's jrr tolkien, the creator of middle earth, i will watch it. it won't be as good as the book, i bet, but i'll watch it. actually, we should all watch it, it is said to be the greatest fantasy epic of our time (actually that's what it says on the cover)

oh well.

eat bulaga

2008-05-30T14:47:00.002+08:00

I had my nail done this afternoon. and the people in this salon where i usually have my manicure and/or pedicure done are big Kapuso fans. so anyway they were watching eat bulaga and i don't know what the game is called, basta the contestants are asked a question and they are given the first letter of the answer as a clue. the question was:

"anong 'f' ang meron ang tao, pero walang tao ang magkapareho nito"

i thought it was sure win, i thought everyone knew the answer is fingerprint, but the lady said "face?!"
hahaha. oo nga naman. sana nga lang walang twin-looking people like michael v. and my brother, or jared leto and zac efron. hmm, wacha think? the other question was
"sa fairy tales, anong 'f' ang pag hinalikan ay nagiging prince?"
"frince charming?" hahaha! seryoso. and i thought things like this only happen in bob ong books. totoo pala. haha!
and the last funny one was
"kung ang ateneo ay eagle, anong 'f' naman ang adamson?"
...
...
...
"hindi ba fidgeon?" -michael v.
hahaha! i love michael v. if i watch gma, it's only because it's bubble gang and michae v.'s there. not only does he look like my brother but he's also funny. ofcourse, bubble gang gets cornier and cornier through the years- but still, it can sometimes make me laugh.

chapter 27

2008-05-28T20:36:00.007+08:00

BEHOLD:
hot twins! ugh, i wish. that's just jared leto and zac efron. they look like each other, right? only ofcourse, jared is way hotter, i don't know about his music though, it's not like i tried to listen, i just don't think it'll be cool. and well, in the words of clark gable:

"frankly my dear, i don't give a damn."

anyway. i seriously need to watch chapter 27, although marish said it's no so good. still, i just have to , just to see how they made jared leto, unhot. here's a photo preview of the big change:you can't help but ignore the picture on the right. ugh

2008-05-27T18:17:00.003+08:00

this blog entry is entitled: magsawa ka sa mukha ko.
sorry naman. when i'm alone and bored, i tend to be extremely vain. don't judge, we're all vain, nagkataon lang na ako saksakan. hahaha! besides this is my blog, so i can do anything with it, right?

ready??enlarge at your own risk

so anyway, cy left me a message at multiply. apparently the way way overdue pictorial photos for desaparecidos are now open for public. oha, soshal, may ganun. the moment i opened her multiply site because i just can't wait to get my hands on those photos, i saw HIS face. kinilig ako, hahaha! hay, crush nga naman. amf. ang corny. o anyway, here are the Desapics.

whatver

2008-05-27T14:17:00.002+08:00

everytime i'm not online, i think of all these stuff i want to write about. but as soon as i open my blogger account, my head goes blank. ofcourse, i do remember the nonsense i am about to fill this blog with, i just can't seem to collect the thoughts to actually make it into seemingly meaningful and relevant paragraphs. oh well, i guess i would have to just, keep it simple:

i should've taken piano lessons this summer. i've already forgotten to read piano sheets, i tried to play coldplay's the scientist the other day, and well-i need some lessons.
i was planning to write about the CFC issue. to defend the real CFC. although i'm not sure i am in the position to defend the community, being inactive and all - but still, i am a part of it and i do have my say about it.
i'm broke. i spent too much this summer, even though it sure feels as if i was deprived of any summer activities. turns out i did went out and bought a lot.
i also gained a lot of weight which sucks because i remember spending a lot of time (well, 30 mins max) exercising with my brother. and because i bought a new bikini that would look extremely good in any body other than mine.
i'm not a 'brand' person. but i currently have a folder in my notebook containing pictures of overpriced bags and shoes that i want to get a hold of. including miu miu vitello lux satchel, that costs $1,150.00, i found one at ebay that costs a little lighter, P15,000++ okay?! that helped. i know that i won't be able to buy it, but still, i open the folder every once in awhile just looking at it.
junior year is coming and i'm more scared than my first day in college.
i don't want to sound like every 18 girl i know, but i hate my hair (i don't know why i had it cut anyway) and i feel fat and boring.
i want to watch sex and the city and win carrie's manolos at the same time.
sooner or later it is going to dawn on me that i wasted this summer over nothing productive when i should've 1.) wrote a bunch of poetry for my thesis 2.) read like crazy 3.) watched season 4 and 5 of One Tree Hill 4.) watched sex and the city or oc or whatever 5.) studied piano again
i'm ranting, aren't i?

ek trip

2008-05-25T11:39:00.007+08:00

i was supposed to post this yesterday, but ended up downloading a bunch of songs in my brother's limewire. and a david cook video! :)
anyway, i was at EK last friday. i was with Ehm, TJ, Weng, Selle, Mak and Chase. ang kulang lang si tine, her mom's in the hospital so she couldn't come. the only time we got together outside Elbi was... south forbes swimming. we won't all be together next sem because, well, tine, weng and selle are moving out. so this might be the last housemate-get-together. and i actually thought we'll be together for four years.
anyway, twas fun. as expected. this is a dawning-summer celebration. and what better way to prepare ourselves for the grueling next months we call junior year but to have fun right?
i'm not making any sense, basta i had a blast! :)

i love you housemates!